A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I just broke with my girlfriend and now we are trying to work/talk it out. Heres the situation we got in fight she was saying i didint give her I didint give her attention and affection the last day before she lefted to go home for the holidays and im here but not here sometimes when we are talking. I do give her attention and affection but knowing she was leaving for the holidays I WANTED to spend it with her. We got into a argument in the car, in a argument i always stay quiet and i walked out on her one time, this time we got home and she said grad your stuff and leave i will get a cab to the airport and she was serious about me leaving with no regrets. Only reason why she said cause we argue every time i get a dayoff about the same situation which is me not telling her whats on my mind and i hold it in and then lash out on her when it builds up. Also i lied to her about 2 times about smoking cigarettes, im trying to quit by cold turkey its hard. also lied to her when we first started talking i slept with a girl. she forgave me about the lies and me walking out. now I grabed my stuff and left and when she asked me to, that night she called and texted me, I ignored her CALLS AND TEXTS that night, I was mad and scared.we broke up the next day and it took me 2 days to realize what i lost. I wrote a letter on how i felt and what i did wrong. she said it made her mad. she said she heard that same stuff from me before and it holds no value.i told her im not lying. Today we meet up and talked about What was goin on and what needs to be done.Say stuff said and she said i was cold hearted and thats how i see you now, what im i fighting for, arguments and broken hearts. I told i was selfish but i do like and care for you as you do me. She ""why i ignored her that night i could of just said i dont wanna talk or im fine, I was woried". I said I was scared and mad i didint no what to do and i didint want to argue and i thought we where done. She said thats not a valid answer and it didint make sense. I said thats what went through my head and im not good in these situation, I was telling the truth.Now she said shes more mad that it didint make sense and I dont know if i can go back to you, all i see is a cold hearted person but i know you are a good guy and nice, you wnet to far and now im just tired and deserve better. I said you do and im sorry! Please tell me if my answer is valid, of what should have i said.Can anyone give me some advice or tell me what i need to do? Any advice would be great thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for that advice now I see it from a different prospective and I can really say what I need to say. I'm very appreciated and I wil do my best and try my best to be more open. Thank you!
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 You need to show her that you can open up your feelings to her and work on being more vacal in the relationship. You walking out sometimes can work but only if it's for time to cool off then you come back and talk about it. Start doing this now by trying to be as open as possible of what you want to change in the relationship. Explain that quiting smoking is difficult and you need her support on it.
Don't run from an argument anymore, look to resolve it in a way that you both will be happy with. By doing this you can show her that you want this relationship and you are will to work with her in it.
Never say that you thought it was over because that is when it will end. You can't say you don't want to argue you have to use the words "I want to work this out with you".
This won't be easy to change but it can be done and she will greatly appreciate it. Being an open person is hard. I wasn't for years and even now I still find it tough sometimes, I think it's a guy thing but with work the cycle can be broken and it is much better for you when it is.
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