A
male
age
36-40,
*lex1986
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 years now. Since the beginning she's always been hard to deal with when a disagreement arises, and she always refuses to compromise. It seems to me that she blames every fight on a failure on my part. Most recently, I planned to go out on my birthday with some friends, and I told her a week or so in advance. I asked her if she wanted to come, or if not, if she had anything planned. She said she had nothing planned, and she didn't want to come with. My birthday rolls around, and a couple days before, she tells me she's going to get a cake for my birthday. I remind her I'm going to be out that day, and she has a fit, giving me silent treatments and refusing to schedule a day we can spend together. This silent treatment extends through the birthday, and I ended up apologizing to her. When she did speak to me a few times during the day, it was snide and sarcastic, hinting that I "Don't care about her."This wasn't the first time something like this has happened. In fact, it happens every time we arrive at a subject we don't agree on, and she refuses to compromise. I don't know whats worse, that I eventually give up and apologize, or that she apologizes for her part.I tried to talk to her about compromising, and she gave me an ultimatum "Maybe I'll just stop caring about anything you do. Then you can go out whenever you want."How can I make her realize how unfair that is? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (18 November 2010):
 If you gave her advanced notice. Invited her. And she turned you down. You are covered. She is out of line. Remind her again she 1) is welcome to come, 2) you don't to breakup over this, and 3) ignore her threats. If she walks out do not contact her. When she contacts you next: demand an apology for her immaturity and unfairness.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 "How can I make her realize how unfair that is?"
You can't whilst you keep apologizing for things that are not your fault... if at all. I know you think you're simply minimizing the fall out, silent treatment, arguments, sarcasm etc. but what you're doing is losing self respect and she's losing respect for you every time you do it.
Be a man and stand up for yourself!!
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Stop apologizing to her, unless of course, you are actually in the wrong. You are letting her control you emotionally. She needs to compromise and if not, then find someone new. I realize six years is a long time, but do you really want to deal with this for another six years? I don't think she is going to change, I mean, it has been six years.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (18 November 2010):
Ampersand has it right. In these 6 years, she keeps getting her way and you keep letting her. The only way things are going to change are if you make her see that she can't keep pushing you around and getting her way.
So the next time something happens where she's going, it's my way or nothing, you need to tell her, calmly, that she's behaving like a child, that the 2 of you need to talk about this and discuss ways to compromise, and that she can come find you when she's ready for that. And then leave and go about your life, and either she will come to her senses, or she won't. If she won't, you have to make a choice between always being stepped on or finding someone who can compromise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Stop apologizing to her and leave her. Give her a taste of what life is like without her "doormat." She is not treating you fairly. She wants things her way or the highway. So show her off to the highway.
You are not being unreasonable. She's just acting like a child in her terrible two's. Don't put up with it. It's your birthday, that is YOUR day. And even so she wants to do what SHE wants on your birthday. I mean c'mon! This girl's not that nice, sorry.
Tell her straight up how you feel, you don't like the way she's treating you and you need time. If she puts up a fight (which she probably will) just agree with everything she says, just be like "yea, yea u-huh" and then be like "well I gotta go. Bye" And then turn off your phone so she can't hound you. Give it some time, a week. Let her call you. And talk to her only if she realises how selfish she has been. If not, you are just going to go back to the same BS as always.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Seems like you are dating a 3 year old.
I can't see WHY you had to apologize for going out with friends on your B-day... unless she had a surprise party planned or something like that.
Also I can't see why the two of you couldn't celebrate your B-day the next day with cake or whatnot.
Seems to me like it's her way or the high way, now which way do you want to go?
Don't expect her to suddenly change, because YOU want her to, I assume she was always this unyielding?
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