A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you were a virgin before your gf and you knew that your gf only engaged in sex for a minute or two and realized it was wrong and stopped. And that was her only sexual encounter before you,would you let that effect you? I love my girlfriend but I just cant stop thinking about it. I know that it is nothing and shouldn't let it affect me. I mean I was the first guy that she has done anything with besides those two minutes. How can i get over this unnecessary drama. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all you have helped tremendously and I am not looking back or thinking about it. I can not let a little incident ruin something so important thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): "Five days later we get together and haven't looked back since"
No, not true. You are looking back and you are looking at her as having "less value" somehow because of this.
The value of a woman has nothing to do with whether they have had a penis in their vagina or not, or how many penises have been in their vagina. Really, I know this may be hard to understand, but it is true.
The value of a man has nothing to do with whether they have had their penis in a vagina, or how many vaginas their penises have been in.
If you really want to love her, then stop looking back. Right now you don't love her, you don't understand love yet. You have to work on that.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
If "you haven't looked back since"; then stop going there. There is No There there. It's like you want to screw it up by dwelling on it! Be happy and enjoy your good fortune; let the rest go.
It's up to you to control your own though process, Hun!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Brother I have been around. That is miles closer than I have ever been to as virgin that is above the age of 15.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Dude, its nothing, stop thinking about it.
Honestly it isnt your business, you didnt even know her then.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Quite honestly, what is important is not this little incident but whether you love each other. Why get hung up about such a small incident? In the great scheme of things it was nothing. Just enjoy being together and stop beating yourself up over it.
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A
female
reader, Sahara z  +, writes (31 December 2010):
Hi, some of these answers are really harsh! - You are clearly a very genuine, deep and caring young man. I imagine in an ideal world you wanted it to be your girlfriends first time too with you and because of this short encounter of hers you are saddened that this has prevented the perfect situation or ideal picture that you wanted. The fact that you wanted this ideal situation and that you are being honest enough to admit you have a problem with it shows how much you feel for this girl. Rest assured that this encounter was clearly no big deal as it lead absolutely nowhere and if anything has probably acted as lesson for your gf to not get into such a situation without being sure. I think the fact that she has been honest enough to tell you it worth a lot. There are lots of girls out there who would have lied. It cannot be a pleasant reminder for her and if she has gone on to do things with you then i imagine she will view her real first time of any intimacy to be with you. Your mind is also playing tricks on you and building this up to make it more than it is (which is normal because you are now in a relationship part of you is made to feel vulnerable so a lot of inward thinking goes on) It happens to everyone to some degree and affects some more than others at different times in their lives, some people have seedy pasts and their partners appear fine with it. Others will never go near a person they might fancy because of that persons past. Surely for where you are now in your life, if you really feel for your gf then it is a better situation for you than to find out she had a previous longterm boyfriend who she did everything with for two years. Or to find out she had already slept with half a dozen boys. How would you feel then? As time goes on i'm sure you will find that it won't appear to be such a big deal to you but you should also make your gf aware of how you feel so your feelings don't fester, your gf can then reassure you. Talking and being open about your feelings is the best base for any relationship. I would say you should make the most of what you have with this girl.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (31 December 2010):
 First is so overrated. I would rather be a persons best, rather than simply first any day.
Your feelings are normal, but it's how you handle them that will be your true test.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): It'll be ok, its natural to be a little jealous. However, you need to keep reminding yourself that you won becuase you got the girl - heart, body and all. She's human and has made mistkaes, as have you, don't let this damage her or the relationship. If anything, go talk to a counselor to get an objective opinion and to vent to.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 As you say, it is nothing and you shouldn't let it effect you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you friends, but my situation is different. I could have prevented all of this, but I played my cards wrong. I was a complete jerk. We were talking before the incident, and she was all I mine, but I just stopped talking to her. I was her first kiss. We occasionally talked for two months and then she got with someone else for 5 days and did it because of me. I used to call her soft. And she called me the very day it happened and told me she regretted it so much and all she wanted was me. Five days later we get together and haven't looked back since.
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A
female
reader, NicoleMarie +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Hi(:My boyfriend and I were each other's first, but when he jokes around about doing stuff with his ex's (even though I know he didn't), it bothers me a little. I can see where it would bother you a little, but if it was only for 1-2 minutes, I wouldn't even consider it losing her virginity. I could be wrong, but in my opinion, she was still a virgin. She realized before going very far into sex that she didn't want to do it, therefore she didn't love that guy, so you should think about the fact that she wants to have sex with you, and she didn't want to with him.I understand the jealousy, it's absolutely normal, and a little bit of jealousy (not to much) is actually healthy for a relationship. But, if you really love your girlfriend you can put it aside, it was probably a mistake, and she probably regrets doing it. So don't let something so small bother you. It will be okay. Good luck.Hope I helped :)
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (31 December 2010):
How can I get over this unnecessary drama. Grow up. Life isn't perfect. If you love her - prove it by loving her "warts and all". It's not retroactive jealousy; it's stupidity. giving it a fancy name makes the action seem legitimate. As a grown man, you need to make choices for yourself based on your head and your heart. IF you have chosen a worthy female; then you need to forgive and forget any past dalliances. THE PAST CAN'T CHANGE! Only the future can - so you need to move forward.
And if you write back that she doesn't have warts - I will shoot myself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):
The subject of retroactive jealousy has been covered on Dearcupid more times than you can count. Look up the past answers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): you just have to accept the fact that everyone has had some sort of history with other people before they met you. think of it like this: at that point in her life when this occured, you weren't a part of the picture! what this girl has done in the past has nothing to do with your current relationship. don't let it bother you. all that really matters is that she's with you now, and she loves you!
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A
female
reader, ThatsMyCookie +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Try not to let it bother you too much. She must have backed out last minute because she didnt feel comfortable/ready/right and that is absolutely normal and happens a lot.
If you do try again, make sure you go slowly and don't rush into anything.
Don't let it upset you, it's normal :)
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Grow up. People do things its part of life. No ones perfect. If it was before u and u knew about it then u desided then that u would execpt if. But seriously are you really 18-21? Where in the US do u live? Wow. Grow up SERIOUSLY !!!
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