| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I wish I could find an older woman who doesn't say I am too young to have sex with her. I am 21 by the way. I have been attracted to older woman. We go out on dates and do fun things. When the sex thing comes up they always say I am too young to have sex. Ladies do you have any advice for me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (19 October 2010):
What do you mean by "older"? Mid-20's, or old enough to be your mother?
"CindyCares" has a good point: Are you looking for a one-time thing, mostly to try it out and say that you've done it, or do you have some other goals in mind?
Have you had sexual relationships with younger women? What do you imagine would be different with older women?
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Thumbs up, Cindy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I disagree with Ven about the "innocent and insecure " part. Many 21 y.o. nowadays are slick young devils that could pull your socks off without taking your shoes off first.
I think the problem is :
- either they are looking for a relationship, or at least a fling with some sort of duration and consistency, and you don't fit the bill for that
- or ,they are up for something totally casual, but they want to be desired because they are they ,not because they are "older ". You give the impression you say " I want to have sex with an older woman " like another could say " I want to have sex with an one-legged woman " : ANY will do, as long it fulfills your fetish.
Which may very well be your case, but it's not very flattering for the woman.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Older women generally do not like to be reminded that they are older. Stop mentioning it, go on dates, get to know the woman and if you and she have made a connection, then things will happen naturally.
And Danielepew makes an excellent point. No one likes to be used, so if the woman is getting that idea, perhaps you are a bit too overeager on the sex part and not eager enough on the getting to know her part. Give it time. Several dates at least.
And the most important thing to remember: older women as a rule do not like to be reminded that they are older. So it's a bad idea to bring it up, over and over again. Just be a man, not a youngster trying to land an older woman.
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (19 October 2010):
I'm not a lady, but logically I think your best bet would be to portray yourself as over confident. They are looking at you as a child, innocent and insecure, unlearned in more mature aspects of relationships. When they see anything that reinforces that stereotype, they are going to shut you down.
You have to act like a high level player. You need to be calm and collected, and make them think they aren't the first experienced woman you've ever gotten serious with. They need to see you as an equal or else they will feel like pedophiles.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 October 2010):
I have the hunch you posted before.
I don't know about the ladies, but I do have some advice: don't do this. And I don't mean dating older women.
Women read men much, much faster than we like to think. Since they are older, and wiser, they know that you want to sleep with them. And they don't. There must have been one who sort of, kind of, wanted to, but didn't. The reason may be that they resent a situation where they are going to be used. It does not appeal to them.
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