A
male
age
41-50,
*ala
writes:I married and find myself to be unhappy and as more time go by, I seem to feel colder and colder inside. I love my wife but find myself not to be in love with her. We've been married for little over a year now and have a beautiful daughter about four months old right now. I was at an emotional rock bottom when me and my wife got together, I was so lonely and depressed that when I finally found someone who loved me more than and one else had ever, I married her. The problem is although I cared for her deeply I was not in love with her. I beleived that her love for me was good enough, but now I not sure that's enough anymore. My marriage is a good one. I treat my wife really good and I love my daughter. Its just I seem just be going through the motion with my wife and find it harder and harder to tell her I love her. I know marriage is a serious thing but the more and more time that goes by, I getting more and more depressed although I'm hiding it and acting normal. What do I do. I talked to her about my feeling and how I feel and she tells me she loves me so much. I don't want to hurt her but I'm living a lie. The reason I'm still in this relationship is because of my beautiful daughter and that I don't want to her my wife. What do I do, what advice can you give me. I went into this marriage beleiving it would last but find myself being more and more unhappy as time goes by. Please Help Me...
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 I think you are doing the right thing by telling her how you feel. If you've told her you're not in love with her, then she knows that it's not working for you. Now go to her and ask her what she thinks you both should do, hopefully she will suggest counseling and you cwill get her buy in. I suggest to help her come to the same place you are emotionally and mentally on this issue that you both see a counselor. You may find out through counseling that you can make this work whether you both stay together or you split up. You want to be there for your daughter, but you are stuck emotionally. Get unstuck. You're doing the best thing possible by communicating your emotions without being whiney or bitchy. I applaud you as a man, "a real man".
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (10 August 2007):
You didn't marry in love,but then most of us men do just that, and that love comes along much later on in our relationships, if it comes along at all. In your case,as I see it, love for you just didn't come along, sad to say.You both could stay together in commitment, but that would be a loveless marriage. And you both know how that feels right now. The filling of physical needs alone just won't cut it,without the emotional needs as well. Yes, Counciling might be helpful, but I don't see that it will give either of you what is really lacking in your marriage, "LOVE". A trial separation could be helpful to see if your marriage can be saved, but no violation of your marital vows during that seperation. Sometimes us men really love a woman, but we don't quite understand what love really is, until we lose that woman in death or we chase her out of our lives. So, please, be sure you know what you are doing, before you end up saying, "I Loved her but I was too much of a fool to see that,and now she's gone. How do I get her back"?
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 Boy have I been in that situation! But you are really in a much tougher spot than I was because you have a child, I did not. Have you considered counseling? Try it for awhile and see if it helps in any way. You may grow to love this woman more than you think. But if not and you continue to feel the same way, you should try a trial separation and see if your feelings change. Maybe after you've moved out for awhile, you'll truly miss her company and realize it's where you belong. Single life can be lonely at times so you really want to make sure this is what you want. But don't live a lie. Not even for the sake of the child.
...............................
A
female
reader, GoddamnedROCKSTAR +, writes (10 August 2007):
 I know this is going to hurt to hear, and I'm very sorry to have to say it, but if you're that unhappy and have to fake the relationship, then you shouldn't be in it. And you can get custody or visitation of your daughter. I understand that you don't want to hurt your wife, but you can remain close to her. What would hurt you more, being left, or being lied to?
...............................
|
