A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently told feelings to my friend who is engaged (She lead me on, she is a very good friend of mine, and I have always been there for her when she needed me), after telling feelings to her she said that she does not want to talk to me, then after couple of days she told me that she wants space from me for a while. After listening to her request I did not contact her for some 12 days, then she started talking to me, now she just talks to me in front of friends, not alone, and when she says hi it sounds very cold, and I get a feeling that she tries to avoid me. I feel very bad because of her behavior, I just want her to treat me normally now, but i feel that she does not want to talk to me. If she has decided in her mind that she does not want to talk to me again then why she does not tell me clearly now that she has decided that friendship is over now and soon she will not talk to me. I have always been good to her, listened to her, treated her with respect and always been there to help her. Can anyone please tell me whether things will improve or get worse from now, does she trust me or she hates me now? please help me.
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male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (23 February 2010):
This ain't the movies that you can tell someone how you feel when they are enaged to be married and at the end of the movie they call off the wedding and run to that person. This is real life. I don't know what you were expecting but you know you put her in a awkward position. Things are not going to be back to normal. She will be a married woman and starting a new life with someone. You have to make peace with yourself that it wasn't meant to be and feel better about yourself. I had to do it and while it hurts I have come to understand it and moved on. As for your friendship with her you just need to give her the space that she wants and let her get back to you because she has alot of things on her mind like planning her wedding. She doesn't hate you but she just can't deal with you right now. Just be patient and she'll talk to you again. Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 February 2010):
 I too question your motivation here. What did you think would happen once you disclosed your feelings for her? I'm guessing that your friendship is out the window and all you can do at this point is to get on with your life. Go out with your other friends, exercise, just stay as busy as you can.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (23 February 2010):
Oh honey. She is engaged to another man and you told her you have romantic feelings for her? That puts her in a really awkward position. She has a man, but now she feels like she is hurting you or that you want more from her than she can give. She doesn't know how to handle that so she is keeping her distance. It's challenging enough to maintain opposite sex friendships when you have a significant other.
I think she does care about your friendship and doesn't want it to end, but now you have put her in the position of knowing your feelings for her that she can't tell herself anymore that she is "safe" with you that it's just "friends".
What did you hope to achieve with telling her your feelings? did you hope she would break up with her fiancee and be with you? She may feel torn between her feelings of friendship for you and loyalty to her man.
Unfortunately I think you've made a mistake here and you will just need to back off and give it time. I'm very sorry.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 February 2010):
Don't contact her at all. She's engaged, and to tell her how you felt at this point was a dangerous move. Give her all the space and let her contact you.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 February 2010):
You told her how you feel, she shot you down. Move on man. I wouldn't even make much effort to be her friend. She is engaged and once she gets married her friendships with single guys are going to cease to exist.
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