A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm 16 and 5 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend is 17. Just hear me out okay (:Although my boyfriend of 19 months and I had talked about having kids, our baby was not planned. We weren't careful at all with protection and so inevitably, I fell pregnant. My boyfriends parents are very religious (Jehovahs Witness.) His mom especially didn't even allow him to have girlfriends and so I was just a friend to his parents until a year into our relationship. At first his mom was really upset when we finally told her and wanted nothing to do with me (his mother and I were quite close beforehand) but soon she warmed up to the idea and was quite happy to have me around again. About two weeks before I got pregnant she sat me down and had a big chat to me about using protection and being careful. I agreed and promised to be careful. Two weeks later my period was late and after taking a test I found out I was pregnant. The first thing I did was run to my boyfriends house and tell him. He completly broke down and told me there was no way we could have it coz of his mom. I was of corse upset and tried to persuade him we could do it but he was adament there was no way. Now I'm stuck because I want this baby so much and I know we can do it, but he wants me to abort it. What should I do? Any advice would be awesome, I'm willing to listen to anything. (: x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): hey my name is racheal and i know you love your boyfriend but i think that the answer is how much do you want it. look do not think about your bf this is just as much your baby as his im sixteen myself and ive been with my boyfriend for three months and his parents are very protective just like mine and if i got pregnant and they knew they would flip out...but i would keep it just considering no matter what you would go through with your bf your parents his parents they will all eventually come around and even though he may not want to admit it he loves that baby just as much as you... just also think if you abort can you live everyday knowing that you had a person inside you that you love and want and then you just threw it all away. well thats just my advice to you i hope it helps
A
female
reader, Christine Drake  +, writes (18 August 2010):
If adoption might be a possibility for you, my husband and I want to adopt a child and enter into an open adoption relationship with a birthmom. Please see our website at www.candm-adopt.com to learn more about us. We wish you the best with your tough decision.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): hi im 22 and when i found out i was pregant i was so happy but when i told my boyfriend the 1st thing he said to me was you have to have an abortion if i dont he will leave me and have nothing to do with the baby if i could turn the time back to that day i would i regret what i done from when i woke up from op and never wanted to do it i was 12 weeks and i felt love for that baby but i did want my boyfrind wanted me to and if i was you think hard as i have to live with regret till i die i will never forgive myself for want i have done i cant tell you want to do but please think hard as i would do ne thing to get my baby back i think about it every min of everyday good luck x
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female
reader, Anishinaabe +, writes (3 June 2010):
 If you are not ready for the baby give it up for adoption I would go for open adoption so you can see him/her but if you get a abortion you would be hurting the child that lives inside you he or she needs you so nobody can hurt them they need someone to love.
And my friend is 15 and she is having twins a boy and a girl she is happy her family is helping her boyfriend is by her side. Hope you the best and hope to hear from you soon.
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female
reader, Anishinaabe +, writes (3 June 2010):
I would keep it because its not the unborn childs fault.
Also it seems like you would be a good parent and all my family or most of them had children when they were 14-19 and all of them did a good job about it my mama raised my older sister irght and my mama had her at 16. So I hope you the best and if your boyfriend wants you to not keep it dont listen to him.
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female
reader, Anishinaabe +, writes (3 June 2010):
I would keep it because its not the unborn childs fault.
Also it seems like you would be a good parent and all my family or most of them had children when they were 14-19 and all of them did a good job about it my mama raised my older sister irght and my mama had her at 16. So I hope you the best and if your boyfriend wants you to not keep it dont listen to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): I sounds as if your boyfriend's mum is more level headed than perhaps you are giving her credit for. She did accept you as her son's girlfriend, after all. Perhaps you could enlist her help to talk to her son. If you have this baby aborted - and remembering you want to have your baby - you are most likely to become very angry later on if you let him talk you into having an abortion. He's young and sounds as if he hasn't had time to think it through either. Boyfriends come and go. Babies, your own flesh and blood, are with you forever. And the love between a child and its mother lasts forever too. The love he can feel for his own flesh and blood can become real to him too. Please don't make any hasty decisions. Be strong. I know you are young, but you may get more help from all the grandparents. Don't go against your own wishes.
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female
reader, Annkp  +, writes (30 March 2010):
I say wait awhile live life u r 16 get some friends get a decent job go out enjoy life then think about having children. Get rid of the baby which is easier said then done but its not the right time trust me. You will be even more selfish if u were to keep the baby
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Thank you, twistedelm. It is hard to try and explain myself to people who believe I am not going to be able to do it. You pretty much summed up how I feel (:.
