Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Sex with one's cousin may be permissible in some society and in some other society it may not. If your cousin says 'no' to sex, you should not force her.
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male
reader, Main Man  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 You should tell your cousin why you would to have sex with her. If it's a fantasy she might make it come true. If says no then move on and find a grilfriend of your own. If this fantasy having sex with a female member of your continues ask either your mother or sister to help you.
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male
reader, askJAY  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 hmmm...if she says no, then no means no...i don't care what country or culture you are from, but NO means NO. understand that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Muslims do marry their mom's sister's children.
Mr.decent 1 I suggest that you stop thinking from the cousin angle.Jaan is a muslim name.The poster's English is not that good.Most of us Indians are not blessed enough to have a convent Education.So give the benefit of the doubt about what he meant by cousin sister.
According to me,the poster is some one who wants to have sex with his cousin.Irrerspective of whether the relationship is approved in our culture or not,a NO from a girl means a NO.
He is trying to seduce her??What a joke?More likely he is trying to rape the girl.Then later on he is going to give the excuse of "She asked for it".In Indian society,the girl will be blamed.He gets away Scot-free.The girl's life becomes hell.
I applaud the girl.I am worried about how old is she really.I am worried about a guy of 26-29 trying to force himself on her.I am worried about the psychological effect of it on her.A guy of 26-29 may be married as well.I am worried about his wife/girl friend who don't know his true colors.
In India friendship is considered sacred.I have explained it to my friends.They have understood it as well.I don't take advantage of friendships.
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male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 To Bugs.. !! Make it simple for them :
In your village do u call your cousins, "Brothers" ...? No.. You don't.. !! They are cousins whom you can marry and are NOT considered Cousin Brother or Sister.. !! Rather Just a Cousin.. !!
The Poster says "Cousin Sister" .. Understand for God's sake. !! PLEASE.. !!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I get it.. your thing is more difficult than normal.. It's not just first and second cousins (any brother or sisters child). It also depends on the gender of the family relationship as well... your rules are sure complicated but I think I know understand it all.
Anyway, as you say, she doesn't want to have sex, no matter which side the family this guy belongs to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I've got the Sims game, I'm gonna make some little computer characters and put them in a family and then maybe I'll understand...
Dose anyone remember that Danny Kaye film with the pewter(cup) in the purple that was positively poision, but the pewter in the blue had the brew that was true.. I feel like I watching it all again... (sigh)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Ah Bugs, glad your back, as you can see these guys were confusing me... now your a woman I can understand....
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (16 December 2008):
 Hey Bugs, you're back! We've missed you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I am more confused than ever.
I am from a small south Indian village.
I am not that good in English.
I will try my level best to explain.
In my village I can marry my father's sister's son or my mother's brother's son.
Are they first cousins for me?
I cannot marry my father's brother's son or mother's sister's son.That's taboo and frowned on.In our Indian English my mother's sister's son or my father's brother's son is my cousin brother.
I think the fact that the poster wants sex with a girl who is unwilling is more of an issue than marriage with cousins.Marriage amongst cousins is very common at least in South India.
To the poster:
If you have sex with a girl with out her consent,it is considered RAPE.I hope she takes you to her parents.Please leave her alone.I am just wondering how old is she?
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (16 December 2008):
Uncle phil.. I respect your opinion and your post.. I know you're far more experienced than me..
But what you've quoted is exactly what i said.. CROSS COUSIN MARRIAGE.. I told you the son and daughter is married in the same family. And then their children i.e children of brother and sister in different families are married.. Get the point.? Thanks..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): You guys keep on quoting the same difficult stuff, that I already don't understand. For simplicity, I'm going with the understanding that as far as I'm concerned First Cousins do not marry in India. This is all over my head.... I wish somebody could break this article down and translate it into simple language so that I can understand.... GRRRRRRR
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): It depends upon which part of the website you select:
Quote
"In South India, in sharp contrast, marriages are preferred between cousins (especially cross-cousins, that is, the children of a brother and sister) and even between uncles and nieces (especially a man and his elder sister's daughter). The principle involved is that of return--the family that gives a daughter expects one in return, if not now, then in the next generation. The effect of such marriages is to bind people together in relatively small, tight-knit kin groups. A bride moves to her in-laws' home--the home of her grandmother or aunt--and is often comfortable among these familiar faces. Her husband may well be the cousin she has known all her life that she would marry."
So it would appear that cousin marriage is not banned in all India, as you seem to think.
