A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am married and have had a crush om a co worker for the last 7 months. I have been quite good at hiding my feelings from him til recently when we have spent a lot of time together at work. Working one on one. I let it slip about my crush on him recently and he said he was flatered but as time has gone on lately he has admitted even though he is also married his feelings for me.his wife works at the same place we do. He says he was fighting his feelings cause his wife will kill him if she knew. We have only ever talked about our feelings. We limit our txt and calls outside of work. @ work from the time we r both there to the time we leave we r talking as much as possible. I recently had an asthma attack during work and he showed major concern that he even called in the evening to check on me. My husband took an hour after I arrived at home from the doctors to ask if I was ok. By they my friend had checked on me. It really pissed me off. Since this event I have been questioning my feelings for both men. How do I deal with this? I live my husband very much but I shouldn't b having these feelings for my friend. I want my cake and eat it to but know it's not an option. We both love our families and don't want to hurt anyone but we want to make our. Friendship last thru this all. Is it possible to work thru this and remain friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to say thank you all for the advice you have given me and I will take it to heart and sit down and pull myself together to decide what works for me. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (27 January 2010):
You have four options and need to consider each.
1) Work on your marriage. You have a lot invested, but if it isn't going in the right direction and you can't change it, you're throwing your life away.
2) Leave you husband. Maybe for this man or someone else further down the line. The hardest decisions in life whether job, marriage or anything else is when to move on and when to tough it out. No one wants to be a quitter, but no one wants to be a fool either. If you choose this route get your financial affairs in order first.
3) Have the affair. If you do it discretely and don't make a lot of drama it could be the best compromise. You could keep what you like about your current life and still live more fully. But always be prepared for the breakup.
4) Tell you husband. In my personal situation my husband loves me so much he lets me have a boyfriend. Hard to believe but true. This may seem an unlikely outcome for you, but alternatively perhaps your husband feels the way you do and would prefer to stay married but be emotionally apart and free to see others.
That's all I can think of.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (27 January 2010):
 Great responses so far.If your hubby didn't ask, why don't YOU ask him, is HE ok, does he need anything, and tell him what to do to please you and that you both need to think of ways to revive romance in your relationship, as you feel it's not going in a good direction now. There is no nice way to put this, I'm afraid, but maybe your 'friend' plays interested because he knows the prize might be, who knows, sex with you? Isn't that what you looked for when you confessed your love for each other. Oh dear... you are making comparisons that are unfavourable to your hubby, is this fair? - if I were you I would try to remember it is this guy from work who has questionable morals, it is not hubby who goes after married coworkers, hopefully. If you actually care about your marriage, please redirect your efforts towards a more promising direction, to approach and resolve the problems within your marriage. All the best dear.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 January 2010):
You're both attracted to each other because your marriages are in need of repair. So tell him you're focusing on your marriage and go home, tell your husband your relationship needs working out and get ready for some hard work. You don't know what this other man is like outside of work, and if you do have an affair it will ruin you both. So work on the marriage, or lose everything.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (27 January 2010):
 First of all, you need to examine your relationship with your husband, it sounds like you and your husband are drifting apart and you need to reconnect again.
You are having an emotional affair with this guy at work, have you thought of the consequences of what would happen if both your husband and his wife found out?
You say you love your husband and your families, so back off from this guy and dedicate your energy to your marriage. I suggest a marraige counsellor to help you get your marriage back on track again.
I imagine your husband can feel that you are distant towards him, and he probably doesnt know why or what he has done, so this is where good communication comes into a relationship.
As far as friendship goes, well, personally I dont think it would work as you have both declared your feelings for each other. This will always be a threat to your marriage.
If you continue to persue your emotional affair with this guy it will eventually turn into a physical affair.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, heather108 +, writes (27 January 2010):
 Your husband is at somewhat of a disadvantage when being compared to your friend at work.
Everybody has good times and bad, days when they don't feel well, many days that they're just too tired to be charming and sociable, and a married couple will see all sides of their partner's personality, every day that goes by.
On the other hand, you can only see the charming side of your friend at work. To some extent because it's flattering and a boost to your ego, like flirting when you were in high school.
You've probably heard the saying, "The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence." That's because from a little distance away, you can't see the bull crap that's making it green.
Also, it's a dangerous game to play.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): YES, work through this. We have a situation at our office right now- where the two didn't work thought it. One divorce is final, the other will be long and ugly and he's ruined socially. His kids hate him, all of their freinds are siding with the jilted wife (I don't blame them). Both are ruined professionally, as they had to lie to Sr. leadership- who will never forget it. One's been transferred to another work group, where she could be found unsuitable and fired.
all in all 6 lives screwed up bad... no one is still together... attorneys will get half of everything.
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