A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok here's my problem. i've never really had a successful relationship with a woman. the reason is...the ones I've dated or known closely have gotten to be the most annoying, superficial. dishonest, and gossipy individuals I've ever met. i am beginning to think i just dont mix well with the female species.honestly, men are to me so much better. we sacrifice for our partners, we are honest, we know how to hold our tongue. we dont gossip and we think about more important things than shopping and clothes and reality tv. women dont appreciate much, and they always want more, more, more.i do not know why god made it so men have to deal with these creatures in order to get married.i know what you are thinking, like I am a dumb misogynist pig. but i am interested to know from women and from men if what i am saying is true or not, or whether its the women i have met or whether...it's just me.is it possible to ever have an honest, trusting, and mutually respectful relationship with these people? or is it always gonna be about me providing the money so they'll give up the honey? if that's the case, forget it, i'm no player and this isnt a fun game. i'll just stay with my dog.thanks.
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Where on earth are you trying to find women?! I agree, there are a lot of annoying women out there but as a bisexual woman I wouldent date or have friends like that. I also find that if you're going around bars and clubs looking for women, what kind of people do you expect to find there? Most i've found are ditzy and dull.
"honestly, men are to me so much better. we sacrifice for our partners, we are honest, we know how to hold our tongue. we dont gossip and we think about more important things than shopping and clothes and reality tv. women dont appreciate much, and they always want more, more, more." Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. It sounds like you re cooped up in a shell and you don't actually know people in the real world..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): You're looking for women in the wrong places. If you want women who are less superficial, more intellectual, more upright, then you need to look in settings that attract these kinds of individuals.
e.g. maybe you need to meet women who are academics or who are professionals like doctors and engineers and executives. Or, who are entrepreneurs and own and run small businesses. Or, who are involved with or run non-profits. Jobs with a lot of responsibility tend to attract people who are more serious-minded. where would you find such women? well, you could attend public lectures organized by the local colleges, join a bookclub, volunteer with the library or with non-profits, or even in your own professional association. No you don't go to these places and events with the same attitude as a singles bar! You go there to meet people and make new friends, and expand your social circle toward more of what feels comfortable for you, and from there you increase your chances that some of your friends in this sphere will be single females.
It could also be that you need to look for women who are religious or spiritual. Or, you need to look for women who are in the "caring" professions like nursing and teaching or working with the underprivileged or disabled. These are very difficult professions as they often create emotionally-draining situations so women who succeed in these professions tend to be emotionally stable, even-keeled, and mature.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I like your question. I have had a similar outlook until I have met the right one. I still think that most of them are the way you describe, but there are few gems out there worth keeping an eye out for. I have been married for eleven years now, and my wife has been an excellent partner in life. All the best searching (or not)! I almost forgot, try to get your hands on the movie Le chat by Pierre Granier-Deferre (1971). It's hard to find, but I know that you will love it. It's still my favorite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I am an American woman and pretty much have to agree with the OP. I see it all over the place. Television ( as someone had stated) all of those stupid reality shows. Such crap. Most of my girl friends are full of drama and are superficial... It's sad... It's hard to find a good woman or even man these days. I know turning gay isn't a choice but it's a pretty damn funny suggestion though! LOL!!
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 I think its only american women that are like that. the men aren't much better either. try dating someone from a different country
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (16 March 2012):
Well OP, like TasteofIndia already suggested, there's a very simple and easy solution to your issues with women: date men instead. Problem solved!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Well, I'm a man and I'm known for being unable to hold my tongue :-).
Seems you have had very bad experiences :-).
IAmHereToHelpYou, yes, "the scent is in the air".
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A
male
reader, cg4eu +, writes (15 March 2012):
No, it's not true.
It is true that women and men can differ greatly on how they perceive the world... but the individual is always different. Plenty of women exist not to how you negatively described (And conversely I know some real gossipy and catty men). It maybe tough but it's best to have a positive and unbias outlook towards these things. You might find things turn out better in relationships that way.
If not... you could always try men! (only joking of course, if it were only that easy)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): Not all women are like you described, how many of them have you dated? not even a hundred I bet, so it's unfair to judge the other 3.5 bi of our sex based on such limited experience, it's a fallacious conclusion. Have you ever thought that if YOU are the one attracting this kind of women, the problem may be with YOU? If you like men so much, date 'em.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Google the movie "My Fair Lady" Rex Harrison played Henry Higgins in the movie... it was based on the play Pygmalion
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Henry Higgins, the man from My Fair Lady and the play Pygmalion? He's incredibly sexist and classist. He takes in an uneducated poor woman and makes a bet that he can turn her into a high class lady. He believes her to be extremely inferior to him in every possible way and constantly says awful things to and about her thinking her too stupid to understand them. In the movie there's even a song called "Why Can't a Woman be More Like a Man."
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Who is Henry Higgins, and how is that related?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Hey you guys! Look who dropped in on DC! It's Henry Higgins!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 March 2012):
PS. I'll add this so you don't feel so alone and wont be the only person who is attacked.
I agree with you, based on a very non-statistical/scientific reason. I've watched reality shows from the USA. And absolutely all the women in the "bachelor" or "real housewives" or other reality shows are exactly like the women you describe. So, maybe it's an American thing. I know I'll get butchered for saying that. It is stereotyping. But there might be something to it. Try to date a foreigner and see if that helps.
(I know it's not politically correct, but I'm entitled to an opinion as well)
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 March 2012):
I believe you just need to find yourself a more grounded woman who isn't all up herself.
Search for different qualities than first impressions and clothes or appearance. Those who have a deeper personality and more essence to them tend to not be all sparkly and "boobs in your face"- sort of. If you know what I mean.
