A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend found porn on the computer yesterday that we share. I accidentally left the history up and she looked through it and saw what I had been looking at. I told her I was bored and those websites were in the magazine I was reading so I wanted to look at them. But then I tried telling her it wasn't me, which definitely wasn't true. We've already had this discussion once and she told me how it makes her feel when I look at that stuff and I promised that I wouldn't look at it anymore. This is the second time she found it on the computer. She was very upset with me and I felt pretty bad. I know that she feels she isn't good enough for me when she finds that stuff on there. She did apologize for yelling at me though, but does she have any right to tell me what and what not to look at on the computer? I know I did promise her and all, but it's not like I look at that stuff everyday or even get off to it. What's the deal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Because you'll find yourself in the same boat myself and my spouse is in. Sitting in front of a theraphist, shaking your head that no, it wasn't wrong for you to use the last of the money to buy a porno, instead of your family some food, no it isn't wrong that you just dropped your wife off at the hospital and went home and wacked off to porno, no times that you put the porno before your wife, who never says no and still loves you after all the lies and times you made her feel like something on the bottom of your shoe... no there's nothing at all wrong with you looking at porno....
Ok, so I promised the counselor and my husband 6 weeks to make a change and still he says there's nothing wrong with him..... I have 3 more weeks and then he'll be living with his book and internet porno woman and being sized up by them.... then he'll realize that he's middle aged, very over weight, has old man hairs growing out of his ears, arthritis so bad that he can't keep up with a perfect woman, that when it falls she won't turn to him and still kiss him and say I love you honey, thanks for trying...
Then it'll be too late, he'll have lied once too many times, she'll realize she has nothing left to give him, just to be rejected and thrown over by the women in his fantasy world he's built for himself...
But at least she can be free and so can he, to look at his porn..
Make your choice and choose wisely, because it's hard to undo life...you have but one choice.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Men are just simple creatures .
It does not take much to make them happy.
A happy guy makes a great husband.
The hand that rocks the cradle shapes the world.
For further readings;-
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2001/julaug/8.50.html?start=3
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Women will never understand.
How can guys look at other more perfect women and humiliate us? WE are the ones who hold your hand when you're sick and pack you're lunch and listen to your stories about work. We laugh at your jokes and we try our best to make you happy. We often put you ahead of ourselves and think about you when we are alone at home and miss you.
Not those girls on the sites... They don't care about you.
Yet you prefer them to us! With all the pressure that modern life puts on the women, you add your bit... Thanks for making us feel ugly and useless.
And after we get raped and crawl through the psychological trauma and have sex with our dear husband again. We find them watching porn. And we feel raped again. This time by the man we love. And who professes to love us.
To me it constitues cheating.
And I want to cheat back.
It only seems fair.
Not with a perfect, please-cum-on-my-face porn girl, but with a real guy. Maybe one at work... You know, the one that always makes a point of telling me how good i look.
Does he watch porn? Who cares, I dont love him, I used to love you...
My husband, my love, who prefers to F--k Jenna or whatever. You dont know her name...
Do you even remember mine...
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A
male
reader, Aragorn  +, writes (21 May 2008):
some porn can be helpful in a relationship, some couples use it as an aid to make sex lives better if you were to get some instructional porn it might help your relationship I agree with susan
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (21 May 2008):
When you are all alone , you have all the rights.
But when you are in a relationship ,
you only have 49% and she 51%(Depends on who is stronger.)
If you want to maintain the peace and still do not want to
give up your porn , then go watch your porn elsewhere.
If you love her, then respect her.
You cannot change her opinions and neither can she change
yours unless you want to accommodate her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Sure you have a right....just like she has a right not to stand for that crap..
at the moment , its your call...watch porn or dont....
but if you choose to watch porn and she finds out then ITS HER CALL...and none of your lame excuses will mean a thing
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Strooth mate, that's taken me nearly all night to read!! I'm too exhausted to add my bit, I'm outa here.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 no im not twisted and neither do i have anger towards men. but im not afraid to say exactly what needs to be said. and it does get annoying to hear men who whine over why they canty watch porn, and why their gfs are upset when the clear answers are right in front of them. i came across strong, yes, but i take no offenses and neither give any. i just tell it the way i see it. and i hope we can all live with eachothers responses. aftewr all thats what we are here for. if we have to pussyfoot and walk on eggshells to get our point across, thern join the too nice to say the truth club. i mean no harm to anyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Wow Asian Tealeaf... That was quiet a rant. What you got a problem with, porn, lies or just men in general?