In response to the anon poster: Okay. So right now I don't have a good enough job to support a baby, and realistically however hard I try it is going to still be very hard to make ends meet. I understand exactly what you are saying and 99% of it I completly agree with. I was careless with contraception, the choice was completly mine and my boyfriends. Therefore, this baby is my doing, be it planned or not, therefore I am not going to expect anyone else to be forking out the money to raise my child. Believe it or not I understand the amount of time, money and effort goes into raising and having a child. It is hard to tell you as you don't know me personally but I am not a scavenging person. I have not been brought up like that. I know this baby is my "fault" for want of a better word, therefore I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I am the one taking care of it finacially, not anyone else. I have seen alot of teenage girls immediatly decide as soon as they get pregnant that they are going to go on some kind of unemployment benefit. To me I feel proud of myself that Im not going to take every other tax payers money and that I am actully trying to plan a way that I can help myself. Sure, it may be harder and I will have to sacrifice alot of things, which I have already thought about and is not even the slightest problem for me, but my son or daughter is worth it don't you think? There are tens of thousands of teenage girls out there pregnant or with a child, all from different backgrounds and in different situations, and while it may be hard, they still chose to have the baby and they are doing okay. Why should my baby have to die when they are a hard example that it can be done?
On that note, does anybody have any easy ways to tell my boyfriend I want to keep my baby? He has slight anger issues and has been known to use suicide to get his way. In saying that he is not a bad person, I just realised how horrible that made him sound :S but yea again any advice would be very helpful. (: Thanks again for all your advice and answers (:
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male
reader, twistedelm +, writes (29 March 2010):
Hello. I feel this young woman is trying and planing for her future-thats something good. It might not happen like she imagines but at least she doesnt sound immature. Maybe the boyfriend isnt as strong in character as she thinks he is suggesting *to abort*..If she wants the baby then thats the way it should be. Many young people get a bad rap if they get into a situation like this but I feel this one might make it. Best of Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): But how will you support the baby by NOT scavenging off everyone else, be it family or the state? You say you are going to go back to school, then presumably you will want to go home and spend some time with your baby, and you will have homework to do. Where exactly are you even going to find the time to earn money, let alone having very little earning power combined with this. It just gets to me how unrealistic people are about this basic fact, which, ok, is not nice to consider but is actually an extremely important aspect of choosing to have a baby. Really, where do you think the money is going to come from? Seven or eight months of planning isn't going to suddenly get you headhunted for a well paying job, or give you more than 24 hours in the day. You are too smart to really think that a load of planning is going to make much difference, come on. Having money is an unsavoury reality of being able to bring up a child properly, and it is people like me who pay my taxes that end up having to foot the bill for people like you who can't be bothered to use contraception properly.
My fiance and I are planning for a family in a couple of years when we are properly financially secure. We want to have enough savings and paid off enough of the mortage to not have to worry about money as much as we do now. We still won't have anything going spare- I think having a child is one of those things that always costs more than you think- however I would like to fund it ourselves and not have to expect anyone else to cough up for me. I think that is utterly selfish and ignorant otherwise. Hey, I would love to keep some of my tax to save up for my own child rather than pay it out for people like you who can't be bothered to plan ahead.
This idea that once you hold the baby in you arms means everything will be ok is just so romantic and naive that it really shows how unrealistic you are. You will be scavenging off everyone else, but hey, if you don't mind, why should anyone else. I guess these sort of financial hand outs are designed for people like you, so why not help yourself?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): is anything else you would still like to know please dont hesitate to ask. Thank you again for your amazing support and I will keep you updated (: x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): easiest option physically. Mentally and emotionally, just as other posters have said, the regret can last a lifetime. I am fully aware that I am far to young to be having a child and that it is
going to be hard in all aspects, yet when I think of holding this tiny bundle of life in my arms I know it would all be worth it. To answer your questions about how I/my boyfriend and I are going to support the baby financially, there is no real answer to that. At the moment I have a weekend and after school job, with money saved in the bank which was initially going towards a car. It is hard to say I am going to run out and get a job after the baby is born as I am just 16 and to support a baby I am going to need more than a weekend job. I feel that if I have this baby, I can spend the next 7 or 8 months planning or deciding what would be the best option. I assure you the answer will not be scaveging off anyone else. I hope that answers everyones questions. If I havent been clear about something or if there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): (sorry please bear with me I am posting this off a cellphone and can only do so many characters at once) That she would take the baby so I could continue with school, yet to me this feels as though I am putting my responsibility onto her which I couldnt do. I have looked into schools with teen mother units and have found one less than a 20minute drive away with a creche for baby. I would be more open to go with this option as I dont want to put stress on her. Also, I am due beggining of the christmas holidays which will give me and baby a good 8 or 9 weeks to get into a routine etc and I wouldnt have to be taking them as a new born. This brings me to the second thing I would like to say. Reading some of the peoples comments saying I am too young and to abort it made me really quite sad. Pregnancy and life is precious and to say that aborting this tiny life inside me would be the easiest option made me wrap my arms around my tummy and nearly cry. Abortion is only the
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Wow. Thank you all for your amazing support and opinions. Its really given me some good things to think about. Just some things I noticed people bringing up that I would like to explain. First of all, I come from a good home. I live with both my parents who are strict on me as I am thier first child, but also great parents. My mother and I had some very rough times when I was about 11-14 when I went through periods of not wanting anything to do with her, running away, rebelling against her wishes etc. Looking back I was really a horror child and she did amazingly. I have so much admiration for what she did for me dispite what I did to her, and this has brought us so much closer. we have an great bond now. Her outlook on teen pregnancy is that no matter what the situation, abortion is never, EVER the answer. I have kind of adopted this way of thinking and through this I have never believed in abortion. My boyfriend knows this, yet he doesnt accept or agree with it. Another thing mom has always said is
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 March 2010):
 If you don't want to abort this baby, then you absolutely must not.
