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I was forced to have sex with this boy, my friend now doesnt want to know me, and I feel I have no one to talk to!!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 March 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2007)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i feel as if i am alone i have no one to talk to i am due to go to counselling in a few weeks i feel as if i cant go through with pretending everythings ok when its not. i was forced to have sex with a boy. my best friend tried to help me but becuase of this she gets threatend becuase of me by that boy as she lives near him he was warned by the police not to go near her or talk to her. but he gets his friends to do it and they continue to. well now my friend does not want to know me now and is not talking to me when i need her the most. i cant talk to her now and i am not really close to the other girls at school. my sister who is 18 well she is wrapped up with her boyfriends, my dad well hes my dad, my mum i dont live with her she lives far and recently had a baby, my nan i dont want to worry her, and my aunts im not close to and they dont know what has happened they have thier own problems to deal with. please help me i dont know where im going or what im doing.

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A male reader, steven 25206542 United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2007):

steven 25206542 agony auntomfg call the police right now this is sickning no girl should ever be forced to do this the scum who did this should have his balls riped off honistly do not let him get away with this if u still have the clothes he raped u in DO NOT WASH them as it might have his dna on and this will help in getting the basterd locked up plz do not feel guilty this is not your fault

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007):

Talk to everyone, Police first, then your family, then friends, let the world know what has happened. This cannot continue to happen. Nobody should be forced to go through that. He needs stamping on now. Your mam has had a baby, so what, you are her daughter, tell her. But please do not suffer in silence. Get check out at the doctors and tell them all that happened. Do Not Let People (scum) like this to get away with it. You have been raped! The lad needs arresting and made to stop this immediately. Keep in touch with us.

Take care

xx

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A male reader, Ice_Hockey_Player United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2007):

I take it you're in East London somewhere right? Hackney? I hear about this alot, how were you forced? If you did not give your consent then it is rape, even if it was only oral it is now rape.

In both cases you should report it but will need to speak to your Dad and sister for support. I now about law so can maybe advise. Your incident obviously happened a while ago so there will be no DNA left for evidence so you may find yourself 1 on 1 at court if he got charged with it which is pretty difficult to prove but he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it!

The other thing is to get checked for STD's have you been to a clinic as these dirty B*&stards often have diseases (or did he use a condom?)

J

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A male reader, Ice_Hockey_Player United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2007):

I take it you're in East London somewhere right? Hackney? I hear about this alot, how were you forced? If you did not give your consent then it is rape, even if it was only oral it is now rape.

In both cases you should report it but will need to speak to your Dad and sister for support. I now about law so can maybe advise. Your incident obviously happened a while ago so there will be no DNA left for evidence so you may find yourself 1 on 1 at court if he got charged with it which is pretty difficult to prove but he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it!

The other thing is to get checked for STD's have you been to a clinic as these dirty B*&stards often have diseases (or did he use a condom?)

J

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A female reader, AngelofLove United Kingdom +, writes (4 March 2007):

AngelofLove agony auntYou have been a tremendous ordeal and it is not good that you do not have someone to talk to.

Your best friend is frighted but she must also get culprit's friends reported to the Police as it is harassment. I am sure that she must rather be there for you.

If you can push forward to get councelling sooner it will be better to give you some support.

Remain strong and do not let him and his friends affect you more than they have already.

Breaking the silence is the first step of a very brave person.

Lots of hugs

Angel of Love

xxx

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A female reader, maruechant Philippines +, writes (4 March 2007):

maruechant agony auntSince things have been very difficult for you knowing that a close friend of yours does not want to talk to you anymore about this, it is time to ask an urgent help from a guidance counselor in your school or from "someone" who can do something on this issue. Dear, it would be best to to find a confidant, an adult whom you may feel comfortable talking with. If you cannot tell this now to any of your relatives because of the worries you have, be brave to let your guidance counselor help you decide on the next move to be made. Remember, if this is "forced sex", this could be rape and therefore necessary verdict must be given to this offender. I can see that you are a courageous child since you have already taken a few steps to share your case to us, continue being bold. Keep praying that this issue will be solved in no time. God bless and have strength.

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A female reader, Sam23 United Kingdom +, writes (4 March 2007):

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that you were forced into sex. The most important thing for you to understand is that it will never be your fault, and the blame lies completely with this boy who cruelly took advantage.

Not everyone has the support they need after an event like this and it may be that the people around you are afraid of approaching the subject for fear of upsetting you and themselves. Think about what you would like to say to them if you could and write it down.

You say your going for counselling, this can be a positive step for some people and the fact that you have decided to do this suggests that you are strong enough to know what you need, which is a healthy place to be. Try to accept all your feelings, they are valid and deserve validation. You know what happened and no-body can take that away.

I have heard of one type of therapy: write all your feelings on a piece of paper, all the anger, pain and humiliation and afterwards burn what you have written. Then, wash your hands as if to clean yourself of what happened.

Some people like to watch the flames burn.

There's no easy way to get over what has happened, and some days may come easier than others but it does sound like you have close family around you. Even if they are not willing to discuss your feelings make the most of the fact that they are there and try to get some happier times out of them.

Good Luck!

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A male reader, geqo South Africa +, writes (4 March 2007):

geqo agony auntYou shouldn't be so hesitant to talk to your family! I'm quite sure that if they knew what was going on, they would make time to pay attention to you and help you through this difficult time.Try talking to your sister or dad, as I'm sure they'd want to help you.

Your friend is probably having a hard time about it, as she wants to help you (she tried to help you in the beginning) but is too scared to because of the guy that's threatening her. have you told the police about the threatening?

But for the mean time, talk to your sister or dad, and hopefully they will be able to help you until you get to go to the therapist.

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A female reader, wild_cherry69 South Africa +, writes (4 March 2007):

wild_cherry69 agony auntwow.. in a way i know what ur talking about.. but all i can suggest is go to the counselling.. it really will help.. and talk to ur friend.. mwa hope everything turns out ok with u..

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (4 March 2007):

birdynumnums agony auntPlease go and talk to your Dad. I know he's your Dad and that this will be hard for you to do, but you really need the help of an adult, not your sister or a friend. Trust me your Dad will know what to do and take care of you.

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