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age
26-29,
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writes: i'm 17 years old, and I live with my grandparents and my boyfriend of two and a half years who is also 17. I want nothing more than to have a baby, I know all the responsibilties because I grew up with my sister who had a baby at 17. I think i'm mature enough to take on the responsibility, but other people say different. However my boyfriend says hes not ready and he doesnt know but it gets me really depressed, I really don't know what to do, he said he'd do it to make me happy, but that would be wrong and I understand that he's not ready, but I dont want to keep feeling sad, Please help.
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Hi Leanna, I am relieved that you took all of our advice, but babies will never fill the lonely gap. If anything it will make it worse, you would be alone with a baby while your friends are out doing what most teenagers do..... having fun and you would feel very isolated and left out.
Go out and join a club where you can meet lots of people and make friends. You have all the time in the world to settle down, go to college get good grades and get a job..... make something of yourself you won't regret it I can assure you. You have a very sensible boyfriend there too you should be proud of him for preparing to wait when you guys are good and ready. I see so many young mums struggling trying to make ends meet, I was one of them. I got married very young had my son at 20 and my daughter at 22 whom I cherish very much. They are now 19 and 18 plus I am going to be a grandmother too. My son and his fiancee are going to have a baby any day....... to be honest I wish he waited until he had a good job, but I am being supportive 100%. Not many young parents get a chance like that and have to find out things the hard way.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Hi Leanna, thank you for that very thoughtful answer. It made me want to reach out and give you a great big hug, so here is a cyberhug ((((())))).
The thing is that you're not wrong to have those feelings, you can't be wrong for having them. What might be wrong is acting on them in a way that could really hurt your future. So you're realizing the difference between feelings and actions/consequences, and that is a really mature thing! Huge pats on the back for you... you deserve a 'go girl!' for that one.
You've taken some really big steps in growing up to be a wonderful woman and someday a wonderful mother. I'm sure your future children will be so happy that they've got a mum who will really understand their need for love and caring.
Could I suggest some silly little things to help you create something beautiful in your current life, so that you can feel wanted and needed? Look for some volunteer work that will help people. Sing even if you don't have the best voice, dance even when no one is watching, write poems and stories and dreams down so that you can read them again later and share them with people who love you, paint or draw even if you don't think you know how. The beauty in your life is your relationships with your grandparents, your boyfriend, your friends, the people you encounter every day who may be lifted more than you know by your presence.
I know how easy it is to feel lonely too, you know, lots of people here probably do too. You could consider becoming an agony auntie here and answer some of the questions that people your age ask when they come here feeling confused about things in their life. I'll bet you know lots more than you think you do! And I think you've got some real wisdom in there inside you...
Often people will tell those who are feeling sorry for themselves to go out and help people who are less fortunate than they are. Sounds a bit simple, but you know, there's a lot to be said for that advice.
So going back to your answer, there is nothing wrong with your feelings, you have them, you know. Now it's up to you to decide what actions you're going to take to help yourself find new feelings! I'm so proud of you.
xxxx
Auntie Tisha
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 No harm done, Leanna. I'm very happy that our posts have helped you analyze yourself and understand your own reasons to reach a conclusion. You have taken control of your life and made the right decision about it. Just keep going as strong as you have so far! And then, remember we're here if you need more help.
It seems like your boyfriend doesn't make you feel loved. Can you think of why this is so, and perhaps remedy that situation?
Some day you will be a great mother. At that time, you will have all the material conditions you need to give the baby what all babies should have. You already have your love and care for that baby, which is something money can't buy.
A hug for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI Wanted A Baby for all the wrong reasons:
I want to feel loved and needed
I wanted something to occupy me
I wanted to feel less lonley
I wanted to create something so beautiful that I could be proud of myself.
I know its wrong, and thanks for the posts they helped :]
x
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Life
We convince ourselves that life will be better after
we get married, have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough
and we’ll be more content when they are.
After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.
We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our
spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer
car, are able to go on a nice vacation,or when we retire.
The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you
have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone
special,
special enough to spend your time with…and remember that
time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting
–until your car or home is paid off
–until you get a new car or home
–until your kids leave the house
–until you go back to school
–until you lose ten pounds
–until you gain ten pounds
–until you finish school
–until you get a divorce
–until you get married
–until you have kids
–until you retire
–until summer
–until spring
–until winter
–until fall
–until you die
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So — work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.
Credit is given to this anonymous writer.
Tell your wishes to God and let Him know .