That is where you start. This baby is alive, inside you, and is totally dependent on you for his or her life. You have to protect him or her, and nobody can make you have an abortion.
Once you have ruled out abortion as totally impossible, you will then find that other options start opening up - ways of dealing with your pregnancy.
Your boyfriend is terrified as he knows his life will change forever, and he thinks his mom will do something drastic, and will come down on him like a ton of bricks and eg stop him seeing you, stop him going out, etc. He is scared. But actually, he will survive, and one day he will thank you for having his child. And remember - nobody ever regrets having a child once the baby has been born, but the regret as a woman for having aborted a baby is lifelong. A lifelong sentence
Somebody here needs to be the grown up. What about your parents? How do you think they will react?
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female
reader, Vicci +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Think about your life aswell as the babys.
University will become hard. Having a career will become almost impossible as a young mum.
Do you really want this child right now? Don't you want to live your life?
I also agree that the child has a right to life though.
Why not try immediate adoption?
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Also think about it like this what if your mother was pregnit with you at the age of 16 and got an abortion. Then you wouldnt be here right now or know what life was. Its not the babys fault you are 16. He/she diserves a chance of life to. But thats just my opinon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): I don't understand the problem here.
You wanted a baby and you didn't use protection properly.
Now you are pregnant. I agree with other anon poster, you got the pregnancy you planned for by your actions.
So what are you worried about? Everything has worked out as you planned.
Your bf doesn't want a baby but you do. If you think you will be a good mother and be able to raise a child independently then do it. I assume you do think that you can do all this because you surely have already thought all this through when you started having sex and not using protection (at your own admission).
Being a single mum is hard but not impossible. At your age I guess it will be even harder as you don't have a high level of education or a decent job. But again, obviously you knew all this when you started fooling around.
TBH I think you should have an abortion as you clearly have no clue of what is coming.
What do your parents think out of interest? Surely that is just as/more important for you than what your bf's mother thinks.
Post back!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Your boyfriends mother needs to understand that her little boy is growing up,he can't be a chained forever,she should help support the situation not make you to feel worse.Your boyfriend also needs to understand he can't fear his mother forever,If he loves you and he really wants that baby then he should be working his butt off to make sure you guys are able to get through this whole thing,abortion is not the answer,If you need help youneed to talk to your parents or a family member you can really trust. If your boyfriend can't seem to change his mind,and you want to keep the baby,you need to let him know that its not just his kid its yours 2 and its your body if his choice after that is he doesn't want to be with you,make sure you have made your choice and you are 100% sure,becuse you are strong and confident that you want this baby,you tell him you are keeping it and just leave him because he is to nieve and was not the one for you.And just remember your family is always there for you!
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female
reader, lavalass  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 i became pregnant wth my son at 17,believe me it was not easy,and i struggled to take care of him,he's 18 now,and you know wht?? i love my son and i wouldnt of done any thing different..wht i'm saying is,ultimately the decision is yours,do wht you feel is right in your heart,do not let someone else decide for you,and remember whtever tht decision is,you will have to prepare to live wth it..all the best!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Do the pair of you have anything to offer the baby or will you be living and bringing up the baby on handouts and other peoples' time, effort and help?
