A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, me and my bf had been together for 4 years and he's so good to me. We are 23.Problem is, sometimes I feel down when seeing him talking and acting like a girl. When he's talking, he often uses the voice like how a girl laugh. Oh I don't know how to describe it, but its so different from other man and my ex bf. it makes me down. All I want is to change him to become a man, he's just like this when he met his friends and me. He's doing this automatically. His friends often make fool of him and it hurt me seeing him like this.How can I change him to be more 'man'?I've told him about this before but he just doesn't get it and it cause a break in our relationship. I know he want to change, but we just don't know how to start and what to change from. Any ideas or anyone ever experienced this? Please helppp....:(
View related questions:
a break, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): it's very UNLOVING to try to change your partner to be what you want. If you try you will be hurting his feelings immensely because it's a slap in the face to him. If you try to be more subtle and less direct to spare his feelings yet are still trying to change him then that's being manipulative and controlling too.bottom line is - his mannerisms are part of WHO HE IS. either you accept him for who he is, or you should leave him and find someone more compatible, and allow him to find someone he is compatible with and who won't be trying to change him. The fact that you are very bothered by the way he acts and talks and laughs, shows that you are incompatible.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Is it actually his voice when he talks or laughs or is it a habit because its hard to know without me actually knowing him but if it isn't a habit and its just him then thats him and you either accept him as he is or move on . But if its a bad habit that he has got into that he wants to change himself then if he is aware then this will help him stop.Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 You don't.
He is who he is and you shouldn't date him in hopes that you can make him into the "perfect man".
What you are hoping to do is ridiculous. It's like a guy dating a girl telling her she needs to dye her hair red and get triple E implants or he can't love her.
Either love him for WHO he is or find yourself a new man.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2013):
 The key to being happy with a partner is to accept and love them where they are. You cannot change someone to be something you want… if you can’t accept and love them where they are, then you have to decide if you want to stay where you are not truly happy.
If you find his manner effeminate and you think him not masculine you need to consider ending the relationship. I know you will say “oh this is not worth ending the relationship over” but the truth is that this small annoyance if you can’t get over it and accept him exactly how he is, will fester and grow over the years and eventually you will blow up at him for something else (and it will not really make sense to either of you) but it will all stem from this lack of respect you have for him as the person he is now.
YOU can’t change him and if it’s inherent in his personality and make up to be the way he is, it’s doubtful he can make any permanent changes himself anyway. How he speaks and laughs is what it is.
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (4 February 2013):
 I wouldnt change Im not changing. Accept people how they are. If all fails find someone that fits the bill completely without change. You dont like him cause you wouldnt want to change him if so. I could see if you wanted to change drug habit smoking or something like that. Genetic code is unchangable in humans unless there lab rats. I know change is hard most of the time impossible also.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (4 February 2013):
 It's not possible to change someone's personality, so stop trying.
Accept him and love him warts and all, or leave him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Quite obviously you are willing to accept him the way he is. You have been in the relationship for 4 years, and discussing the problem on DC for 2 years. He hasn't changed, and you haven't left him. You are unwilling to risk losing him. You have accepted his behavior as the cost of keeping him in your life. Why should he change, which he shows no sign of doing, when you already have changed to accept him. J
...............................
A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (4 February 2013):
Hnoestly I think your being unfair changing him. He's good to you but you wan't him to be more of a "man". How would you like it if he said he wanted you to be more of a woman by having bigger breasts and an hourglass figure? Wouldn't you be insulted? He has been doing this "laugh" his whole life it's something that won't change, it's who he is. If he is so good to you why is this one thing the make or break in this relationship. Iv'e been told I laugh like the joker or a psycho, if my gf told me to change honestly I'd say f*** off. He sounds like a "nice guys" so he prob won't. I think you should let this one go, everyone has flaws and if that is the only thing that bothers you then A) it's a pretty good relationship and
B) your being way to picky.
...............................
A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (4 February 2013):
 Okay, listen carefully: you are seriously harming this man. I don't know what to say really. I mean, I could explain to you all the various things that are wrong with what you said in your post, but that would be redundant.If you think the way you think, it'll take way more than some agony aunts on the internet to fix you. I can't even...*sigh* You can't change him, you shouldn't change him and he shouldn't be trying to.
...............................
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (4 February 2013):
 I was thinking that if you 'changed' him and made him more manly, you might lose the man you fell in love with. He might not be so sweet or caring because it would mess with his newly found macho image. If he's always been this way, why is it starting to bother you now? Do his friends make fun of him in an affectionate way or are they actually being cruel to him? Do you actually really really really want to change him? Will this behaviour (which he has shown ever since you met him) really be enough to break your relationship?
...............................
|