Only He knows what is the best for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have finished school, & passed my exams. Thanks for all the posts. x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Ask him to get married.When the smoke is clearing and you can hear his faint screams off in the distance, you'll have your answer. You'll realize that he was nowhere NEAR ready to have a baby with you or anyone else.
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female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (28 April 2008):
 DO NOT trap him into this. If he's not 100% ON BOARD with this decision you need to respect that. This is too big a responsibility to take on unwilling.
The decision to bring a child into the world isn't something you do lightly. And right now you're not prepared to provide for the child. You need to be able to make a lot of money, because babies are expensive. And you can't do that without an education.
Don't you want to be able to give your baby everything? Good daycare, mommy & me classes, clothes, diapers, food, toys, shelter, two parents who aren't stressing out because they don't have enough money, education, etc.? All this takes money and preparation.
Since you're not currently supporting yourself, you need to take your grandparents' wishes into consideration, too. If you intend to continue living there, what they think makes a huge difference. Have you thought that having the baby there wouldn't be how they would choose to spend their later years? You CAN NOT assume that they will help you with the child.
You have so many years ahead of you. You have more than 15 years (maybe even 20) to decide to bring a child into this world. You should wait until you have a stable marriage, an education, your own home, and a good income.
PLUS your entire life will change once you have a baby. No more hanging with your friends. Sitters are expensive and hard to find (and assuming that your family will give up their lives and do it for you is really irresponsible). Raising a child -- especially an infant -- is a lot of work.
This is the time in your life when you get to play. Go to college, study, party, dance, date, travel. You will never have this time back. Your boyfriend will never have this time back.
Please think about the child you're bringing into the world. This new person will have it's own wants, needs, aspirations, etc. It's not fair to bring him or her into the world just to fill a void in your life. That's too much to ask of any child.
Please think very carefully before you do anything you can't undo. You can be a wonderful mother some day. Don't rush into it too quickly. Good luck hon.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (28 April 2008):
I advised a young man a few days ago about him and his teenage sweetheart wanting a baby.
This is the advice I gave him.......... Hire yourself a Virtual Reality doll for say about a week or two and see how you cope, but no cheating do not get your parents out of bed 3 in the morning to see to it YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF and attend to its every needs.
Let me tell you something young lady, babies are very demanding.expensive,fed on demand and changing soiled nappies about 6-8 times a day..... Oh and by the way you cannot hang out with your mates when it suits you either, poor old mummy will get lumbered with something that is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND NOT HERS. So please dear think on before you want to take on a huge responsibility.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): My answer is defenetely NO!NO!NO!
Why you want do that to yourself?You are so young for those responsibilities!Besides, they are better things in your age that you can do!My little girl enjoy your life!
Have you ever said to yourself that you are still a baby..not a woman that can have a child..
Another reader ask you if you are at school are you?
Find other reasons to make you and your bf happy..a child it's gone make your relationship with him worst!
Think what is best for you(and don't even see the life of your sister you must learn from the mistakes of others not doing the same)!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 April 2008):
If he's not ready, then he's not ready. It would very very selfish of you to push him into doing something so final and alter his future, do you realize that?
I know that you feel ready, but just having a baby to keep from feeling sad doesn't sound like a good plan to me. Why would you feel sad if you don't have a baby? And do you have any money to pay for taking care of it (getting money from your grandparents doesn't count here)? Are you in school?
I think maybe you should really think about all the reasons you want to have a baby, and being sad about not having one doesn't count. If you can list 10 good reasons and share them with us, we can give you some better advice.
All the best!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 April 2008):
I'll give you a hearfelt opinion: don't have a baby now. There's no rush. Having a baby is a big responsibility and you don't want to share that responsibility with someone who isn't ready for that.
You can continue to be boyfriend and girlfriend for a very long time. That would make me happy. Is there a reason why you're feeling sad, something you think a baby would solve?
A baby is a person in him/herself. They are not means to an end. If you have a problem now, try to solve it; babies don't do that.
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A
female
reader, Nikkii Babyee +, writes (28 April 2008):
 although you really want a baby, you do have to think about yer boyfriends needs and wants! if he decides to have a baby with you and when it comes, what if he knows hes not ready for the responsibilty and just has to go because he cant cope? youd be left aloneand lost a guy that u obviously really love! yer 17 and have yer whole life on front of you, what about all the fun things that people at our age are ment to do? although you think you could be ready, what if a chance in a life time comes up over the next few years and you cant take it because yer stuck with a kid? id really have a serious think this could make or break yer world!
x0*
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