A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 7 months and I enjoy discussing everything and posed the hypothetical question of "if we were to break up, would you be interested in pursuing any of your friends". Fyi, he has casual female friends whom he has dated briefly in the past or finds attractive and interesting. In all honesty he said yes. He also clarified that he is devoted to our relationship. I believe him and believe that our relationship is solid, but at the same time I am uncomfortable with the idea. Sometimes knowledge can cause a certain level of discomfort, but ends there. Other times, one should really worry and think long and hard about the info and situation. Does anyone think that this warrants the latter?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): Thanks so much to you guys for your advice (and laughs). Things are clearer now. I heard about this website thru my bf and I'm glad I wrote. Cheers
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 June 2012):
 My wife once asked me if I would re-marry if she died. I said that I wasn't certain. She said, "Well, I hope you do re-marry.... BUT, If you do...I hope you won't let her use my golf clubs."
I said, "Don't worry. She's left handed...."
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 I always say it's best not to entertain those kinds of discussions with our men because they will always say something we can't get out of our head later. Now that you know this, it will drive you nuts everytime he interacts with this particular female friend. It's going to forever be a red flag. What's done is done. You've only been with him for 7 months so it's kind of early to make demands about his friendship with her just yet. But maybe after you've hit the 1 year mark you may have to tell him you're uncomfortable with their relationship given what he revealed in a moment of "honesty". In the future don't ask anymore questions like that because we rarely like the answer that comes out of their mouth and it gives honesty a bad name.
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A
male
reader, downonmyluck +, writes (2 June 2012):
hi, let me comment here just a little bit. First of all in reading about your problem,I think its great that you can discuss everything together. Communication with your mate is very important! I see nothing wrong with either one of you dating somebody else, whether those "others" would be some of your friends or someone you find in the future,if that's what you both want. But I'm more concerned about the two of you discussing breaking up &pursing relationships with someone else. Doesn't that tell you something? Atleast in my mind, that tells me that maybe your relationship isn't as strong as you thought it might be. If you're really comfortable in your relationship in the lst place, you probably shouldn't be thinking of making it come to an end by breaking up. I do hope you'll take the time & think things over & not get into too much of a rush to break up..Just sleep on it ok? Wish you well!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 June 2012):
God, I never understood why people do this to themselves. Why would you ask questions you know you do not want to know the answer to / can't handle the answer to?
No, I do not think his answer warrants more thought than it already has. Poor guy doesn't seem to know the concept of little white lies, as this falls into the same territory as "does this dress make my ass look big?" It's a landmine and he just stepped into it.
My advice is: get over it, it was purely hypothetical and you're lucky to have a bf who is that honest. He's with you and that's what counts. Maybe you're meant to last, maybe not and maybe then he'll end up with one of these friends. Or maybe he'll find someone else entirely. The future is not set in stone, so just focus on the here and now. Don't let this ruin what you have.
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A
female
reader, MariaTrent +, writes (2 June 2012):
I'm in my 1st time LDR for the past year and have vigorously bought books/studied relationships from a man's point of view. Guy advice that I've come across on your topic would be:(1) He's with you because he wants to be with you. (2) Never accuse him of anything that you don't have solid evidence of.(3) He was honest with you -- he could have lied. Honesty shows respect for you.(4) Jealousy will kill your relationship. Remember -- you asked.(5) To get the upper hand, be confident (*accepting yourself, including your flaws). Radiate that you are a prize to be won (don't go overboard, though -- there has to be hope for the hunter).(6) The best way to keep a guy's attention is to ignore him. What I mean is don't let him know that he's the center of your world. Never tell him how you feel about him -- always let him initiate. Learn new things and share them with him (but not in a way as if you think he's stupid) -- he will be fascinated by your experiences/knowledge. Makes you more interesting to him. Let him initiate phone calls/emails -- I read many blogs where guys worry if their girlfriends are into them because their girlfriends don't constantly call/email them like all the other girls...my experience is when I email/call my guy, he takes his good ol' time responding, but if I ignore him, then he's the one chasing me with phone calls/emails -- human nature is human nature. Be cool and he will chase you. I hope you get what you want :)
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