A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship with a married man and I thought I got pregnant and tried to contact him several times. So I called him a few times for about 5 days and he didn't answer. Then I sent him a message stating that I thought I was pregnant and I didn't want to call him at home.He got upset and broke up with me. He didn't know all the details because he didn't ask. I wasn't going to call any one in his home and state that I was his lover, but he didn't know that or not even thinking about that possibility.He said he would never call em home even if he doesn't hear from me for days and what I did was bad and I shouldn't call his home for any reason in any circumstances.You know it's not a good thing to get pregnant with a married man I had to contact him to solve the problem.My question is : calling his home and pretending I was some lady is that bad? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): you give mistresses a bad name. what does your mm see in you. big drama queen, that is all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks eyewideopen. That was a smart answer.
I guess I will need to have my eyes wide open in the future.lol
True Soon, the affair has to be kept between two of us and what-ever-happens as well. Being ignored for a big problem caused some reactions.
Thank you all again. I got great answers from everyone.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Glenn Close aka Alex, delivers then that memorable line, “I’m not going to be ignored, Dan!”
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"you do not have a problem with him being married, in fact you never concerned yourself with this fact at all. you are more concerned about an apparent what if phone call."Yes this is very true. I didn't ask anyone here for a lecture, if it's good or bad to be involved with a married man. It is my choice. I wanted to know what other people think about calling a married man at home for the reason I've mentioned. Nothing to do with what is right or wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): you do not have a problem with him being married, in fact you never concerned yourself with this fact at all. you are more concerned about an apparent what if phone call.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (4 January 2010):
 At this point, none of this matters anyway since the relationship is over, right? There's no need to go back and forth over right and wrong because this ENTIRE situation is wrong on so many levels. It's over. Let it go.
Now that he's gone, please take some time to heal from your past relationships before you start dating ANY man, single or otherwise. You deserve to be with a man that will take your calls no matter what, and a married man will never be completely available to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCelia,
sorry I don't understand this part:
"Meg, she asked that question with it being given that you would fall trap to that scenario. As in, you had agreed to be with him, to sleep with him, etc. etc"
However, I knew from the beginning he was married, but he simple believes that I shouldn't call his home for any reason, which I don't agree because he didn't want to talk to me for 7 days.So I had to contact him. That's why I said he believes I'm a bitch. I still don't know what he thought I was going to do by calling his home: telling his or kids? But that wasn't my intention at all.
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (3 January 2010):
 You are trying to reason this out. It's not reasonable. You don't have sex with married men. I know that this wasn;t directed towards me, but you asked someone what they would do if they got pregnant by a married man and he didnt reply for seven days. First off I wouldn't get preg with a married man because wouldnt have sex with him in the first place. Second if I told him and he showed no interest, then i'd either raise my bby myself or put he/she up for adoption.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Sleeping with someone else's husband is the bad thing. Cheating on a spouse is a bad thing. If you're going to cheat, not uses birth control is a risky thing. Debating about making a phone call......the scale of good or bad here seems a little whacky.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCarrot,
Actually he wasn't that bad and distant. I know majority of the guys cheaters are like that, just call their lover and let's screw, but he wasn't like that.
We talked and email once in a while. After the pregnancy thing he actually started letting me know what he was doing during the day more often. I guess he felt bad too because he didn't answer me .Then he only told me about his worries calling his home after about 2 months, not then, which I never understood. As I said before he actually didn't break up with me, I did. I sent him like an email telling him that I couldn't wait for him anymore, then he told me about his worries. He even sent me an email for holidays, which was after 2 months we broke up.
He only found out about the pregnancy test after Christmas when I resent him an email that actually I sent a while ago but for what ever reason didn't get sent. In this email I explained him exactly what happened and how I felt, but he didn't say anything either.
I am not sure about the feelings, I am more pissed because he believes I am that "bad" of a person. Plus because I broke up with him and not him.
Thanks both Celia, Carrot, Meg and others who answered me.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 January 2010):
I get what you're saying; it was an emergency and he wasn't available to you. When you were able to connect, he was angry that you would have called his home to find him. You are hurt that he believes you would intentionally hurt his family. However, you need to stop thinking of yourself as a benevolent mistress; even if it is not your intention, your actions ARE hurting his family.
