A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so my boy friend says i whine but i dont believe i am when he says i am we use to be like best friends now i feel like were barley friends i feel like all he care's about is playing video games and smoking w/ his friends i no im kinda clingy but thats cuz i am very insecure about myself he has never cheated on me or anything but i still dont no what to do i have been trying to not be as clingy and watchinng out to make sure i dont whinne but still we fight over stupid stuff
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female
reader, HonestyAunt  +, writes (21 January 2009):
Right. You know yourself that you're clingy and you don't have very good self esteem, so you know what's causing the problem. It's horrible for you and not nice, but your boyfriend can't solve the problem here, only you can.
Instead of trying to change your boyfriend's reaction (this will only change when you do), work on changing how you feel about yourself. If you find it boring when he plays computer games, don't tell him to stop, go out and do something that you really want to do. You could join a dance class, volunteer for something, visit a friend, go for a run, to the gym, walk someone's dog, anything that involves you, not him. Don't think about him while you're doing this, think about yourself. Try choosing an activity where you meet new people, and go out without him.
By building up your own self confidence you won't rely on him as much - soon you won't notice whether he says you're whining or not - because you won't be, and you'll be having too much fun to care anyway.
A
female
reader, Problemsolver25 +, writes (21 January 2009):
It sounds as though he is doing the age old male thing of interpreting anything they don't want to be told as whining. Maybe you should play him at his own game, start a hobby or something that takes you out of the house or start inviting your friends over all the time. He will either realise how sellfish he is behaving or he won't in which case I think you need to examine wether or not you feel you have a future with someone who would rather piss about with there friends than spend time with you. If he wasn't making you feel insecure in some way or another then you wouldn't be feeling vulnerable and clingy. It sounds to me as though your a product of the environment.
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (21 January 2009):
 I think you need to get a life of your own instead of hanging out with him all the time.
You probably do whine, all girls have the tendency to sound a little whiny when they get emotional.
Anyways, if you get your own interests, you won't be so worried about him not paying attention to you, you'll alsoh have things to talk about when you're together and you won't focus on him so much.
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