A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend never agrees to go anywhere or do anything fun with me, like a holiday or to see a gig or something. Now his friend has got him tickets to go away to see a band and he's going. I know his friend payed for the tickets, but I've offered to pay for tickets for things before and he's always said he can't afford to go away and stay in a hotel etc. Do I have a right to be annoyed? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Communication is the key to get some clarity for both of you. Maybe he is trying to save money for the future?
Maybe he has trouble changing is behaviour and is stuck.
Either way he needs to know that you are not interested being in a relationship that continues this way because it makes you really unhappy - and fair enough any woman would be unahappy. You need some joy and a bit of romance - that's what life is all about - if he stares at you blankly then tell him that you have a time frame in mind for this to change!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell we've been together a couple of years. he normally says he doesn't like to travel when i suggest something like a trip. what annoyed me is that he makes excuses not to do something with me that means going away, but when his friend insists, he accepts. i know i could have just bought him a ticket like his friend did, but my bf has made it clear he doesn't want to do something like that, so i wouldn't go to the liberty of buying him a ticket. i think he'd be angry if i did that. i would just like to go to a gig or something with him. as for commitment, thats not the issue, i know he is "committed" to me, he doesn't want to leave. but i am feeling unhappy and taken for granted, because of things like this, and his lack of interest in spending time with me. that is the issue. and as for him wanting to pay, he's not poor, but he thinks he doesn't earn enough to go on holidays, but yet he is wiling to pay to go away to see this gig. why not a gig with me, when i've asked? the tickets aren't the expensive bit, it's the flight and hotel that is. i'm just a bit miffed, because i go to gigs and festivals etc with my friends and family, but he is never interested. and we like the same bands.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): It is not necessarilly a sign of non comittment as the other reader has suggested (sorry to bluntly disagree).Although yes you have the right to be annoyed, it is most likely that he does not have the imagination or experience to know how to take you out for dates that don't cost much.He may need some thoughtgul encouragement from you about how to make you happy. Most guys and men do not realise that it is the simple things of spending time together that can mean more than spending money. Try going on a walk with him, or looking for a discount website that e-mails bargain deals on activities and make him feel good about taking you out. I know you shouldn't have to 'try' and that it is much better if men are just naturally romantic - but it often just won't happen unless you communicate your needs very clearly. If he is committed in others ways then that is a good sign to build something from if you are interested in him.
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A
female
reader, GG96  +, writes (8 June 2011):
Ehhhhhh i don't know. Having a friend pay and having a girlfriend pay are two very different things. He probably thinks hes the guy, he should pay.
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A
female
reader, GG96 +, writes (8 June 2011):
Ehhhhhh i don't know. Having a friend pay and having a girlfriend pay are two very different things. He probably thinks hes the guy, he should pay.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 June 2011):
Yes, you do have the right to be annoyed. This is very much a situation where he has chosen to throw your goodwill in your face whilst accepting his friend's. A relationship can't really work on the basis that you and your boyfriend sit around doing nothing, whilst he'll jump to attention for his friends. He should be doing things with you at this point.
Before you say anything though, really sit and think about what your boyfriend has to offer. Is he actually the guy for you? Or is he someone who perhaps can be left in the past so you can find someone who is perhaps more committed?
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