A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now. We have a very good sex life and I've always been (and still am) extremely attracted to her. The only problem is, she won't EVER let me go down on her. I have been trying since the day we started hooking up, and quite frankly was pretty shocked when I first tried and met resistance. To be honest, I've never met a woman who doesn't enjoy a guy that goes down on her. But mine is apparently an anomaly. I have probably tried a dozen times since, and every time I'm thwarted by the closing of legs and her pulling my head back upstairs. I have tried talking to her about it, and she always says that she feels like she needs to be perfectly clean (i.e. right out of the shower). Unfortunately, I've even tried right out of the shower and she still won't let me. Bottom line is, there's always an excuse of why she won't let me go down there. The problem is, its not just about me giving her pleasure. I honestly TAKE pleasure in doing it. Because she doesn't let me, I feel like I'M not getting the full amount of pleasure out of our sex life that I want. It's very frustrating because she's not letting me do what I want in bed, and I feel like its hurting our sex life. Ladies...please let me know what the deal is, and please let me know what I can do to fix this issue!
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oral sex, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kama  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Does she let you use the hands? Maybe that's a happy medium. She's the only one who knows the answer to your question
A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (24 June 2010):
 A lot of women do not like receiving oral sex. Women do not have the love affair with their vaginas that men have with their penises. A lot of women see their vaginas as "gross". So no matter how much a guy likes it, she is still not going to think it is her best feature. I imagine one of the reasons you love giving a girl oral sex is because of how much she loves it. So one of the things you might want to ask yourself is if you will enjoy it if she is just "letting you". If it isn't something she likes, she may let you go through the motions but might not be giving the moaning and groaning you are used to.I think this is one of those times you can inform the person that you love it and love doing it and fantasize about doing it to her but then put it in her hands to make the decision. If someone doesn't want to do something in bed, it's not our right to find a way to get them to do it. Even if we feel like it's hurting our enjoyment. Sex is a very vulnerable thing and when someone tries to force us into vulnerable activities we aren't comfortable with, we don't just decide one day they are right. It can build a lot of resentment up in us. Imagine if she wanted to do something to you that you didn't want done. Could you imagine if she was always asking to do it to you and felt like you were stopping her sexual enjoyment. You would be so upset that she wouldn't let up. The only thing that can kill your love life is a belief that you need certain things to make it complete. If you are happy with what you have, you can have a full love life. So I would tell her you think she looks amazing down there and would love to give her oral sex BUT you will let her make that choice and leave it at that. Otherwise, I can see unnecessary fights happening and unnecessary dissatisfaction.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 There's nothing to be shocked. Perhaps your girlfriend is shy or self conscious about hygiene, or perhaps, more simply, she just does not fancy receiving oral sex. That all your ex partners enjoyed that, it's a lucky coincidence ( or maybe a couple just went along with it to make you happy ). I have no official stats about ihis - but I can tell you I know several women who do not like oral sex, it does not provide the right stimulation for them, - they find it boring,or they need to see their lover's body and face when they climax,not just the top of his head. Different strokes for different people.
I understand you are frustrated, but at least please do not make her feel as if she is a freak for not sharing your preferences !
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 I'm not a lady, but I can tell you what you can do. You can watch TV, check your Facebook, read a good book, mow the lawn... The world is so full of wonderful activities! A creative mind will unearth them all! But, you can't have oral sex. She doesn't want to and it takes two to tango.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Some women do not like oral sex, and you forcing it as an issue becomes upsetting to her.
Please remember all people are different and like different things. Pressure in sex is never good.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 June 2010):
 A lot of women are constantly told through the media that their vaginas are ugly, smelly, and just plain gross and as a result many are EXTREMELY self-conscious about that area. Why don't you tell her (while you guys are fooling around) that you are pretty much aching to do it and would find it the sexiest thing in the whole world. Make sure you compliment the area over and over and tell her how much it turns you on. Tell her the smell is intoxicating and just looking at it turns you on a LOT. Basically lavish her (the area mostly) with compliments. Make sure she knows it turns you on to do it a LOT and it would be a favor to you for her to let you. Again, make sure you tell her you love the way it smells, tastes, and looks. Try starting out by kissing around it and making noises like you're really enjoying it so she knows.
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