A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been living w/ my boyfriend for 2 yrs. We have been renting. He is now working on getting a loan for a house (to buy) and we have started house hunting. He has been talking about putting the house in his name only.I don't really care for the house to be in my name as well, but my mother has been preaching to me that if he were to die, his family could kick me out of that house and I would have no where to live. Should I talk to my boyfriend about this situation? Should I ask him if my name could be included? Should I ask him what he see's in the future as far as "we" go? About a year ago I asked him about marriage (the one and only time) and he flipped out. Asking, "My God, how fast do you want to grow up?" (I am 25) and then he said, "We haven't even been together long enough for me to know what I want!" but he did mention something about how he wouldn't have said lets get a dog together if he wasn't planning on us being together long term. So now we are about to get a house... I told myself that I would never mention marriage to him again, but at the same time, I don't really want to help pay for a house that is only in his name so that he could kick me out one day and keep it all and leave me with nothing. Please advise... any suggestions will be helpful, thank you! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who responded to my question. I really appreciate your time and advice!!!
I of course will stay with him - I like him a lot and I love him dearly. He says he loves me too, but something tells me I love him more, which is strange for me because I am used to the guy being more crazy about me than I am him. I could be wrong though, I could be reading him wrong, I don't know. I guess if I want to be with him, I shall be with him with or without being married.
I just don't want all this to blow up in my face one day. You know... it's every girls dream to get a house with a man and have no securities. (I'm being sarcastic).
But he is good to me for the most part. He surprises me with flowers from time to time (Sunday I wake up to see flowers on my night stand beside my bed)... he takes me out to eat a lot, he does not help much with cleaning the house though - haha, but all in all, he really is wonderful and I just want him. In my opinion, marriage is when you know you want that person- you cannot see yourself with anybody else - and that is where I am now, but he obviously is not there. So, I will wait on him, I just hope I don't have to wait too long or wait and get thrown to the curb.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 I see that the problem is yours. You may not like what he has said but he's been honest. He told you he is not committed to a long term promise at this point. You asked him and he answered. As for the house, you have to pay to live somewhere. If you choose to wait it out with him, then you should carry your weight and pay something. If you do marry one day you can work out the details at that point. If you live there, pay "rent" and get receipts for "rent payments". Hold on to them too. You never know when you'll need them. Also, hold on to receipts for anything else you pay for too.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (4 October 2008):
 Given his concern about marriage, I would not sign on a house with him. If you wanted to pay him "rent" to live there, then that would be ok. But it shouldn't be half of the mortgage, etc. A set agreed upon rent and then he can pay all the other bills. This way if you do break up, you are free and clear of the entanglement of selling a house you bought together. And yes, there is some loss of security for you but there is also a sense of freedom so look on that side. In a couple of years if he is not ready to make that commitment then you might consider leaving the situation. Everyone has their timeline and so you need to decide if you can life with his timeline and if not, do something about it.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried to talk to him about this when I got home from work and as I had feared, he got frustrated. He did in fact say that he doesn't want for me to help pay for the house, that he only wants me to help pay for bills. That is kind of strange to me & sounds like something he would change his mind on once we're actually in the house because before today, he had mentioned I pay a third of the house pymt each month (why nothing now?)
He also told me that he thinks 2 years is too soon "to know," then he put his head in his hands and reminded me of people that waited 5-7 years before getting engaged.
He always says things that leave me blank... my mind goes blank and I cannot even think of what to say in response. Like when he said, "You're trapping me in a corner to propose to you." and I'm like, "NO I'M NOT, I'm just trying to talk about our future!!" ... so... I just don't know. Do I leave him over this when I really, really like and love him?
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A
female
reader, GuardianAngel  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 Hi I am Guardian Angel I will let you know now that you mother is right but there is that other problem to that if you split up he gets everything that's what my dad did he left my mum with everything in her name and now she has so much debt to pay off but luckily enough I don't have anything to do with the money I earn so I give her most of it except about £200 out of £775.50 any other questions just write to me ok sweet xx BEST OF LUCK
Yours Sincerely Guardian Angel
Friend To Everyone Glad To Help Anyone With A Problem even those who just want to chat that's why I'm the best Agony Aunt
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 October 2008):
 If you are helping pay for the house, your name should be included. You and your boyfriend need to have a serious talk if you're thinking about buying a house together. If he's man enough to purchase a house, he should be man enough to talk about the future with the one helping him pay for it!
Definitely talk to him about this situation. It's been two years, it's time to have the "future" talk. If he continues to be this controlling and non-committal, maybe it's time to really look at this relationship. He sounds like kind of a creep to me!
Good luck, my sweet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): It seems this guy is very much in control, why the hell should he be you have been going out for 2 years? Its what you want too.. the relationship seems very much one sided.. it could always be this way, is this what you really want? Guys are very different to us the better sex, he might be carrying on happy as if it is no big deal but you need to know where you stand and where this relationship is going. Dont be a doormat, this is your life too i think you should sit him down and ask him where he sees this relationship going, where does he see himself maybe in 5 years time?? 2 years is a long time and you should be settled enough in your relationship to know where it is going by now. To be honest i wouldnt be happy with my guy getting the house in his name, like you not for any finacial aspect but because its not a very coupley thing to do. You must lay your cards on the table and soon, dont agree to anything financially or otherwise you are not totally happy with. Your mum just wants to see you settled and secure
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): pay only for other things....like electricity lol....but seriously he's only thinking about himself...what "I" want...
if that does happen you could always just rent a smaller place no?
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