A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I don't know what to do anymore!I'm a mess. I am only 15 but i'm with this guy, he's prone to panic attacks and I've caused him to have three. I didn't let myself in for this! Whatever I do he cries or has a panic attack. A propper one as well. One put him in hospital. And I'm not exactly super bad to him he's just really over sensitive. But i cant handle this anymore, i can't act the same way aroudn my friends, he has to take up all my attention or he starts shaking. I cant do this! And i know if i splitn with him he will go crazy and I do love him so i dont want to. But I don't see a way out. help :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Hey im 16 and my ex bf had the same propblem what i did was sit him down and ask him why is he so emotional and why does he panic one reason my ex did this is because he had adhd which is atention depist hyper disorder and the second his father is dying. so you should sit him down ask why he panics and is so emotional and if he says thats just him try to work out a plan to keep him calm and cool with everything.
hope things work out for you
A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 15 is way too young to be dealing with that.
Very few relationships between 15 year olds last long, my advice would be to break it off, he'll get over it eventually.
If you keep going out with him for his sake just to prevent him from hurting himself, it'll just make things worse.
I hate to advise someone to dump a bf or gf over sommething medically wrong with them, but imo it's probably safest to quit while you're ahead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): Hi Hunny,
you are much to young to be dealing with this, Its hard enough when you are older. First he had medical attention you said, Has he been advised to get counselling to cope with these panic attacks? You are not to blame hunny and you should not be in this position where you are worried about the way you act infront of him as if this continues you will be the one with panic attacks as well.
He really needs profesional help as he has some kind of phobia by the sounds of things...
Now I no someone who gets this way when he has a girlfriend he becomes angry, crys, and basicly has tantrums when the girl isnt as attentive as he would like so in the end he looses everything and the very reason he panics is the fear of loosing.. Causing bursts of anger then the tears then the hitting of walls...And everygirl walks away scared to death.
If you love him and want to be there for him then you are going to have to be very strong, Tell him you love him but be very sure to point out that this behaviour has to stop and he needs to see someone about it, Reasure him you will do your best to help but you can only help as much as he helps himself. Dont panic when he has these attacks a shortness of breath is natural they call it the flight and fight syndrom and the body is going into fight mode as if he were say being chased by a lion the heart starts to race and you feel unable to breath a brown paper bag over the mouth and nose him breathing in and out should help love, He really does need to go to a doctor, But you cant run to his every desire in fear as he is doing this to himself if he wont help himself. So you have to walk calmly away if he acts like this and not go back, This may sound cruel but its not sweety as after you have talked and told him what he needs to do to get help then he cant use you as an excuse for these episodes, And if he wants to keep you then he will get the help. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (28 November 2007):
 You sound a very caring lass, but at your age when you've got exams awaiting you, you cannot be dealing with all this stress! This relationship is not fair on either of you, i know you love him and everything but unless he's got the willpower to get some therapy to overcome this illness then you should dump him. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind, he can't be enjoying this anymore than you are. Gud luck, hope all goes well! x
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I used to go out with a guy like this as well. He was the same controlling one who wanted to control what I wore, and didn't want me to wear makeup. I left him. He got over it and started looking for someone else to control. Let him go. You don't deserve all of this guilt.
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A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Jeez, do you really need all this in your life at your age?? You should be out there having fun, not stuck with someone who emotionally blackmails you! Let me put things straight....you ARE NOT responsible for his panic attacks. It's his illness which he needs to take responsibility for. It's up to him to avoid situations which trigger it and to learn to cope with it. He can't make you or the world responsible! You're going to need to be really tough now and make it clear to him that he needs to grow up and sort himself out, and to stop blaming you for his issues. If you love him, then stand by him if that's what you want, but start creating some boundaries. Don't put up with his crying.Walk away if he starts, tell him you'll be back when he stops. He'll soon stop when you no longer pay attention to him whenever he displays this kind of behaviour. Trick is to ignore the bad behaviour and to praise his good behaviour. You can help him with some hard work from both of you, but if he doesn't pull his weight you're going to fail. But you know at the end of the day you cannot be held responsible for his actions, only your own, and if he "goes crazy" when you split with him, well that's not your problem but his as cold as it sounds. He shows an extremely manipulative streak which is not something you want in a relationship, believe me, as it only gets worse unless he's prepared to accept he has a problem and will do something about it.
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