A
male
age
30-35,
*en345
writes:I'm 18, and find myself attracted to both boys and girls my own age. I have been in a serious relationship with a girl in my year at college, and now have my eyes set on another girl. But I check out guys as well. I masturbate over them and everything, imagining the things I'd do with them. I can't imagine myself having sex with them, but more playing around and stuff. I think I could date one, the only thing stopping me being my reputation. When I hug my male friends I find myself enjoying it a little too much. I love the idea of lying in a bed with a guy, him just looking after me. I'm about 70/30 [girls to boys]. I know all teenagers are a little confused, but am I definetly bisexual? I'm not ashamed, just curious Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ben345 +, writes (9 June 2011):
ben345 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I'm coming to the decision that I am probably bisexual. I am not ashamed of it but do not plan to show off about it either. I don't want to make friendships with males uncomfortable but will definitely come clean if ever I have to. I'm a bit surprised about the way I am but a little grateful, as I can find myself attracted to both genders; that's twice as many people! Thanks everyone, it's nice to know that some people are cool with it :D
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Only you truly know if you are bi-sexual. But from what you've written... I'd say so you probably are... especially if you are fantasizing about guys. I think you'll find that even though you currently don't have sexual attractions for guys... you'll probably develop them. When you do and you actually act upon those desires... you'll probably be terrified... it's natural. It's because it's what society has told us. You have to un-learn a lot in order to get over the fear. Eventually you'll become comfortable with it.
I'm really glad you're not ashamed of this. So many postings here fall into the "I don't want to be" category which means in the long run they'll just cause themselves emotional stress because if you are gay/bi/whatever you just are and there's not a lot that you can DO about it.
Be careful though... not to push yourself onto one of your more straight friends. They generally don't take kindly to it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 There's no definite stamp on these things. It can stay permanent, or it can change. You say you are 70/30, which is actually a good way to describe bisexuality. Bisexuals tend to not go 50/50, they lean more to one side or the other. This can also change through the years as you discover your preferences.
I think you need to know you can develop romantic feelings for a male before you can say you definitely are bisexual. This can take time to happen as you'd have to meet the right person, same as with girls.
Until then, why not just say you are bisexual, no one else needs to know until you're actually falling in love with a guy and want to make it official.
Being bisexual isn't as scary as it at first might seem. You're just being you. I was nervous when I first realized I was bisexual, but my sexuality hasn't impacted my life in almost any degree. I am around the same as you, 60-70 to guys and the rest to girls. I have been in love with women, had sex, kissed, but never had a relationship with one. I just didn't find a woman yet that I'd want to have a relationship with, but I have found several men that I fell in love with who I wanted a relationship with. It just worked out that way. So all in all, since I never had a relationship with a woman, I never really had to re-arrange my life or life plans, or tell my parents, or any of that stuff.
Just go about your life and you will figure it out as you go along. I'd recommend you try out your fantasies with men before you definitely settle down with a woman though (as in marriage or serious relationship), just to try it out, or you will always be wondering how it'd be like.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (8 June 2011):
 From what it sounds like you may just be bisexual. You'll never know unless you experiment. But be aware some people don't understand bisexuality. Some people are very black and white about sexuality, and you're going to take a risk of getting called certain names if you decide to make this fantasy a reality, being that some people will assume you're just gay and trying to hide it.Also keep in mind, if you just date girls you could not only pass up the person you would be happy with (not saying you wouldn't be happy with a girl, just saying you could be with a guy!) you'll just sit around the rest of your life wondering what it's like, picturing yourself with other guys, which wouldn't be fair to yourself.Who knows, you might get down to trying things with guys and realize it just isn't for you, or you might really love it!All I can say is give it a try, within your own comfort zone of course.
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A
male
reader, aslan2323232  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 who knows?while ive always been gay (like i've never dated a girl, but i've played spin the bottle with them etc) i'm still quite a believer in people thinking that sexuality is a fluid thing.what i mean by that is you could be attracted to girls all your life and then one day you could be 50 years of age and meet the love of your life whos a man dont try and put a label on yourself, "experiment", do what feels right when you feel like it, dont get worked up over something that isn't important, because sexuality is as important as the colour of ones hair or eyes (:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is totally normal, yes i would say you are bisexual, some people find that they are attracted to one sex, others like both but prefer one, some people dont care about the persons gender but just their personality, but i would say you are the cond of those options. Only you can be sure, screw your reputation, just be yourself :)
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A
female
reader, Helpmeplz!!!!  +, writes (8 June 2011):
There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality....so long as you do it safely, and you don't hurt anyone in the process. If you'er worried about your reputation do it secretly until you are confident you know what you want. you're still young and from what I can gather have no serious commitments (children). Explore hunny or you might regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me on this one. And good luck with everything. Keep us posted xxx
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