A
male
age
36-40,
*p0307
writes:Its been a while since i wrote on this thread but thought it was time to do so ... Ive never had a girlfriend and always feel lonely even though im in university but i live at home and dont socialise much as i havent met people i like at my university. Its one of the best ones in the UK but the people are very pretentious and only like to drink and if you dont (like me) you're just ignored and not invited out. Well before i wrote about hiring a prostitute to make me feel better and it didnt and ive visited a few since then and still feel the same ... lonely and hating my self more... The one thing i crave is love from someone but this isnt happening and i dont know how... I think i need to get away and going to thailand for 1 month to learn muay thai ( my sort of holiday) which will aid my gym and health. I just wanted to ask do you all think im a total loser for doing what ive done, but i really do hate myself for doing it and i know it never makes me feel better but dont understand why i still go back to them? Well ive decided to stop again!!!!! but i think this time im being more strict as ive had enough and want to go away to thailand otherwise ill end up a loner for the rest of my life
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male
reader, look samurai dick +, writes (11 August 2010):
your not ab-normal for sleeping with prostitutes. lots of men do it from all different backgrounds. dont beat yourself up about it.
the more you do it, the more you will need to do it.
you have probably said "this is the last time"..... but this will go on and on - seeking a bigger hit. like a drug.
you seek love and friendship - you will never get that from a prostitute.
dont get confused with your emotions. the need for love and the need to let out sexual frustrations are different things.
if this issue is bothering you and your finding it hard to control you should seek help. i know it sounds ridiculous but the problem wont go away by itself. i myself use prostitutes. sometimes going months thinking im "cured". but unless i stay on top of things mentally and am open about my issues then it all goes back very quickly.
find someone to talk to.
all the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): From the sound of it, I think you have always been looking for love but confused it with sex. While it's easy to see them as intertwined, one does NOT always relate to the other.
You saw a lady of the night....so what. What you do with your private life is your business and no one else's. You are not a loser for seeing one....although you could fall into that category if you continued hating yourself but still saw them. Thankfully you stopped. You tried something, you didn't like it, you learned from it. Think of it as a learning step and simply move on from it with your head held high!
best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Maybe you have issues that make you less confident than most. Have you tried joining a gym, spending the money there that you would otherwise have spent on prostitutes. You would meet plenty of girls and be improving yourself. What about a holiday with a difference. Instead of Thailand with all its connotations, why not try a volunteering holiday, whereby you help others. That would make you feel great about yourself. You would be helping others and meet some fantastic people.
End of day, its your choice how you live your life but if the way you are living it is making you unhappy, its up to you to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Firstly you need to ask yourself if YOU think you are a loser for sleeping with prostitutes. What you think of yourself is what matters. You are right to want to stop this self-destructive behaviour. The more you seek prostitutes, the harder it will be for you to have a normal relationship with females. The kind of relationship you have with a pro, even the kind of sex is completely unacceptable to a real woman. Try online dating to meet a wider circle of friends and dates. A free site like connectingsingles.com has thousands of people in the same situation as you. Or gumtree.co.uk if you want to meet casual but non-prostitute women. Yes, perhaps a holiday is a good idea to help you try refocus on yourself; but I can't help wondering how someone attempting to stop seeing prostitutes will find it easier in Thailand the land of the ladyboys. I guess you will have to have self-control there too.
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A
male
reader, Dekten  +, writes (15 March 2010):
The issue to address here is that you're asking other people whether *they* think you're a loser for reason X. Some people will think you are, some won't. That goes for every reason imaginable.
This reveals insecurity on your end as well as a lack of fully developed personality. THAT is the thing you should work on. The other people have given some excellent suggestions. Women are usually attracted to confident men.
As you've already figured out: prostitutes won't give you love, just sex. In the end, you're still empty inside.
But keep this in mind: NO ONE can fill the void you're feeling. You have to be a happy confident individual being the person that you are. That's the only way any future relationship will be sustainable anyway.
Best of luck, mate! It takes a lot of work and confrontation with yourself to get there, but you can do it!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 March 2010):
 "muay thai"... hahahaha.. haven't heard that word in ages.. Have tons of fun, and get some rest, you'll need it with them Thai guys.. :)
No, your not sad, but you are very young. Your in such a hurry to fall in love, that you went to a professional, who gives your body relief but can not help your lonely mind. Not the best way to find comfort, your better of going to dancing classes, that way you get to hold a woman and have fun at the same time.
You got to stop hating yourself, if you do that, no girl will see you because you look too unhappy. Thailand will be good for you, hopefully they will kick your ass and teach you not to give up and to show perserverance and patience.
Masturbation is better than using professional prostitutes. Prostitutes can leave you sad and lonely if your looking for love. Join some hobby clubs at university, join taekwando, judo or karate or some otherr martial arts. Nice place to meet women who share the same interests as you. Why can't you just ask a girl out.. opps, sorry, money people, I understand, they can be difficult. But not everyone has money, some come from your background. Join the many clubs the university run and your sure to meet someone even if it's only a friend.
Girls are good as friends, as they have other friends and their friend might be right for you.
I know you don't like the drinking, nightclub scene, fair enough, but you do meet nice girls there. Try sports clubs, fitness club, or go library, and supermarket, good places to pick up girls. You got to be brave little one, push yourself forward and don't worry about rejection. If you ask out 100 girls, you'll find that one or two will say yes and at least you'll get some practice.
Try to make friends with girls, they can give you ton's of tricks on how to find a decent woman to fall in love with.. Now enjoy your trip and come back brave.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2010):
I don't think you're a loser. Misguided, perhaps. But not a loser. The need to feel loved by someone else is a very strong, almost dangerous need. It can lead to happiness, but if left unchecked it leads to all those dark places. Many men have done the same as you, many women have as well. The key thing is to be happy for yourself, and happy in your own company. If you are happy for yourself, and confident and in a good place, other people notice it and suddenly take notice of you. I was lonely and very underconfident. So, I made a decision to focus on myself, and now I'm much happier and I have a girlfriend because of it. I would never have found her if I was still unhappy.
I think the holiday is a good idea. Get away and just focus on your own life for now. The right girl will be out there, but you need to be in a good place for yourself first.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Having sex will not bring love, which I think you've realised. Maybe a holiday will be good for you, as you are shifting your focus elsewhere.
Have you tried online dating sites? There are many genuine people on the internet who are indeed looking for love. It's becoming more and more acceptable to find partners online. That's where I found mine. Good luck x
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