A
female
age
41-50,
*ostphoenix
writes:I wrote a long thing a bit ago about my ex-boyfriend and our very sudden break up. We were perfect together and totally in love, but then he lost his job and had a total meltdown and we broke up. Coupled with that, he was also afraid/panicked about being ready for kids. (I have two, he has none). Basically our relationship moved a lot faster than it should have due to us being so in love, and then reality hit hard... but I still honestly feel the feelings are still there with both of us. He's just freaked out and in a bad place with trying to find a job so he doesn't end up losing his house (he just bought his first house this year.)We had talked after that and he apologized for hurting me and he was even more upset that he had hurt me. We didn't talk for awhile and then we ended up spending a night together a couple of weeks ago, and we said we would just take it one day at a time.Well, I blew it and let my mind run wild and I pushed him too hard and basically was pushing him to say he wanted to be back with me. After that he said we should just be friends because he couldn't give me a light garantee that we had a future together because he just didn't feel that way.I freaked out and told him I couldn't be friends and I basically cut him out of my life. After a week and a half, I felt that was absolutely stupid to do on my part and I sent a big apology email owning up to all the things I did wrong in pushing our relationship.He wrote back immediately and apologized for all the fault he did as well, and told me I'd always have a special place in his heart and he really wants to be friends. It's been very slow. I don't want to overwhelm him like what happened the last time we started talking again, but all the feelings for him are still there. It's very hard, but I don't want to lose him out of my life.We have been having a few light hearted emails back and forth, just trying to re-build our friendship. My question is... is a relationship still salvageble at all? Obviously it's going to take time. We also both said in our apology emails that neither one of us wants to date anyone right now... Do you think it's possible he still feels the same for me and is still just freaked out trying to decide what to do about our future? I really want us to get back together, and I am okay with that being in the future... I'm working on myself right now, hitting the gym, meditating, taking care of my children, etc. But this man is truly the love of my life... I can't just give up on the hope...
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female
reader, lostphoenix +, writes (23 August 2011):
lostphoenix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I don't think I can simply just ask for it back now. lol He is being very wishy washy in communication. He seems to respond to very casual emails immediately, but the second I mention us getting together for something, even just lunch or a hike, he stops communication. I wait a few days and then send another casual email and he responds immediately again. He obviously can't handle more than a few emails right now, even though he said I was welcome to come over anytime... I'm not sure how keen he actually is on that idea. The situation is very confusing.
A
female
reader, lostphoenix +, writes (16 August 2011):
lostphoenix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your insightful words. It means a lot. This is extremely hard to not talk to him like we used to... but the love that we had is worth fighting for.
I saw him over the weekend to get the last of my things out of his house and he still looked at me with so much love in his eyes. He greeted me at the door with a hug. And he still did not want the key back, but I had him take it. He told me I'm welcome there anytime...
We are casually talking on and off, nothing too major. I do feel that once he gets a job and gets his life situated again things will start changing for us. I'm learning patience and pacing... I know it's something I needed to learn... it's just incredibly hard because I love and miss him so much.
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