A
male
age
41-50,
*ustmeiguess
writes:Is something wrong with me?My boyfriend and I (I am a gay man) have been together almost 3 years, we are getting married in November. We live together and have a very open and public relationship. The problem I am having is in the bedroom. Our sex life is so one-sided. I perform oral sex on him and I masturbate him frequently, but thats where it ends. He has never touched me in any way. I ask him all the time to touch me but he tells me he isnt ready too and I dont understand that. If someone is ready to be pleasured how can they not be ready to give pleasure? I mean, im not even allowed to let my penis get near him, he freaks out and gets mad if it even brushes up against him while im servicing him. And its not like he has never been with anyone, he has been with several paople in the past, he has a lot of sexual experience. He refuses to french kiss me unless i beg and beg and he does it just to shut me up but is mad at me afterward. He gets mad if I ask him to rub my back or my chest, he gets mad if I ask him to hug me. But If i refuse to go down on him or touch him when he wants it he gets mad. I dont understand what his hold out is? anyone have experience with a situation like this? and advice?? Thanks in advance!
View related questions:
my penis, oral sex, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): I nearly cried reading this my heart goes out to you..!! You clearly love this man but gives you nothing in return you could try counciling but there is no hope for people like him..!! I personally would have left a long time ago..! I really hope you find happiness and sort this out..!! Do not under any circumstances let yourself be drawn into a life of service and abuse with nothing in return..!! Best of luck with everything..! Xx
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 whats the point in that relationship. sex isn't everything but it sounds like he is turned off by you sexually. frankly you have a problem and i would hold off marrying him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (5 September 2012):
I know it's supposed to be better to give than to receive, but you're not receiving anything! He sounds really selfish in the bedroom department and I would hold off on that wedding, otherwise the whole wedding night you'll be on your knees, unsatidfied. You need to talk to him to find out what his problem is...
...............................
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 First, until this issue is resolved do NOT marry this man. I'm sorry to say that after reading your post, all I could think was "are you sure he's gay?"
It just doesn't make sense to me that after 3 years he wouldn't be ready to touch you. I find it highly improbable that he is just a lazy lover. How well do you know this man? Has he had issues in the past with other men? Did something happen to him that would cause him to act this way?
My advice is to stop pleasuring him when you get nothing in return. It is unfair to you, and you shouldn't be expected to do that if he's not going to reciprocate! If he gets angry with you, just ask him how he thinks he's been making you feel for the past 3 years. You can't even get him to kiss you without him getting mad! That must make you feel absolutely horrible about yourself, and I'm sorry for that.
Bottom line, you shouldn't have to beg someone to show affection towards you. Or have sex with you after you've been with them for this long. There's something more to this story, I just know it, but until he starts talking you will never know.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (5 September 2012):
Here's my advice:
Whatever you do, don't marry him! Unless he makes more money than you do...I kid. Unless you want to spend your life in misery, don't marry him.
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Something is not right here. You need to both go see a couples councillor before you get anywhere close to getting married. You should be happy in your relationship before you make a _life long_commitment. You are not happy with the relationship as it stands , so you should change it.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 I would definitely question this and would hold off on getting married. People who want to be together, want to touch one another. I would stop trying and would be issuing some ultimatums...then I would stick to them.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 September 2012):
... and you're planning to MARRY this guy??? Think about THAT again.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 You are going to marry someone who has never touched you in any sexual way before? That doesn't make sense. He wants to get pleasure from you but won't do a thing himself. Why would you want to marry a man like this? And he freaks out when your penis touches him? Maybe he has psychological issues. Have you tried to really talk to him about this? Or see a counselor? I guess it's possible that he is just extremely selfish... But don't get married until this is solved. You can't have a healthy happy relationship when you are essentially being used for sex and he doesn't care about your pleasure at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): If your relationship is open, discuss it with him! After you please him next time be like "my turn!" invite him to please you back or do 69 so he is getting pleasure whilst he pleases you. If he refuses ask why, and if you get no decent answer be patient. Next time you please him ask the same, if you could maybe be pleased too for what you have done. If he refuses or gets mad you need to calmly speak to him. Because that's twice you have asked him and tried to talk to him about it. Basically try to work it out. Try to get sexually more intimate with him. But if he still won't budge.....he's very very selfish. It's unfair on you! He needs tO know this sexual intimacy is a massive part of your love for each other and you can't go on continuously being hurt and confused when all you want is a bit of love back!
Good look in whatever you do, ok?? I hope it goes well. xxxx be strong no matter what happens.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 Sounds like he's found someone who is willing to service him sexually without having to do anything in return. I believe that is called a selfish person. Why would you marry a selfish person?
...............................
|