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf +, writes (15 May 2008):
porn should be for single individuals who are horny and going thru a dry spell between relationships. for gods ske, unless shes a frigid chic who does not want sex often, and then i can understand u do have needs... but if shes pleasing u, why the ehll do u need fake images? if ulike anl, for example, but shes not into it and u use porn to satisfy ur needs, why cant u just fantasize while ur banging her and pretend its her ass ur doing? same purpose same result. and its not ur hand ur wanking to, but her . i mean ur doing her and ur achieving a much better feeling, geez, why fuck ur hand when u have a fresh piece of ass in front of u? sound crude? well, i say it as it is sir. and, u lied to her. well, when she lies to u about something lets see where the chips fall then eh? we live in a societythat has for eons said its perfectly fine for men to watch porn, and for eons it was considered weird for females to look at porn. yet to exploit the female sex and body for the sake of some male and his sexual appetite is perfectly fine? we fall in the trap to believe men are visual creatures and not women? what better excuse for men to use then blame it on the difference of sexes but just so u men know, women are very much visual sexual creatures, and if we had a dick, man, ur asshole woulkd be on the verge of being on the endangered list. oh yes. wed fuck u and every hole a 1000 different ways. u woukld be turned inside out like a sock.white ;ies are lies. and if u call urself a MAN, either just be upfront and tell her ur going to do it because u enjoy porn seperately, give ur reasons, and if she leaves u over it, well, u can have a nice romantic date with ur hand and all tthe women featured in ur playboy. realize this buddy. its not only because women feel insecure enough, and its our societys fault for this crisis, as we place so much emphasis on cybersex, porn industry, women and perfection etc, hell, u cant look at a soap commercial now without some hot chic advertising it with her alluring hands and wide mouth that we women know u can only be thinking, this chic is annoying, y cant she just shut the hell up and start sucking my dick, anyways like you men care for dishsoap! most u guys care not for doing the dishes anyways, but certainly the dishsoap will come in handy if u run out of jerking cream! suck it up, be honest and then know this. theres consenquences for everything good and bad. dontr fuck with this girls emotions, u will be ruining her for the next guy, but then again, most probably the next guy will be a porn addict as well. address her insecurities, maybe make ur own porn together, mind u if u never use it after making it, because its "not the same" then i suggest u grab a gun and just shoot ur dick off. u dont deserve a girl. just be a eunuch. some body else will glady try to give ur gf the time of day if u wont. if i was a guy, i would be glad to never look at porn if i had a gf who was hot, sexy, and pleased me in the best way she could. too many men out there pressure girls to do acts they would never think of doing, like anal.my friends bf did that. she never did anal before and her bf pressured her for ions saying how much shed love it and how much shed cum from it. now, she has a complex and shes ruined, emotionally, after finding out her bf looks at anal porn like its his religion. and shes so hurt by it because he said before to her he loved anal and it was a fantasy of his and she caught him once to porn before and he said hed stop looking at it if she did not mind once in a while giving it to him. well, he lied to her, she has found loads of anal porn, and other sick stuff that only men would think of. and shes disappointed, hurt, livid. and what do u expect when she leaves him and moves on? the next guy will be scared to own a pc because shes going to check up on EVERYTHING he does because of lack of trust. haha. but i guess men dont think of the emotional scar damage they inflict upon the girls they lie to, and the poor dude next in line. should it not be part of guy code to not do these things to women, just so the dude next in line is safe from suffering a fate worse than urs? we all know women can be pretty squirrelly as it is, u all call us pms-ing bitches, but perhaps u might help to serve ur own selfish cause by just being honest, for one, and maybe finding other ways to satisfy ur rather sick cravings etc, like i said, by creating ur own porn. mind u, its a mjor trust thing as u dont want it to get in the wrong hands or u may end up hearing ur famous on pornput!! then if u jerk off to it, no gf will ever complain because its her u are jerking off to. getting off of. not some airbrushed bimbo. and for gods sake. we need to realize the porn and sex industry has its black markets. everytime u buy porn, etc, whpo knows what really happends behind the scenes? fucking americans etc go to thailand for the famous massgae parlors and the beautiful infamous women thjere. but most of the