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If a girl lets you do things for her, does it mean she likes you?

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Question - (12 September 2011) 12 Answers - (Newest, 13 September 2011)
A male Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met this girl and she asks me to drive her places, and I helped her move. I also help her out by giving her advice. My best bud says if a girl is always looking to you to help her with stuff it means she likes you. I am not sure though. I really do like this girl which is why I started doing this stuff for her in the first place. But I am not sure if this is a sign that she feels the same way. Is it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011):

It sounds more like she's taking advantage and using you to get things from you.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (13 September 2011):

angelDlite agony auntit is not as simple as your friend says. this girl might like you and is asking for your help because it gives her an excuse to spend time with you, or she may just be taking advantage of you, knowing that you like her and will do anything for her. be careful you are not being put in the 'friend zone'. look at other factors to tell whether or not she is attracted to you, or even better - ask her out!

x

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 September 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntmaybe she does

maybe she doesn't

like you the way you like her...

but the truth is that if she's asking for help and letting you help she may just need the help.

IF you want more you need to move on it now... call her and ask her for a date.. a real date... dress up, pick her up take her out for dinner.. and talk to her about it...

be prepared for her to say "well I don't think of you that way".... and smile and say "I wish I could change that" and leave it at that... but then you can try to change how she sees you.. not blatently but subtley... tiny things...

check on her regularly....

bring her a treat now and then (not daily and not REGULARLY but once in a while)

ask her out again.... treat her like a date....

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (13 September 2011):

chigirl agony auntIt can go both ways. It is true that if a girl likes you, one way to get your attention would be to ask you to do things for her, so she gets to see you, and show you that she likes accepting help from you. Accepting help isn't something everyone feels comfortable with.

However, there are also women who don't ask for help, but take it for granted that people will do their bidding. These women are not grateful, and will not give in return, but take take and take some more.

To be sure which kind of woman you are dealing with, you should either ask her for help in return (maybe some womanly task that you think she would be great for helping with), or you can ask her to meet you for a coffee/hang out. Use the excuse that you would like to spend time with her aside from when you are busy "moving out" or doing other things.

However I will also add that if the woman is asking you for help because she likes you, the follow-up to this strategy of catching a man is to invite him on a date as a "thank you" for the help. A thank-you date can be her making you dinner, bringing over a bottle of wine, inviting you to something where she pays for it (movies, exhibitions etc.). If the woman is asking you for help as a way of showing you she likes you, she will also follow up with an inquiry for a date. If she has not tried to make plans to meet you after you helping her out, and it's been several times that you helped her out, then I do not think she is flirting, but taking advantage.

Examples of how this flirting technique works:

A man I had known a while asked me to help him go shopping. As he, like many men, do not like shopping while women are good at it. After the shopping he invited me for coffee, which he would pay for, since I was so nice to go shopping with him. He showed he was grateful, and we agreed to meet some other time for a cup of coffee. Result: he got a date and gets to spend time with me.

Once I was going on vacation, and I asked a man I know if he would be an angel and come pick me up on the airport when I returned. He came to pick me up, and in return I promised him a bottle of wine which we would share together. Result: I get a date with him.

I hope you see how it works.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (13 September 2011):

hannah76 agony auntHi,

She likes the things being done for her!

There is no hard rule on this I'm afraid and we are all different when it comes to friend or lover or boyfriend or husband. I'm not too sure about saying how you feel because I've been shocked a few times by guys that I had no idea they had felt that way. So, what I would say is that things need to change because if you carry on like this, you will not move any far forward with regards to dating. Perhaps you could suggest coffee sometime, something light and that doesn't sound too much like a date. Then you can gage the reaction you get. If she turns down coffee or something outside of you helping her out, then she has obviously pulled back. I would say, suggest something lightly. In other words, something that involves "not" giving your services or helping her out. Let us all know how you go. x

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (13 September 2011):

TasteofIndia agony auntAs a female who had a few of these long-term friend zone fellas, I have to say that the guys here are right. I am in no way suggesting that this stereotype is completely true of everyone or that young ladies are doing this to manipulate and use you. (Though, to be fair, it's not like there aren't people out there who will do both of those things... just, not everyone is like that.)

Those LTF (Long Term Friendship) guys were reallytruly my friends. We hung out all the time and did some really fun stuff together - it wasn't about gifts, attention and rides - they were quality friendships. I cherish the memories and still have the friends.

But they were still stuck forever in the friend zone. Why ruin a really great friendship? Or, she may just end up not being able to see you in 'that way'. This is not to say other guys who started as friends didn't turn into something else. That happened too. Most of my relationships started as friendships. But those friendships turned into more pretty swiftly. Truthfully, the LTF fella is pretty much the boyfriend without the action. Or, maybe even just without the commitment. It's not the INTENTION, necessarily. But, it is what it is.

You could gain a really great friend. Or, you could just tell her how you feel now and maybe you'll find out that she likes you too! And at least you'll find out where you stand. Good luck!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011):

I agree with the other aunts. If you ever want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with this girl then you are running out of time fast. You have to start letting her know you feel that way about her very soon.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011):

she could just be using you for her convenience, that's all. many women were brought up being accustomed to being a "princess" having a man take care of them - whether it was their dad, older brothers etc. She could just be assuming this attitude with you.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (13 September 2011):

Jmtmj agony auntSounds more like the dreaded "friend zone" if you ask me.. and there's a big jump between friends and being a romantic interest. A few questions... Is she willing to do things for you? Is she shy? Has your friend who gave you this advice actually ever had a girlfriend before?

There's always a chance.. its just not a very good one in my opinion. Rooting for ya though :)

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A male reader, AntPain United Kingdom +, writes (13 September 2011):

Honestly man a girl asking you to do stuff for her can mean one of two things. Either she likes you and its the only way she can spend time with you without seeming suspicious or she could just be using you as free labour.

As horrible and sexist as it sounds, women do this and its much more common in younger girls. I dont mean to sound horrible and its perfectly likely it isnt this.

My advice, tread carefully with this girl and dont get too attached to her because it could very well end up with you just being some guy doing stuff for her in the hope itll go past that when she knows it wont but is giving you signals. I personally have a friend that fell into this trap and its "rather tricky" to get out of once your there.

Anyway, all depends on the girl....if shes nice and sensible then she could fancy you otherwise ive already stated. You might be a little more sure if she starts asking to do stuff with you...rather than you doing stuff for her. Maybe you could even just ask her out for a casual drink and see what happens :) good luck though

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (13 September 2011):

The Realist agony auntShe could be thankful you are there to help and does in fact like you. Or she could just be using you because you are willing to do things for her. It is really hard to tell the difference because if she is using you she will act just as if she likes you to get what she wants. I think the best option here is for you to ask her on a date. If she says yes you two can go out and you can find out that way. If she doesn't want to for some reason then I would say that she is using you.

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A male reader, IHateWomanBeaters United States +, writes (13 September 2011):

IHateWomanBeaters agony auntYou are very very quickly approaching the friend zone.

You are a convenient tool. Be very careful. You are at a point where you can't just tell her to go to hell and then say, "let's get some dinner". You have to flirt with her. You have to show her that you are interested and that you are not going to be someone that she can simply use.

It is all done with subtly.

To answer your question, there is a chance. I am sure someone else here with expand upon what I am saying.

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