The fact that you are hurt by his judgment of you suggests that whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you have developed feelings for this man. You held him in high esteem and thought he felt the same way about you, but instead he turned on you in your time of need. Even though you didn't make the call,it makes no difference to him: you were no longer his fun distraction, you were a threat to his way of life. And it hurts you to think that he sees you this way, but now you know how little he values you.
Stop dwelling on whether or not you were justified in your actions. You need to focus on the fact that he felt he had no need to contact you when he got busy or to return your call. Your "emergency" didn't matter to him because you don't matter to him. Do you think he went a week without contacting his wife to check on her and update her on what's going on? As him mistress, he is not vested in your well-being and didn't feel like he had to call you AT ALL, even if just to say "hello".
The relationship is over, so stop worrying about the corrections of your actions and work on healing yourself from your past relationships. The relationship with the married man is just as toxic as the others.
By the way, please use condoms if you're going to continue to be in these kinds of relationships. My brother died of AIDS at the age of 36 and guess what? He got it from his wife. He was faithful; she was not. Don't be so trusting to believe that married men are somehow "safer".
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCelia,
I think I got your messages mixed up with somebody else's.
No, I wouldn't call his wife unless I would get pregnant and he wouldn't respond or talk to me for some time, but that wasn't the case.
It was somebody else who said I shouldn't call his home, in any circumstances, which I didn't agree since I thought I was pregnant. But this whole thing was about trying to contact him by calling him at home, not his wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCelia,The whole thing is over now, we are not together for some time now. I was just trying to find some answers here.I am not pregnant, see my older messages. I thought I was when I took a test, but the thing was expired and it was a false positive. About 2 weeks after that I went to the doc and took a real test which was negative. You said this:"Well, if I were 100% certain that he fathered the child, I would call him again. If he failed to respond for an extended period of time, I would call him at his home. I would demand aid. If I did not receive aid, I would go to court. Pleasantries would go out the window at this point."It's exactly what I did. The test showed that I was pregnant.It was much easier to take a over the counter test than goinng to the doctor.So I don't really get your whole point when you said that I shouldn't have called him at home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Celia,
when we first started this relationship we told each other that we weren't going to screw anybody else and I didn't and I don't believe he did either.
Don't tell me that a married man wouldn't care if he would have a child outside of his marriage. And yes the DNA would work just perfectly to prove it.
So what would you do if you get pregnant by a married man and he doesn't respond for 7 days?
I know you wouldn't get involved with a married man, but let's skip that part.
As I said, I wasn't going to tell his wife of course, I was just trying to reach him because he didn't answer my calls for 7 days.
I know some people in those situations and read other stories, and yes I know the lovers call their married others home for what ever reason, even not emergency reasons like mine.
However, now that I read your answers I see things in a bit different way and most likely I would never get involved with a MM or if I do, for sure I wouldn't think about calling him at home.
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (2 January 2010):
I have to agree with Celia. You can't truely have a relationship with a married man, then expect him not to worry that his family finds out. Even though he shouldn't have even been with you in the first place. I know your appalled by the fact that he thinks you are a "bitch" and that you would harm his family ( although, by harm, I really think he meant them finding out)But you have to realize in his eyes all you were was someone to screw on the side. No matter what he said, or what it seemed like, or whether or not you believed it was sooo much more; it wasn't. And do you honestly believe that you are the first? Because chances are that he's done this with many man women before you. But its over now. Now you can move on. You don't need to linger over what's lost. Its a good thing that it is. You have a fresh start. Maybe you'll find a real relationship, not with a married man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Meg.
It's still in my mind the fact that someone I had a relationship with, thought about harming him or hid family.
It's even worse when I tell that person what was in my mine or going to do, but he didn't say anything.Well, I know guys are like that.
Even I slept with a married man , I am not a bitch like many women in those cases. Yes I could have called his wife or send her copies of our emails/texts, but this is something I would never do. And I told him. But it still bothers me the fact he thought I was a "bitch".
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (2 January 2010):
Okay that makes more sense, I understand, but the whole thing is still way damn confusing ( and if it confuses me, I can only imagine how it confused you) and not something either of you need in your life. Especially since he IS married. But I'm glad you got everything sorted out. Its good that you told him what was going on whether he replied to it or not. From here on out I strongly suggest that you just rid yourself of this whole situation, and now especially since you ended up not being pregnant, you really have an oppurtunity to. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): For the anonymus male,
I chose this path with a married man because some "bad" experience I had in my life. I had a ew long term relationships that became toxic after a few years being in.