Women and men aren't that different, there are tons of self absorbed chatterboxes of the male species as well. But you haven't been dating those, so you wouldn't know.
Final answer: it's the women you've met. Keep looking. Go for different qualities than you have so far.
Find a woman who isn't all about bling and being a house wife. Find a woman who makes her own money and half of your worry will be out the window. I know it is possible to have good, solid, respectful relationships. I've seen them. I know they are out there.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Welcome to America, have fun with that can of worms.
I'll start with the obligatory: there are lots of bad men out there, too (women hardly have a monopoly on dishonesty and shallow wastes of money). And there are good women. There, now I can focus on your question.
For one thing, I get where you're coming from. It's easy to let frustration build up on this kind of issue. Heck, I was where you're at five or six years ago. Honest truth is that there is no good place to talk about this sort of thing (at least not that I've ever found). The bet you can do is vent online anonymously. When you have had almost uniformly negative experiences with women, and want to talk about it, you can expect women to immediately get upset and attack you for daring to think badly of them - which only reinforces the opinion. So much for the vaunted female compassion and empathy, right? You'd think one would say, "It's awful that you've had those experiences; let's talk about them and try to find a solution, or at least make you feel better." The usual reaction is more along the lines of, "How dare you say and think and feel such things? I don't care why you feel that way, obviously you're an evil pervert with a small penis and no one will ever love you if you think that way!" I think it was Gandhi who pointed out the foolishness of trying to use anger to teach love (I doubt he was the first, he's just the one that comes to mind now). For that matter, you even admit the possibility that it's just you - a good sign that you're trying to explain your experiences rather than just looking for an excuse to validate them.
Anyway, good women exist. I just think that, at least here in America (my experiences with foreign women have been different, and always better, but not numerous enough that I'm comfortable making generalizations beyond my own life), there is much less social force pushing women for accountability for their actions and words. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of (often conflicting) cultural pressure on women; I just think there is much more of a tendency to come down hard on the average man for being unreliable or for treating people like dirt. Most girls can get away with that sort of behavior, either because they're hot or because no one wants to deal with them when they're angry at being called out for their nonsense. Generally, only a small percentage of high-status, socially dominant men can get away with it - the average, decent guy is held to a higher standard (much like the very rich and powerful don't have to worry about the law as much as average folks, very attractive and sociable men can get away with more than the average guy). The capacity for goodness and depth is certainly there, though, and a lot of women do achieve that level of maturity. I've known a lot of women who I respect and admire, and even had the pleasure of dating a few of them.
If you've ever known any women who prefer to have male friends (there are lots of them), they probably feel the same way you do - though they may be slower to admit it if you ask them the wrong way. But that begs the question, if these women prefer to avoid other women for being shallow, mustn't some fraction of them have enough introspective capacity to avoid being shallow themselves? And if these women are not shallow, then mustn't other types of women exist who are not shallow, either?
Best solution I've found with women is to demand respect and be worthy of it. Don't let their nonsense affect you, and don't give in to it - but don't get upset either, just let it roll off your back. Double standards will never go away - I'm convinced some of them are hardwired into our genes. Don't expect women to act the same as men, or even be capable of it. Expect and reward feminine virtue.
Part of that means that you will have to put up with some crap - and you'll notice it more, because when a guy gives you crap, you can generally just stop dealing with him; when a woman gives you crap, walking away means no shot at sex. That's life. We're meant to complement one another, not mirror one another - meaning that you will always have to deal with their weaknesses, just as they will always have to deal with yours (and we menfolk aren't perfect; like I said, other men's nonsense just doesn't affect us as badly).
Lastly, going back to one of my first points, you can't use anger to teach love. It's entirely possible that your (entirely justified) feelings have been visible to women you've dealt with, and some of them have responded to it. You have to treat each woman you meet with an open mind, and give her a fair shot at showing she's a good and worthy person. If you do that, you will often be disappointed - but it's the only way to find the good ones. Trust me, they exist, and they're worth finding.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (15 March 2012):
 I bet many women would say steorotypes about men too, into; sports, gaming, cars etc. Not all women you meet will be like you described~ personally I hate reality TV and don't care much about shopping/clothes either. Many of my female friends share the same views as me too and aren't 'superficial', and are just happy with what they have. Likewise, my ex and my boyfriend aren't into the typical sterotypes for men either. Try looking in other places for females~ if you keep searching you will find a woman who isn't like you described. Or as TasteofIndia said, try dating a man? :)
Good luck ^_^
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): Ha, I'm sure you've very well opened up a can of worms (intense thread, yes). But I don't want to get into all that either. More to be directed to helping you find a solution, I suggest that you look to yourself. It's true that we as people tend to fall into patterns. And you may be falling into a pattern over and over and over again if you keep meeting the same type of women in life. In short (and not to be rude) you may be the common denominator in these relationships. For example, I know for a while I was meeting guys who didn't really have anything going in their life. Then I found out why. It's because I had a habit of wanting to "help" people and my heart went out to these types. Well it's hard to break habits, but once you're aware, it makes it easy to stay away from people who aren't good for you. I suggest doing a similar analysis for yourself. Why is it you are meeting women who seem only interested in your money and will lie, gossip, and be superficial? It's probably the way you are presenting yourself and what you are primarily valuing as a trait when you first meet these women. I can't say much else without actually knowing you, so good luck!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Oh brother. You've just started what I suspect will be a very intense thread.
And I'm sure all the other Aunts and Uncles will speak for me. I don't really feel like getting into it with you.
But, it seems obvious to me - why not give dating men a try? You clearly find them much more fulfilling, honest and to be better partners, and there are plenty of wonderful available men out there. Maybe you will find happiness with a male partner, since you can't stand females.
Just a thought...
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