A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a happily married woman with two beautiful children. I became overweight after having my kids and have always had selfesteem issues. Although people constantly tell me I have such a pretty face I struggle with body image. Recently a man at work asked for my cell number,after haviung some great conversations nothing sexual... I gave it to him thinking it would be for work related advice. He then began texting me and the conversations became inappropriate and sexual I initially tried to stop it but I ended up continuing with it aswell, I think we both were not taking it seriously but never the less it was very inappropriate he knows that I am married and he himself is engaged. Well my husband asked me who was texting me over and over and asked to see the phone I reluctantly handed it over and he read the texts... He was very hurt and upset, angry disappointed that after we had discussed this previously that I did not stop it... I immediatly told the guy that my husband read the texts and was very mad that he really needed to stop texting me, he appologized and told me to appologize to my husband on his behalf he was just being an idiot and had no filter sometimes. I am at loss and don't know how to prove to him that it meant nothing. How do I make this right?
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at work, engaged, married woman, overweight, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/were-married-i-dont-want-her-meeting-up.html - OP, i found another link which may prove useful in your situation: its about a married woma who is getting too friendly with her enagaged colleague.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Firstly it DID mean something. The moment u admit this, the first step then starts towards saving our marriage.
Whether u are suffering from self esteem issues or not,inviting a 3rd party into your life added a spring in your step. U loved the sexual connotation. Loved the attention anD lapped it up.
You need to apologise truthfully to your hb. Do u have any remorse about your wrongdoing or are u shellshocked at getting caught?
U need to ask your hb for forgiveness and u need to start working at him trusting u again. A lesson to be leant: get the attention from your hb . Add that special spark that is missing.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): You've gotten good advice so far, nothing to add here but that counseling may be the only way to get through this without a divorce.You were looking for more to happen at some level, to reaffirm how attractive you are. By doing this you have let your husband know that he is "not enough" and that is what he is doing right now, wondering why he is "not enough", thinking of how attractive this other guy must be that you would do this and think of him over family and home and consider leaving the husband and children for him...."what does he have that I don't have.""he appologized and told me to appologize to my husband on his behalf "Bullshit, he doesn't care about your husbands feelings, he probably figures that if your husband doesn't have what it takes to keep you loyal then he deserves whatever you do to him, and feels good that you would mess around with him behind your husband's back, he gets a big ego boost from it.Your options are not good. First, if you really don't want a divorce, you never talk to this guy again, ever. You consider quitting your job, you never text him, email him, chat him up at work, etc, etc, etc.You are having an affair, emotional only at this point maybe, but if you touched him, kissed him, or did anything at all more than talk and text, anything, then you were also having a physical affair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): why were you texing back and forth with another man? YOU need to answer that quetion for yourself. I dont mean it sarcastically, but there is a reason why you didnt just blow this guy off. Perhaps you liked the flirtation, and the attention. There is nothing wrong with that. My advice is to sit down and to think to yourself why you kept it up. I think you should tell your husband the truth...about how it made you feel. And then finish the conversation with your husband with: What you did was sneaky, deceitful, and wrong. And that you are truly sorry for hurting him. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 A happily married woman...with kids!!..sexting another man.
Something isnt adding up...
It maybe a good thing your husband caught it early enough to nip it
I think you were lacking attention from your man and what you got from this other guy provided some excitement
As harmless as you thought it to be...carrying flame close to bossom,you were bound to get burnt! Most cases of infidelity begin as so
Theres no quick fix solution to make things right,perhaps counselling..though thats a last resort option
What you both need is to just sit down and talk about your marriage and what is lacking
You especialy need to examine yourself to find out what you feel is lacking because you honestly cant sit there and tell us you are happily married then go ahead all flirty with some other guy
Fine the thrill and excitement of the forbidden is very appealing but YOU MADE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER...
and the fact you were willing to risk it all leads me to believe that theres something seriously lacking in the marriage
Just sit down with your man and open up to each other,i believe he would be willing to listen to you and find a way to move on from this together,after all nothing happened...(unless you havent told us the whole story!)
Do whats right for you and your family. GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, masquerade711 +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I've gone through this before myself, so I know how you must feel right now.
The way my boyfriend looked at it when he found out was, "Does this upset me? Yes. I don't want you to even fantasize that you're with another man. I want to be enough to satisfy you, so that you don't need to be imagining someone else. But is this irreparable? No. The important thing is that your fantasy stayed a fantasy and you didn't physically cheat."
It's a process of rebuilding trust now. Every day he trusts me little bit more. What I've done to earn it back is given him full access to my phone whenever he wants to look at it. I don't pretend to turn it on or fiddle around with anything. If he wants to see it, I hand it directly to him. And every time this happens, he sees no messages from this other guy, and trusts me a little bit more.
Trust is hard to get back once it's been lost, but not impossible. You CAN make your way back from this. And don't beat yourself up over it. It's done. It's in the past. You can't change that it happened. What you DO have control over is what you do now. So be honest, be transparent, and be above board. Things will work out. :)
masq
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A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Well, your now going to have to engage in the long hard, slog to win back your husbands complete trust and that is going to take as well as patient communication alot of time. I think in your instance it might be worth examining slightly why you felt compelled to join in and make an honest assessment of if there is anything you need to address in your relationship with your husband (and the same really applies to the guy, if there is anything in his relationship that is missing); if there is then you also need to address that.
The thing to remember here is that you can't make things right as such; you cant make something that has happened magically not happen. All you can do is amend your conduct from here on in and learn the lesson necessary and go on from there. Throw yourself into making your relationship with your husband the best it can be; maybe spoil him a little (but not too much) and go from there and show him you can be trusted. Other than that all you can do is give it time I think. Good luck :)
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