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (16 December 2008):
Wow,
Uncle Phil, The website given by you only "Strengthens" my Point.. Are you helping my view or are u against it..?
From the Website :
"
Broadly, in the Indo-Aryan-speaking north, a family seeks marriage alliances with people to whom it is not already linked by ties of blood. Marriage arrangements often involve looking far afield. In the Dravidian-speaking south, a family seeks to strengthen existing kin ties through marriage, preferably with blood relatives. Kinship terminology reflects this basic pattern. In the north, every kinship term clearly indicates whether the person referred to is a blood relation or an affinal relation; all blood relatives are forbidden as marriage mates to a person or a person's children. In the south, there is no clear-cut distinction between the family of birth and the family of marriage. Because marriage in the south commonly involves a continuing exchange of daughters among a few families, for the married couple all relatives are ultimately blood kin. Dravidian terminology stresses the principle of relative age: all relatives are arranged according to whether they are older or younger than each other without reference to generation. "
^^^ In North "It is Banned" and in South what people do is that they marry their Son and daughter in the same family.. Okay..? Now their children would be cousins..? But they continue this tradition from family to family... So, it would seem like cousin marriage.. !! But "ITS NOT" as they never consider them as Brother or Sisters.. !!!
Hope u understand this time and I wonder why people are trying to tell an Indian what the Indian rules are.. !! LOL
G'day
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Yep, that was one of the articles that I read Uncle Phil, amongst others, but I really couldn't make head or tail of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I don't particularly want to get into an argument about it, but the 'clarification' is wrong. It's rather lengthy but here's a detailed breakdown of it all:
http://countrystudies.us/india/86.htm
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Thank you Decent for the clarification. I did try to look it up but it was confusing for me. I now understand that it is illegal to marry/have sex with your first cousin, thank you for providing a clarification about the law in your country.
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male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (16 December 2008):
"Uncle Phil" and "DiovanLestat", I would like to mention that there is a "Difference" between a "Cousin" and a "Cousin Sister"... at least here in India there is !!!"NOBODY" in East West North or South of this Country Marry their "Cousin Sister". To throw more light on the difference between Cousin and Cousin Sister... My uncle's Baby Girl = Cousin Sister !!My uncle's, brother's , wife's grand daughter = Cousin !!It's more like "First cousin" "Second cousin" and stuff. We "Cannot" marry our first cousin!! And we don't really consider a Third cousin a cousin at all, we call it "being in relation" G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): A decent 1, I'm not very familiar with Indian customs and law, but I believe it is common for cousins in the South of India to marry and have sex. Therefore unless the law forbids it, I don't believe that relationships between cousins are illegal in your country.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): You are not a good guy. You are from India, but you don't mention love or marriage, you just want this girl for sex. She is a decent girl, she has respect for herself. She doesn't want to have sex with you, so please leave her alone...
If your family knew what you were doing, they would be very ashamed of you.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 What is to be confused about? "No" - it is pretty clear cut.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Take no for her final answer and never ever think she means yes and dont bring it up again find someone else prefereably not someone related to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): ....and to you, Jaan, is not your cousin's sister also your cousin?
No means no, and you have to respect that. How about your cousin's sister's sister? Would she be interested?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): I can't believe that an Indian 'Uncle' - who goes by the name of 'a decent 1' believes this is incest! Three quarters of Indians marry their cousins for Chrissakes! In Pakistan the ratio is much higher, and cousin marriages there are preferable to marrying an outsider.
The only country in the western world that considers cousin relationships to be incestuous is the USA, and even then it's only in a few states! Do your research sonny boy. You're talking crap.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Take no for an answer :-).
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female
reader, Landie +, writes (15 December 2008):
 I agree with everybody no means no.
Leave her alone.
And why are you trying to have sex with her if she your cousin?
Stop just thinking about the sex and think about what could happen after you have sex and respect her wishes
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 December 2008):
Why are you confused? She's not interested and told you so. Suck it up and move on.
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male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (15 December 2008):
I am ashamed to know that you are an Indian.. !! This is Incest and "NO RELIGION" allows that.. !! Moreover she is saying NO. So "Leave her alone" . Be a MAN and find yourself a girl "out of the family"
G'day
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A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (15 December 2008):
 I agree with boredatwork... She said no, so there's really nothing you can do.
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male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (15 December 2008):
 When will people learn that no means NO...
Shes not interested go for someone that is!
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