Think very carefully about your answers before you decide to keep the baby.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Out of interest, I know you want this baby, but have you considered how you are going to pay for it, etc, without just expecting your parents or the state to cough up? Do you think you can give this child the quality of life it deserves or is this more for your benefit rather than anyone else's? I do not have an opinion either way about abortion, I think it is up to the individual. However, this means that the individual has to really weigh up how they are going to bring up the baby and are they capable, will they do a good job. I mean, you are sixteen. How are you going to pay for anything?
I also think you need to learn about responsibility before you seriously think about having a baby. You were utterly irresponsible with your contraception. Have you got any idea how responsible you have to be when another life depends on yours? I suspect not and don't think you have really considered what it entails. I'm sorry but from what you have said you can't even be bothered to be careful when you have sex, I have no idea why you think you can bring up a child. You are a child yourself and too immature to be having sex. It is now not fair of you to bring another life into the world and expect everyone else to fund it and help you out because you couldn't make some basic contraception decisions. Don't have the baby. You need to grow up first.
Incidentally, if you don't use contraception properly then it IS a planned pregnancy.
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female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (27 March 2010):
 whether his mother is religious or not its not her choice its down to you and your boyfriend to decide your not the only young person to fall pregnant it happens to loads of girls and generally the parents arent best pleased but they come round to the idea eventually.your boyfriend cannot force you to abort this child it is your body and you should decide for yourself what you want to do.i know its hard as you probably dont want to loose your boyfriend however if he loves you hel stick by you in the long run but you have to take into consideration whether you have this child or not your relationship may suffer a child can put alot of strain on a relationship i say it either makes or breaks you however if you abort because he wants you to you could end up resenting him.i think maybe you should talk to your family and explain the situation make them aware that you know what is coming your way if you choose to keep it
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female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Get an abortion now! Don't wait any longer. At 16 you have no idea what you are in for with having a baby! No idea! If you go through with this pregnancy you will be in for a life time of hardship and will most likely raise a kid with no dad. Where are your parents in all this? What is their take? What about your education? You have the next 25 year ahead of you to have a baby. Please to things in the right order. Marriage and then baby at a proper age. Not now! You are staring down the barrel of disaster. And never ever have unprotected sex again because all of this could have been avoided if you and he had done the mature thing. You flirted with disaster by not using contraception and now look where you are!
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (27 March 2010):
If you abort you will regret it for the rest of your life. If you don't you will look into that babies eyes and be mad for ever considering it. And guess what? When your bf holds that child for the first time he will be so happy you didn't. There are few things in life that bring us more happiness than holding our own little baby
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Think carefull about it.Cuz if you want to have the baby and you dont you will probly regret it when your older. Like if you have other kids when your older you will be wondering what your first child would of looked and been like. I think you should do whats best for you and the baby. Dont do it just cuz he wants you to. Plus there are other options like adoption if you end up not wanting it. Personaly i would keep it cuz to me i would feel like im ending my childs life. But it depands on your situation and what you personaly think is best.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Jehovah's Witnesses condemn abortion, teaching that life begins at conception and life is sacred to Jehovah.
Those who have committed serious sins before their baptism, or even after, will be forgiven by Jehovah and welcomed in the congregation so long as they abandon their sin completely.
Your b/f is not speaking for his mom but only for himself. You should seek his mother's opinions about your baby.
Talk to your mom and let her know your condition.She will have your welfare at heart.
reference;-
http://www.religionfacts.com/jehovahs_witnesses/ethics.htm
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female
reader, maura84 +, writes (27 March 2010):
"Now I'm stuck because I want this baby so much and I know we can do it, but he wants me to abort it." I think you answered your own question.
Never ignore your instinct for a man. If you already feel such a strong connection with this child already, I think you answered your question for yourself. It is your body; you should be the one responsible for it. Don't let your boyfriend tell you what to do just because he's scared of how his mother will react. It's not her life you are dealing with; it's yours.
Please consider giving this child life. This pregnancy may seem like a mistake at the moment, but I'm sure you will come to realize what a beautiful mistake it will be. God creates nothing bad, and I'm sure you will realize this as you're staring into the beautiful eyes of the life that you and your boyfriend created.
Finally, just ignore your boyfriend. Although you most likely want him there, you can always give him the option not to be involved. Obviously, if he doesn't want the child now, he probably won't want it later--not the type of figure you'd want in your child's life. So what if it is just you and your baby? As your child grows up, he/she will realize what an incredible thing you did--choosing and giving him/her life--something which he/she would never have without you.
Bottom line: forget your boyfriend and his mother, and listen to yourself. Choose life.
I'll be praying for you and hope you make the right choice for yourself and your unborn child. Please, do not hesitate to privately message me. I'll be here to listen and support you. Take care 3
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