A
female
age
41-50,
*o1983
writes:Hi im in a bit of a mess, i am in a relationship with a person i have a son with. i was attacked about 4 weeks ago and now im 2 weeks late my partner doesnt know i was attacked no one does. I am in debt of 6k and im out of work im struggling finanically with paying debts and raising my 2 year old. I am against abortion but seems like the only option or i could lose my partner as well. I dont know the person who attacked me and i havent told anyone because i was attacked when i was young and no one believed me then so dont want to go through the courts again or have everyone look at me with shame. What should i do?
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female
reader, Jo1983 +, writes (23 March 2010):
Jo1983 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank everyone for there words of support and advice i really appreciate it x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): honey, whatever you choose i wish you the very best in life. in the end you will have to live with what ever you chose. i think at the very least you should tell your boyfriend...you should not be doing this alone. im not sure if there is something you are not sharing or if you are just having a hard time facing reality and arent thinking clearly, or if your boyfriend is a jerk..but whatever the case, i do wish you happiness. hugs, mal
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A
female
reader, Vicci +, writes (22 March 2010):
 if your partner really loves you, he will love the baby as much as you.
But dont bring the baby into a world of hate, where all you can think about is that the father attacked you.
I agree with the other 'aunts' though, you seem very collected about your attack. I know if i were raped, i would truly tell someone right away. Its nothing to be ashamed of, and not your fault!
why would rape make your partner not love you, and also if you dont know the person that attacked you, why would you have to go to court to testify against... no one?
vicci x
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A
female
reader, Jo1983 +, writes (22 March 2010):
Jo1983 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason i can talk about it is i needed advice and why should i let him destroy my life through what he did yes it hurts and yes i do cry myself to sleep every night.My dog took herself back home which she does when ever shes had enough of walking shes trainned but i never trainned her to kill anyway shes only a minature and its cruel.I have trainned her not to hurt anyone as i have a 2 year old to think about.I have made the desicion to terminate i will end up hating the baby if i see him through the baby and its not the babys fault also i got to do right by my other son.Its going to be hard but i have no other choice i never asked to be raped.I do not my partner knowing or anyone else i already feel disgusted and ashamed to me it never happened thats what i keep telling myself to get through the day without breaking down.Thank you to everyone who has given me advice it has helped alot and i needed to hear the truth to help me make my descion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): I think that if you were truly raped, and your partner loves you then he would stand beside you through it. I also know from personal expierience that if you were really raped then there should be no fear in telling your partner, unless of course the rape is a cover for adultery. I have been raped. 3 times. I know the pain it causes and I know that i wouldnt be on the internet posting for the world that it happened to me. The baby is not the issue, i wouldnt abort period, but what if the baby is your partners??? and what are you telling him is the reason you havent been sleeping with him. You stated that you havent had sex with him since the "attack". and You need to tell him asap. Not having sex with your partner, then crying rape makes you look guilty. I know this is hard to read. but its the honest truth. You should have explained this all too him the day it happened, where was your dog by the way while you were assaulted???
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A
female
reader, Jo1983 +, writes (17 March 2010):
Jo1983 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a scan yesterday to see how far gone i am but they couldnt tell because they said they cant really see anything till ur 6 weeks so got to go back for another scan in 2 weeks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Hi. For someone who was raped 4 weeks ago, you sound remarkably collected. You talk of concerns about your partner raising a child that isnt his...and finances. But you barely mention the attack. I think you need to call a Rape Crisis centre and speak to someone now. Worry about other matters later. You may not even be pregnant. Trauma can delay or even stop periods. Just speak to someone about what has happened to you as a first step.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): i also am wanting to have more information.
first let me say sweetheart i am sooo sorry about what happened. i think you should definitely tell someone.
about abortion. laying my own feelings aside, are you against it or are you not. its easy to be against something when its someone else, but it boils down to is it a preference with you or a conviction? there will not be an easy choice. it is very possible that this could be your partners child. weight it all out sweetie. and i cant begin to tell you what to do, i havent walked in your shoes. i can tell you what i think i would do, but i really dont know do i?
i will say that i have seen wonderful parents with monsters as children...and horrible parents with wonderful children. i dont think being a mugger or a rapist is heriditary.
take care of yourself and do keep us posted. either way, whatever you chose, the aunts and uncles here do care. mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): abort it, and get on with your life.
Every time you look into its little face you will see him, also dont pass on his inferior genes to an unfortunate child
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2010):
You must tell someone that this has happened. Quickly. I am assuming that from what you have said, you were raped. It is very important that you tell your husband you were attacked and the police, because if you don't, assumptions might be made that you cheated and this man will more than likely do it again. Also, you need to see a counsellor as well, to get all this out. There are rape crisis centres that can help you. And it's very important that you go to one so you can come to terms with what has happened, and also so they can help you make a decision about the baby. Remember that your son will need to you to be strong, and that may not happen if you just try to forget about this and have an abortion because in a few years time, this is something that could cause a breakdown. Please get help. And get tested for STD's as well.
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A
female
reader, Jo1983 +, writes (15 March 2010):
Jo1983 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was Raped my a stranger while walking my dog.The baby could be his but also could be my partners as i slept with my partner less then 24 hours before i was attacked.I havent slept with mypartner since the attack so its gotta be one of them.I normally am agaisnt abortion but if my partner found out he might hate me or leave me and how can i expect him to raise another mans baby who attacked me and what do i say to the child when they grow up.Also im finacally unstable but i cant use that as an exuse because if i knew for certain it was my partners i would never abort and adoptions out of the question because i wouldnt let it be able to let it go.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 March 2010):
 I'm sorry but this does not make much sense. If you could clear a few things up that would be very helpful.
1. In what way were you attacked? Are you trying to say you were sexually attacked and the baby'a father could be that man?
2. Why are you considering abortion? Is it because of what I mentioned above? Or is it mostly due to the money, or some other reason?
3. Why do you think you will lose your partner if you have an abortion? Is it his baby? Is he against abortion too?
If you could clarify on those 3 points by logging in to your account here on DC and then use the answer box at the bottom of the page then you will be able to add any extra info as a "follow up".
I will try and help in any way I can but I need more information I'm afraid.
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