These guys became like very possessive and they thought I was their property. I stayed with them believing that it would get better , but it didn't. So I was very unhappy and I thought if I go for a married man I could get some happiness but of course with some risks. Also for the last 5 years I've been with a guy and again things are going down the hill. Sex is zero and we don't do really much together because he doesn't like what I like.I really feel very young still.
I know I should break up with this guy, but I don't really know why I don't do it. It's not about money, I have more money than him anyway.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Applebite and Meg,
I am really glad I found 2 ladies here to understand what happened and WHY I did what I did.
Some people look just at the wrong thing in this situation, which of course is true. But my question wasn't about that .
He and I made a mistake which turned into a bigger mistake which we both had to fix it. Wife didn't have anything to do with it and all I know I didn't want to be alone here. I couldn't talk to anyone about it right? He was the only one I could talk, but he chose not to answer.The reason he didn't answer was that his father got into an accident and he had to go there, out of state. But this doesn't mean he had to ignore me. I see this like he made a mistake, after which I made a mistake, but based on those facts. He wasn't that bad after that, we actually met once and talked for a while, but he started being afraid that I could call his home. The circumstances of this whole think were weird. I did the pregnancy test but came out positive, then later one I did the real one and everything was fine.Yes thanks god for that.I emailed him a few times explaining to him a few things, but he never answered me (after I broke up with him). Then just a few days ago I noticed that the email I sent him explaining the whole thing about the false positive test didn't make it thu.But I still sent it to him after about 2 months, just because I wanted him to know what happened and how I felt about it. And of course I told him I would never try to harm him or his family.
Thanks all by the way
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Carrot,
He didn't actually broke up with, I broke up with him because of the whole situation. After that he told me about not calling his home thing.
Now I feel kind of bad because I misunderstood his intentions.He told me he got very busy and we couldn't see each other for some time.So I didn't feel like waiting and I broke up with him.
Of course I know it was wrong, but what about him not responding me when I had a problem? That was our problem, no wife involved, that we had to resolve.It happened, it happened, but it needed resolved and he didn't answer. So freaked out I thought contacting him, but without harming anyone there.Never thought talking to his wife and telling her the truth. Married man are off limits, but at the same time have some responsabilitie sfor the other woman too.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Anonymous OP you wrote that you had your reasons for screwing the married man. Would you elaborate what they were? I ask because I am curious as to why an intelligent woman who knew she would be playing second fiddle would still pursue a man who would never be fully there for her when she could have a fully single fellow who would be committed to her a hundred percent.
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (2 January 2010):
40? You are almost 40 and you haven't learned to stay off people's husbands?? Don't you realize all you are to him is a lay? He has a lot of nerve to brake up with you too after you told him you could potentially be pregnant with his baby. It just tells you what kind of man he is. I'm guessing your pregnancy was a false alarm. Good thing too. Why the hell do people get themselves involved in these kind of situations?! ( then almost bring a child into them?!) I just hope you've learned from this. And can you imagine if his poor wife knew? Poor thing, I feel bad for her. Don't get involved with married men. If they want to get involved with you when their married, then they're just pigs and if you are willing to go for a married man, then you're no better than he is. Brake all contact with him. If you end up getting preggers by a married man, thats your own fault. You can't expect him to raise that child even if he does know you are pregnant. Its just the way those kind of men are. Well, then again they aren't true men. Just try to stick to guys that are single, its not hard.
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female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (2 January 2010):
 I totally understand how you feel. It's not easy finding out you are pregnant when you can't reach the father in any way you can. For me, it is a valid point that you had thoughts of calling his house. If he cares about you at all, he will understand. It was him who wont respond to your calls or messages anyway, what would he expect?
However, because of this..the man broke up with you. If I were you stop thinking if he makes you feel wrong about it or right. The thing that is more important is how he reacted and how this revealed your value in his life. Because of that and he left you? After he enjoyed cheating his wife and enjoyed sleeping with you, he left you just like that?
You don't deserve this kind of treatment EVER in your life. Thank God your pregnancy was false alarm. Take this revelation and your separation an opportunity not to ever see this man again. Start anew. I know easier said than done but you must if you don't want to keep suffering like this at the same time feeding this jerk's ego.