girls there are illegal, sold into the sex trade. only men would never consider thaty the poor 15 yr old girl there enjoying, was kidnapped, or unwillingly given up by poor family members who couldnt feed the xtra mouth. the only thing they have on there mind is how there going to screw every hole in her body. and a lot of these girls get pregnant and have abortions in unclean and illegal clinics, and some die. etc. so the next time u watch porn, think about this. just what exactly are u supporting? and is jerking off to porn really as satisfying as the rea;l thing? is lying to ur mate a wise decision? is it worth all that and more just to "get ur nut"? if u answered yes, then dear sir, ur fucked. id gladly grow a dick over nite and shove it in ur tight ass and nut a few times and whisper ion ur ear, wait for the next load. its gonna be real big. a nd u will be resembling a twinkie before u know it. sell the film to the gay porn industry, and lets see how well u rest at night knowing a million gay viewewrs everyday, each minute, somewhere on this sick disgusting and perverted world we live in, is jerking off to it, but not knowing you were an unwilling participant. smile for the camera u twink! because when i load in ur ass, im going to suck it out of u and spit in ur mpouth. taste my cream filling sir. feel the grief of thoussands of 100s of females out there who cry over porn every day. im not including the frigid bitches out there. them? well, id be jerking off too if i was with a cold bitch who would not give sex in a reasonable amount during the week. fuck. even once a day id be happy. yea, we have all beeen there, frigid women and frigid men. and its not fun. but what do u do with the honest horny girls whod gladly give u sex until they were rendered incapable of ever having sex again?im a sex machine and love to fuck. but if a man whos my mate fucks me over like u did to ur gf? just imagine an angry livid girl with the xtra power of having a cock between her legs? god sure knew the meaning when he said hell hath no fury where a woman is scorned. and he sure knew what the hell he was dfoing when he decid oed a penis was more appropriate for the male gender, rather then the female. because u know what sir? YOU MEN,WOULD BE ROYALLY FUCKED!and have no doubt in ur mind. ud be on the endangered list very very quickly. i hope u can work out things with the gf. but u will reap the rewards, as u will have created what she will have become. another fucked up bitch. thanks to u.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You have a right to do that, sure. Your girlfriend has rights, too: the right to ogle men who aren't you just as you ogle women who aren't her, or the right to leave you over it if she wishes to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): How would you feel if you found some porn that she was watching of men with big packages and rippling muscles..... PreciousNY
He'd be glad, because then she'd have to let him look porn when he wants.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Hi, I've just got to chime in with my 2 cents worth on this one.
The deal for her is that like many women, she compares herself to the women you're looking at, and it's a losing battle because most of the images are of beautiful, airbrushed women with no flaws and fantastic bodies. The average woman is inundated by the media, advertisers, women's magazines, etc. giving the message that a woman must be perfect to be desired. And here's what perfect is, from the above list, bodies that are virtually hairless, with large breasts that only point up, perfect skin, slim hips that have never had a stretch mark, no little dimples in cheeks or thighs, high high heels that no one could possibly walk 4 blocks in, big ripe round lips that are just glistening with gloss... etc. etc.
So it's actually quite daunting for your average woman to feel good about herself, if she has any self-esteem issues at all, and then to find that the man she loves is looking at these perfect women. WHOA, stop there, you're just looking, you're not comparing her to them, right? Because she may not really get that, we women compare ourselves to the check out clerk at the counter, the next door neighbor, the best friend even. And we almost always find a flaw in ourselves. Too large thighs, too small breasts, too much belly. And we assume that our men are comparing us to the virtual images on the computer or in the magazines.
We women compare and judge ourselves, and we usually come up with loads of flaws that mean no one will ever love us or find us desirable. You men look and enjoy, full stop. This is a fundamental difference between the sexes, from what I can determine. So this is where she's coming from.
So I'm not judging you for looking at porn, I think you're perfectly entitled to do it. What I think you did wrong was to promise that you'd never do it again, when you knew you would. That, and it was idiotic of you to leave the evidence for her to stumble on. Okay, you know that, that's why you're here.
