A
male
age
36-40,
*nonosaurus
writes:I've done a terrible thing. I have been seeing a girl for around a month and been going out with her for about two weeks. We had a shaky start to the relationship but since then things have been going great.We have been enjoying a great sex life with each other but one thing I noticed early on when I fingered her was that she smells very strongly down there and it kind of put me off. We were having sex the other day and she got really turned on and the smell was so strong that as soon as we finished I went to wash my hands and have a shower.She realised something was wrong and she kept asking me what was the matter, I tried to pretend everything was fine but she wouldn't let it go so eventually I told her.It was a really horrible awkward conversation and I tried not to say too much but under pressure I clumsily bulldozed through her feelings. The next morning she left for work in a state and I feel so bad for her she is literally crushed today. I really really like her and it kills me to see her in so much pain and know that I caused it through my idiotic words and tactlessness.She said she is healthy and that no one has ever commented before about it and that in the past people have loved the way she smelled which would suggest that there is something wrong with me.She was up all last night looking on the internet for advice and ways to sort it out as she is really into me and thinks I am a really nice guy and says she is glad I told her rather than keep it secret.In reality though I think I feel like such a dick and think she is blinkered to see how much of an arse hole I have been.I really feel so bad for her and I don't know what to do now. She won't let me go anywhere near her intimately now as she is paranoid and her confidence ruined.Please any advice at all would be much appreciated, its so awful.
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confidence, crush, sex life, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Everyone is so quick to scream STD.. please.
Our bodies react to each other. I never had any odor problem with other partners but with my current partner he gets me so worked up I find myself offensive... He has mentioned that this has been a problem for him with other women as well it's how his chemistry reacts with mine... (and clearly other women)
The more aroused I get the worse the odor is... and I've got a clean bill of health thank you very much! not so much as a yeast infection....
Talk to her, tell her it's not a deal breaker and TOGETHER you will figure it out...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Bacterial vaginosis. This infection is caused by an overgrowth of various bacteria which live in the vagina. The classic signs are vaginal discharge with a strong, fishy-smelling odour and pain while urinating. So I hope this helps, you she need to go to the doctor and get some Antibiotics. O yeah lostphoenix LOL
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (11 August 2011):
 You Wish hit the nail on the head. She is embarrassed and self conscious now. Sure, maybe you could have said it better, but is there really ever a nice way to say that? Dont beat yourself to death over it. You were beig honest. She might have an infection or something and should get it checked out. Just be nice and explain you never meant to upset her and that you love her regardless. Explain it might be a medical thing and she should just have it checked out. Have her eat fresh fruit and drink natural juice for a few days. Stay away from garlic and asparagus right before love making. Suggest some feminine cleansing products, perhaps, but in a way that signals you are just trying to help her through a tough situation. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 You have done the right thing by telling her. You love her and when you love someone, when something is wrong, you should feel free to say it. All you need to do is reassure her that you are never going to reject her because she has a problem. On the contrary, you want to help her with this issue and be with her. Maybe, she could consider cleaning her intimate parts with a Gel specifically designed for women intimacy. They are very effective
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): Could be an STD especially as nobody has complained before........
Think you handled it ok as it goes but totally understand how she feels too
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 August 2011):
 That's pretty rough, and it put you in a spot to be sure. You told her the truth, and I'm sure that she wanted to hear it. It's just that it's devastating to her. I hope you used tact and not said "you smell awful". There's diplomatic ways to do stuff.
Right now, she's feeling like you would if she told you that your penis is too small to satisfy her. Your ego would be shattered. Likewise, to hear that her "womanhood" is offensive is just as shattering.
It's going to take some time. First, be honored that she totally loves you, and that...actually...you're the one that causes her to smell like that. Her smell increased because you were genuinely turning her on. Women get so self-conscious about these things, and the only true way we can enjoy being sexual is to let ourselves go. Having anxiety is a death knell especially early in your relationship like this.
I agree that she should see an OBGYN, and in a weird way, you may have done her a favor alerting her to to the potency of her "musk". But, like the old saying goes, you can't unscramble an egg.
This will take time. Just be really patient with her, and kind and loving. Let her know that you haven't rejected her, and that you are no less attracted to her. Sex may have to be put on hold for a little bit to let her come to grips and let the embarrassment pass.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 She may say that she is healthy, but when was the last time she had a check up? Perhaps she should see a OB/GYN and ask them if there might be problems?
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A
female
reader, lostphoenix +, writes (11 August 2011):
I don't know how much advice this is really going to be, as it may not be what you want to hear... but as nice as someone is, there is a lot more to a good relationship that is going to make it, and biology, mainly pheremones (the scent of a person) is a big role. If you can't stand the smell of her... that is very telling that she may not be the one for you. I am sorry. And wheter you lacked tack in how you told her, I think you should still be proud of yourself for being honest. If you did so horribly in tact/diplomacy when you told her, then apologize for that. But if you are not attracted to her scent... it is never going to work out between the two of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): You didn't do anythang wrong. In fact, you helped her. I had a guy tell me that once.. whatever. I drink pineapple juice now because it helps to smell good down there and sperm is sweeter also. Moreover, if she has bacterial vaginosis or an STD ..a fishy smell is a symptom.In my opinion, your lady friend is behaving very juvenile. Protect yourself.If she respects herself and your health, she will return. If not? oh WELL (: Stay safe!
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