Good luck to you dear.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (2 January 2010):
He broke up with you, right? Are you asking this question so you can convince him that what you did wasn't wrong so he will take you back?
The fact that you couldn't contact him when you needed him is part of being the woman on the side. You don't have that kind of access; that's a privilege that belongs to his wife. He got upset because you didn't know your place and his family is more important to him than you are. He is willing to dump you to keep them in his life. Threatening to call his home was a bad move, but then again, being in a relationship with a married man is also a bad move.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNiceGurl,
not sure if I understood your question, but I am going to try to answer anyway.
No, I don't want anyone to disclose my husband's affair. I prefer not to know.
What I was going to do was to ask him if he could talk, not to have an hour conversation, in case I would have called because I believe that I wouldn't have the courage to do it.
Yes true DearK, he would get nervous on the phone, but see my above answer. It was an emergency situation and I know family was off limits, but he didn't answer me.
So what would do if you get pregnant with a married man and you try to contact him for a week and he doesn't answer?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 January 2010):
 I am sticking to the fact that in an illicit affair, the home and family is OFF limits. Even if you call and say your someone else...the fact is that you are intruding in a part of his life which is clearly off limits to you.
If you had called at all....you would have put him off guard. Then he would act strangely around his wife, which she WILL notice, and she would start the 20 questions and little by little, the wicked web we weave unravels. So, under no circumstances is it right to call his home.
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female
reader, To A New Life +, writes (2 January 2010):
If you were his wife, and received the same call, how would you feel?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPinktopaz,
I didn't call his home at all, but I was just thinking about it when I thought I was pregnant and he didn't respond.
I did a pregnancy test which came up positive and I freaked out. Then I tried to contact him, but he didn't respond.
I got the test from a girlfriend who told me after a few days that the test was expired, so I still had a chance not to be. I went to the doc and took the real one and I wasn't pregnant.
So I didn't tell him that because I wanted to get his attention, but when I saw the resault I got freaked out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Yes.
"Bad" as in, it is a disservice to you.
You see, the best thing is sometimes, truth. Pretending you are another person in any circumstance, hides your needs, desires, and goals.
Question:
If you were married, would you appreciate someone fully disclosing your husband's affair? Why? What is so important about knowing that truth?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPinktopaz,
I didn't call his home at all, but I was just thinking about it when I thought I was pregnant and he didn't respond.
I did a pregnancy test which came up positive and I freaked out. Then I tried to contact him, but he didn't respond.
I got the test from a girlfriend who told me after a few days that the test was expired, so I still had a chance not to be. I went to the doc and took the real one and I wasn't pregnant.
So I didn't tell him that because I wanted to get his attention, but when I saw the resault I got freaked out.
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (2 January 2010):
 If a relationship has to be kept a secret, you shouldn't be in it! You knew he was married...
You are reaping what you sow.
To even think about calling his home is wrong!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 January 2010):
Umm yeah...it is bad. Here's why he probably got mad in the first place: because you were even contemplating calling his home. I don't understand the whole pretending to be some lady and calling his home question because you said you sent him a message, not that you called his home and talked to him. I read this several times and still don't get it, but whatever.
Also, you called him because you THOUGHT you were pregnant? So I take it you didn't know for sure? You just wanted to get his attention since he wasn't paying any attention to you so you came up with this whole "I think I'm pregnant" schpeel to hopefully make him yours. I know this isn't your question, but seriously, save yourself the drama and don't date married men and don't freak a dude out by telling them that you THINK you're pregnant, let them know when you're totally certain you're pregnant. C'mon, you're 36-40 years old and act this way? Wow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeliaatella, I know screwing a married man is not that good and I don't need a lecture, but I had my reasons.
That's very true Dearkelja, but as I said I wasn't going to tell anyone in his family about his affair with me. I just needed to contact him. There are way to contact someone and no one in his family would know who that person was.
Thanks
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 January 2010):
When you sign up for an illicit affair with a married man...his home and family is off limits. If you don't like slinking around then find a relationship you can be proud of and where the guy is proud of you. This kind of relationship sabotages your self esteem.
And while we're at it....what he is doing is wrong on so many levels.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Sleeping with Married man is the ad part. His poor wife has probably sarifices many years with this jerk and probably even had his babies. On second thoughts you and
him deserve each other
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