A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right, I dont really know how to put this simply..Basically my girlfriend of 18 months, has only slept with 2 guys other than myself, and both have been bad experiences, Partially down to naivety/vulnerability, and them also being complete asses. The problem is, sometimes I randomly start thinking about it. I have no idea why, but when I do i get a sudden feeling of anger that I cant get rid of, until I can get my mind off it.The first guy she slept with, she caught chlamydia. She was completely unprotected, no pill, no condom or anything but she was kind of pressured into it. I sometimes think to myself how stupid could she have been, and how much of an ass that guy was, but she told me she was pressured into it.Either way, everytime this pops into my head I feel angry, even though I feel like I actually have no right to. I have stupid thoughts about the fact she could of got pregnant or anything, but I dont understand why I get so angry, especially when its well in the past?Surely this shouldnt even phase me? Can anyone recommend a way I can get over this, because it's really starting to bug me, I just dont know whether the anger is directed at her, or just the guys that took advantage of her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Her being pressured into sleeping with the wrong person carries all the same risks and consequences as if she merrily did it on purpose. So it causes the same negative reaction from other partners.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Its in her past. So let it stay there. I understand about you being angry because they took advantage of her, but there isn't really anything you can do as it is in the past. I think you should check out the article that Honeypie posted a link to.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, always ready to listen +, writes (18 November 2010):
the reason you are feeling angry is because you care but you have to get around that by changing the way you view the previous situation.
understand that we all make mistakes to a varying degree and that is a lesson learnt you now have the ability to make sure that you make good what went wrong by being gentle kind and understanding.
don't worry about the past just make her your future and enjoy and nuture the time you have together it sounds really good that you care so much so now show her the right way through your kindness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): I think your anger comes from fear of having deep feelings for a person who has gotten into sticky situations in the past and as much as you love her you question and are weary of her naivety/vulnerability. It is eating you up that she could "let herself" be taken advantage of like that. Makes you question her character, her strength, her intelligence. But you love her. You are not supposed to question these things. You are supposed to admire her for these qualities. And yet, you are having a hard time doing so because of her past.
It is understandable. I think to resolve your fears you must talk with her to set your mind at ease. Has she learned from these experiences? Is she a stronger person now? You want her to assure you that this is in fact in the past and that she is no longer a doormat, no longer naive, no longer so vulnerable that she could let history repeat itself. I think not knowing the answers to these questions is what is eating you up.
So calmly let her know how you feel and see what she has to say. To your surprise, she might put all your fears to rest.
I want to add one more thing in her defense. EVERYBODY has a past, everybody has been naive, vulnerable and been taken advantage of at some point in their lives. You live and learn. So don't forget that. With that said, you have insecurities that need to be put to rest so, like I said, talk with her and hopefully she will be able to make you feel better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Yes sir I feel you here. I sent my gf's "random" death threats cause of i felt he used her. That anger was very very bad and caused me massive amounts of stress and for what? I actually started counseling cause I couldnt control my thoughts. I got over it and fast...but I split with her anyhow and not for said such reason. try to focus on the big picture i e she is with you now and those tools lead her to you...the bright spot, the smart guy, the man lol. Those idiots are nothin man dun worry about them. Im sorry for her rough experiences. i think your anger is drected towards them not her, however that still doesnt make it right cause if u dont let go...u could end up like me and like how I was and Im not a guy to snap over just any shit...this was serious to me cause i was so in love with this girl. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Well, honestly the anger won't do you any good. Won't do her any good either.
So she was naive/stupid in the past, she is with you now, so it's time for YOU and HER to let the past be the past.
Maybe this article can give you some ideas:
http://growingselfesteem.com/blog/self-confidence/the-best-ways-to-control-jealousy/
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