The thing you're going to have to do is sit her down and explain as best you can, and I hope she is a reasonable young woman and willing to listen, is that she is your number one priority, that you love her to pieces and that you have never wanted to hurt her in any way. That you think she is the most beautiful and sexy thing in your life and that you wouldn't ever cheat on her.
She needs to understand that men are wired for visual stimulation and that they are going to look at women, even though they try not to, but that looking and fantasizing are completely different from infidelity....
Have a look around at the site to see some more Q/A threads on pornography; you'll get the full spectrum of views, from both men and women, and I think a little perspective may help you understand her fears and concerns and her anger. It may not solve the problem for you but you'll be in a better position to understand her side and to explain yours better to her.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, PreciousNY +, writes (15 May 2008):
I think that most women are against the idea of their men watching porn because it makes them feel like they are not good enough, plain and simple. You might try re assuring her that in no way are you comparing your real life gf with the porn stars on the computer and that you are completely happy with her. I think that she has every right to tell you not to watch it because of the way it makes her feel and why would you choose porn over the woman you claim to love? How would you feel if you found some porn that she was watching of men with big packages and rippling muscles? You would feel inadequate wouldn't you....this is the same thing. Women are much more crucial of their body image than men are and this type of behavior can kill a woman's confidence and make her feel so bad. Try to put yourself in her shoes and see how you would feel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Looking at it from her point of view, you are a liar that can't keep his promises, and masturbates to porn.
I can see why she would not be impressed by that.
You have a choice which do prefer a glossy mag or a real woman. Maybe you can talk her around and have both, but your bond will be weakened.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I know you lied and went behind your girlfriends back but I feel, like (most men) that your in a no win situation.
Your a healthy, sexually active young man. Most of the men I know like to look at porn. They always have, even when I was at school. Your girlfriend hates when you look at porn. Most women I know used to feel like this. You promise her that you will NEVER look at porn again because it hurts her. You try, and you try, but every now and again you get tempted. She cries, she's angry, you broke your promise. You make another promise. It happens again. Rinse, spin, cycle and repeat.......
Maybe next time she threatens to leave you if you look. Why are you destroying your marriage looking at porn....
This is crazy..... Cause guess what. MEN LIKE TO LOOK AT PORN. Not ALL men. But MOST. If their not looking at porn, then their looking at the breast of the postwoman/neighbour/90year old grandmother. In the UK our national newspapers are full of tits and arse. Why, CAUSE MEN LOVE PORN.
Once I explained this to my women friends, they began to see that all they were doing with their demands was forcing their husbands to become liars. Hiding away, furtively staying up late at night in a darkened room looking at porn and they lying about it. Gradually they came round to different ways of thinking and if not approving, are accepting of porn. Gradually more and more women are sitting down with the partners and using porn as a sexual/marital aid. Or even finding it a turn on themselves.
Some women can't do this. But I don't know why they want to put their marriage at risk over something that men find hard to control. Stop looking at porn or I will leave you. NO COMPROMISE, NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL. I HATE PORN, SO YOU SHOULD TOO. And women complain that their husband lie and break their promises. Sheeze.... What happened to equality in marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You lied and then broke your promise. If I was her, I'd be upset with you. If you're really that bothered about porn, then maybe you shouldn't have a woman that clearly loves you a lot. I see what you mean when you say that you have a right, but you have a girlfriend, and surely that means more to you? Make your choice honey, talk to her about it. You could watch porn together?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You have a woman, you should be admiring her, not someone else. The same applies to a woman, she should admire her man's body and not someone elses.
If your capable of straying here, where else will you stray? This begins the setup of a relationship to fail once you start widdling away at the trust.
She has a right in the situation!
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (15 May 2008):
 The deal is that firstly you lied to her and then you broke your promise to her. Are you surprised she's annoyed with you?
Porn, and erotica, is about sex. It's as simple as that. And sex is an intimate thing between loving partners. I don't believe that porn - the "erotica" type of porn rather than the exploitative type of porn - is necessarily bad. But it most certainly is NOT something you should be looking at regularly when you are in a relationship unless it's with the full knowledge and consent of your partner. You are not going to get that consent as long as she thinks it's something you look at because it's "better" than she is.
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