A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'll try keeping this as simple as I can.Arranged marriage makes no sense to me. They're just selfish egomaniac contracts between two families and the woman and the man. I don't want this.Love is very scary for me, for it may bring heartbreak. And I don't know how to find it too. And I'm scared that I'm growing too old now. But I want love.However, a love marriage isn't acceptable to my family - it's all societal brainwashing. My family is pretty much simple but dumb - they won't have anything to do with something that involves a change in their views on love marriages. They're still stuck in the India of 1970s, even 1990s. The current generation of Indians are nothing like that - globalization has changed everything. My Parents don't understand that.I'm currently 29 and in the US, and I've never had a girlfriend. I really don't know how to get one. I don't know how to strike up a conversation. I don't drink and don't go to bars. I have no good friends either, since I'm mostly at work or in karate class all the time. How do I make friends? And how in the world do I find my soulmate? :(Please help! Please give me specific pointers.. I really really will not drink come what may - I've seen families being destroyed by it and I hate alcohol and smoking too. So please give me pointers on where I can find good intellectual kind women, and where I don't have to drink or run into people who drink!The library?? I just remembered the library.. is that a good place??Please advise! Thanks a lot!Regards,
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at work, never had a girlfriend, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Batterytea  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Hm...? I don't really understand your question.
You went on about how you dislike arranged marriages, but you never once said that you were in that situation. So...are you? Because otherwise the first few paragraphs concerning arranged marriages were a bit misleading.
Please clarify, and I'll be glad to help!
A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (12 June 2011):
 The library sounds like a good place. The problem is that you seem to be rushing into finding a "soul mate". Slow down and concentrate on your life. You said that you don't have very good friends. Concentrate on finding good friends. You say you do karate....well how about finding friends who also practice this? Get to know the people surrounding you and don't be shy to ask girls on dates. Worst case they will say no. You move on and ask the next girl. :)As for your parents only you know how to handle them. Try explaining that you are not interested in arranged marriage and you rather find your own partner.Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, iiSparkle  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Hello, I guess it's not just your family who seem to uphold these traditional views on marriage and so forth. There are a lot of families where more conservative traditional views on marriage are held, with their views on how one must live one's life.With traditional parents it's hard to change their views on how they perceive things should be done, it's what their parents taught them and they are simply carrying this on. I understand that coming from a Indian family it's tough, you pretty much need to please everyone, not just your parents but the rest of the Indian society too. As for finding love goes, I guess it finds you. If you want a relationship then get involved with work collegues, go out with them ect. Other activities or so may include; going to the library, checking out local community events ect. If that doesn't work; why not try online dating, it won't seem that scary, and you might just find someone whom you connect with. As for putting yourself out there: 1. Make sure you have a good image- you're neat and presentable ect2. Be yourself, don't be someone that you're not3. Be respectable to the ladies: don't come across as being pushy ect4. Talk about hobbies ectPretty much the basics. Good luck :)
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