A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ill try to keep this short and sweet, my bf and i were together over 3 years we have a 2 year old together. he has a lot of stress and demons, drug addict, anxiety, can't hold a job, his dad just passed away, we never broke up but he seems to say we did and we aren't "technically together" he got weird for awhile, said he could hang out with whomever he wanted etc, after hardly speaking to me he came to my house and spent time with me, after his dads funeral, he started to drift away again, he finally texted and said he sees no good coming out of this and we can still be in each others lives just not together and finally "leave me alone from now on" its all very confusing! i have not spoken to him in 2 weeks or seen him in 3 weeks he hasn't seen our son or asked about him he just fell of the map! a friend of his saw him and told me he was upset and grieving and said he wasn't messing around with anyone he just needs space, i'm so confused what do i do? i don't want to walk away from my family, we're all he has!
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (3 June 2012):
you can do better, I know his father died but thats no excuse to be addicted to drugs when he has a child to think about. also he cant expect you to just stick around when hes messing you about. you both deserve better from him.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 June 2012):
I think you should stand up for yourself and your son and demand some clarity. You can't allow him to just barge in and out of you and your child's life like it's a department store. You've got to set some rules and boundaries, just like you have to do with your child.
I can understand you're sympathetic towards him as he's going through a lot, but if you just let him walk allover you, he's never going to get his act back together. Your child needs stability and harmony. He also needs to see his mom setting the right example by doing what's good for her, which not just accepting everything your bf throws at you. Your bf needs someone to tell him "no" once in a while. He needs someone who doesn't accept his shit.
Losing a parent is tough, I get that. Dealing with anxiety too. But there's help he can get. Drugs and not being able to hold a job tells me he has a weak will and is very impulsive. He will need help to be the best he can be or he'll just be a drifter for the rest of his life.
If you have any means of contacting him, do so and lay out your terms. He's a father now so he better act like one.
In your shoes, I would:
#1. Break up with him. Him disappearing on you, telling you he can see whomever he wants, etc. means right now he's not BF material. He's downright disrespecting you and unreliable as a partner and a dad. Now, by ending whatever this relationship is doesn't mean denying him to take part as a father. It just means not allowing him to treat you like dirt.
#2. Demand a consistent presence in your son's life.
#3. Demand he gets himself cleaned up in rehab and go see a mental health professional. He can't fight his demons on his own.
If you can't contact him, next time he comes knocking (trust me, he will) lay it out for him then.
Also remember, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Being a pushover doesn't help him. It just further enables him to continue screwing up his life. Tough love really helps in that case.
Good luck OP. You're in a tough situation and it's easy for me to say all this, but it's you who has to deal with it and I respect you for how well you're holding up already. Your bf could learn from you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 June 2012):
 You describe a pathetic excuse for a man, then say: 'i don't want to walk away from my family, we're all he has!"
For the life of me, I can't understand why you don't say: "Good riddance... at least NOW I - and OUR son - can get on with an almost-normal life....."
What do you owe this creep?????
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