A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my 20s and I had a really unsettled childhood. I experimented with drugs and drink from when I was very young and I had a on-enight-stand when i was 15 and fell pregnant with my daughter. I ended up vry deep into drugs, seriously addicted, but I'd been clean for 2 years in Jan. I met my best friend when I was 11 and he was 13 and hes my probelm. Hes never been into drugs or any of that but hes always stood by me and I love him so much. Hes always been in my daughters life even when I havent been (she lives wiht my Dad) and she adores him. We've never been in a realationship but its something we've talked about before now. We spoke about it a couple of weeks ago and he asked me to move in with him (he has his own flat and shop, I sort of split my time between my parents houses and friends sofas) our convosation ended with him telling me to just think about how i really feel about him I don't know what to tell him. i've never had a good relationship in my life, not with family, friends, partners or anybody except my friendship with him. i find it so hard to trust people and even harder to put my feelings into words. I love him and i'd absolutly love to spend the rest of my life with him though. Is it worth telling him that? or should I just stay doing what I'm doing now with no real home, staying no more than a couple of nights in one placE? i'm thinking I'm less likely to end up emotionally hurt that way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Thank you ever so much for your kind words.
My guys a tattoo artist. Hes very, very good at it. I'll never in a million years be able to work with children though. it was something else i wanted to do when I was younger but I have a record for drugs and drink related offences from a few years back. This guy has offered to show how he does his work before but i've always said no. Think it's just fear again. No big deal being bad at working in a supermarket because it's not something i really want to do. but if I'm bad at something I really watn to do i'll just end up feeling like a total failure.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (29 November 2007):
It sounds like you have had a hard time with everything. Don't give up. I am a "visual learner" too, so I know that there are ways to move forward. If you had the idea and loved tatooes, why not apply to a shop? My dad started out sweeping the floors in a film company and wound up running it! Lots of different jobs require visual and artistic skills. Like you said, tatooing, also haicutting, decorating, baking, make-up, window design, sewing - there are loads of possibilities - more than I can think of. You also have considerable mommy-skills now and people are always looking for someone dependable and punctual in child-care and nursery school help (if you love working with children). You are more capable than you think, so stop dwelling on the past and putting yourself down. You can't have gotten this far through everything and picked yourself up without skills and determination. As far as finding a job that you love, it's all about finding the right fit.
He sounds like a catch. I know that you are scared. You may be scared about putting your heart on the line, but "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained". Everyone takes that chance, the moment when you put yourself out there, asking to be loved and waiting for the answer. Someone has to say it first. If you really love him and want what is best for him in your heart, take the chance. Tell him. He sounds like he's worth the risk. I think it's worth the risk.
Big Hugs. Good Luck Sweetheart. It seems as though all the Aunties are behind you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): I'm just scared. We're meant to be takng my little girl out at the weekend so i need to decide one way or the other before then or its just going to be akward.
I've never had the guts to put my heart on the line. i know he likes me because he's told me but I'm scared that he'll turn around and reject me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Tell him! He sounds like a great man, and if you really love him you should tell him. Otherwise you might never know if he loves you back. I'm sure he won't kick you out of his house because you admire him so much!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): I left home when I was 16. i havent had a real home since then. I also left school at 16 with no qualifications thouhg i didn't really go to school much in the first place. I regret it now. Idon't learn as fast as other people, mainly because I didnt go to school much when I was younger. I feel totaly stupid sometimes. It;s hard at my age to find somebody who's patient enough to help me get qualifications.
I've had a couple of jobs, the last in a supermarket but I couldn't get my head around using the till and they started getting impatient with me so i left.
It's hard applying for them too because I'm not very good at writing. My younger sisters filled out the last couple of apps i sent. Its embarassing for me to sit here now asking a 13 year old how to spell things. i've always been quite artistic rather than somebody who was set to become a rocket scientist or brain surgeon. I wanted to be a tattooist at one point. Mainly thinking I could tattoo myself so I didn't have to pay to get any more done I think. haha.
I just don't know where to start. i thought itd be all sorted once I'd got off the drugs but it jsut didn't work like that.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (28 November 2007):
You are two years clean. Did you go to AA or another group? I think that they all say you can get involved after one year clean and sober.
But - You sound like you think that things are not going to work out between you already, even if you do seem to love, respect and admire this man. He is the one friendship that has been a constant in your life. The only thing that concerns me is that you say you are a bit of a gypsy, with no real home of your own. Why is this? If you go into this relationship with the idea that he will give you a home, you are making him responsible for something that you should have already done for yourself and your daughter. The person who should be giving you the home that you want is you. Until you take responsibility for your own life and create the one that you want for yourself and your daughter, you can't really begin to share it. It's the reason why you are reluctant to ruin your long-standing relationship. You are giving up your own self-control and handing it to another, making them responsible for your happiness. Once you get on your own feet, you'll be ready.
Take a good look at yourself and decide how to get where you want to go. Do you have a job? Do you need a different/better job? Retraining? Councelling/Career Councilling? I really think that this is what is stopping you. Once you feel that you are in charge of your own life, you won't be afraid to love this great guy, and you'll feel like you have a shot at making it work. Right now, when you THINK that you don't have much to offer, you are entering into this looking to shoot yourself in the foot because you don't feel you deserve to be happy. By asking this question, you have taken the big step of being responsible, because you are more concerned about Them than you are about yourself. Get out of the rut you are in and make something of yourself. You have a lot to be proud of, you have a beautiful daughter, a great friend (AND he's the man that you love, lucky you!) and you have picked yourself up after a long battle with addiction. That's amazing! You DO have the strength to become the woman that you want both of them to see. We're all rooting for you!
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 After thinking carefully about what you wrote about the relationship with your friend I think being honest is the best way to deal with any issue. If you are friends you should be able to sit with him and tell him exactly what you wrote here. The funny thing about love is that no matter how risky it is most of the time it is worth it. I will be the first one to tell you that when God blesses you with a gift you take it. Your friend maybe the man you will spend the rest of your life with and you may live happily ever after. Does he want you to be his roomate or does he want to try a relationship? I say go for it, prepare yourself for the worst but as hard as it maybe for you to believe some people do get there happy ending. I hope that it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): sure - you wont get hurt by always bouncing around - but you will also never really be loved, or love - and trust me - i would sell my soul for just a chance at true friendship and love. dont blow a good thing...
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