A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 years old and I live with my boyfriend (we are engaged to be married). The thing is that I moved to his country to be with him and I am just not happy here. I don't even think I really love him. BUT he loves me soooooo much and it kills me. I told him over the weekend that I was not sure that I wanted to get married and he just talked and talked and talked about how much he loves me and how his life would be over if I left! And I don't really have someone here to escape to for a few days because I have no family or really close friends that would understand. We have not had sex for a month and I cannot kiss him! Its really hurting me....am I making a mistake if I was to break this off? Please advise me honestly..I really dont want to hurt him but he won't accept to break off and I don't want to destroy him... HELPPPPPP----
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (15 March 2010):
You need to remember why you fell for him in the first place. Perhaps the loneliness of being in a new environment has made you feel this way? However, if you are sure, just get your family to call you for an emergency back home or something. Then just don't go back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I don't think you would be making a mistake if you break it off. I think you would be making a mistake if you carried on! Yes, he may love you a lot, but the relationship isn't just about how he feels, it's about how you feel too. So if you don't feel the same, if you are unhappy and want to leave, then you do. Staying with him out of guilt or a sense of obligation is not a good idea. Not only is it unfair on him, it will most likely lead to more unhappiness for you. You have to think of yourself here too, and if it just isn't working for you, you need to respect those feelings as much as his. He may be upset and hurt. He may find it hard to accept. But if you think breaking it off is the right thing to do, you can't let that stop you. In time, he will come to terms with it.
Could you contact your friends or family for help? You could explain to them that you have tried, but things just aren't working out, and you are unhappy. There is nothing to feel bad about, we all have to take chances, and sometimes they just don't go the way we would expect. This isn't working out the way you would like, so it's time to think about what steps to take next. I know it is hard though, but I think you need to try and put your feelings aside for a moment, until you are more clear about what you are going to do.
I hope things work out for you, good luck. x
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Would you rather be miserable like this for the rest of your life? Please ask yourself this. If you honestly don't love him anymore, don't stay with him, you are just leading him on and he will hurt even more once you do leave him.
Moving to another country to be with him is a great leap of faith.. but maybe you can go back home. Go see your family again, they might be able to help you sort things out, then maybe you can go back to your man.
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