A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a bit of a problem that I am VERY confused about. There's this guy at my gym, he's (I guess) in his late 30s or early 40s. Anyway I like him, a lot, and he seems to like me as well, but I am 16. He doesn't know that. (Most people seem to think I am in my early 20s from my looks.) If he asks me out, what do I do? I know it's wrong to date him as he is double my age, but I don't think I can refuse him. (Illegal it will not be, because the legal age in Australia is 16 for sexual relationship.)Should I follow my instincts and just date him, or leave it be? Another way is to tell him my real age, but won't that scare him? Should I lie about my age, even though it will hurt him later on? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): I went out with an older man at that age, and he guilted me into staying in the relationship for eight years. I can understand the attraction, but the others are right. Any decent man will run when he hears your age.
A
female
reader, HonestyAunt  +, writes (21 January 2009):
You need to tell him how old you are. If it scares him off it's because he's made his own decision, but he has the right to make this decision for himself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 Kc100 wrote : ***If you told him your real age then if he is a decent person it would put him off because you are too young for him, but lying is not an option either as trust is the most fundamental part of a relationship.***
I agree 100%.
A 40 year old guy has nothing in common with a 16 year old girl.
Be honest about your age and tell him that you are more then flattered, but that you aren't dating yet. I think that is a polite way to turn him down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Don't lie about your age, if he asks tell him the truth, or you are responsible for putting him in an awkward position!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Don't lie about your age, if he asks tell him the truth, or you are responsible for putting him in an awkward position!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (21 January 2009):
 I personally think that if you start off with a lie it just spirals out of control. Be honest from the start and if he is still interested then he is into younger girls.
However, don't be surprised if he does decide it is not best to pursue the relationship.
If you entered into a relationship with him and then a few months done the line you get found out don't you think that would be worse, you could put yourself in a situation which is on a ticking time bomb.
Just my personal opinion, some others might think differently.
Take care.
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 January 2009):
 I know it seems like you really like this guy at the moment but if you did enter into a relationship with him then you would soon find out that dating an older man (in your case - way older) is not what you need at your age.
He will want very different things to you - where you will want to go out and have fun, see your friends etc he will be more into staying at home, cooking etc. He will drink and a lot of adult time is spent around alcohol whereas you cannot legally drink. He will have responsibilties - do you know if he has kids? If he has been married before? His life will be pretty serious and too much for you to handle at your age.
When I was 16 I went out with an older man and I ended it after a year and a half because he wanted to move in with me, get married, have kids etc and at the age of 16 I was overwhelmed.
If you told him your real age then if he is a decent person it would put him off because you are too young for him, but lying is not an option either as trust is the most fundamental part of a relationship.
I think you need to back off from this man, keep your distance for the time being and be friends with him. If he does ask your age then you have to be honest. You will be able to tell where the relationship is going from his reaction to your age and then take it from there.
Good luck!
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