A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There are a ton of HUGE things that are about to change with my husband and I, and I find myself questioning our relationship and whether or not were even compatible anymore.First off, he's telling me that he wants to quit his job and take another job in the city. We currently live in a small town an hour drive from 3 cities. We are buying our current house from family and have recently spent tons of money remodeling it. Now, he is telling me that he wants to rent an apartment in the city, pay 3 times, what we're currently paying to buy our house, on rent!!! To add on top of all of that, he wants to start a family. We currently don't have any children and were planning on starting one soon. However, now that he's told me that he wants to move to the city and live a fast life, I'm not so sure.I like where we live. We live in a small community and in my opinion, we have the best of both worlds. We can have the nice and quiet life should we choose, or the fast life of the city which is less than an hour away. What I'm trying to say is that I thought we wanted the same things out of life. I thought he wanted to own his own home in the community that we grew up in. Our children would have their grandparents to pick them up from school or to celebrate their birthdays with. If we move, they won't have any of that. Our families will be states away. We won't own our own home. We won't have pets like we do now. I'm struggling to accept this. How am I supposed to give up everything that I've ever wanted and everything that he led me to believe he wanted too? He wants a family, and before I say yes, I need to figure out what to do!!! I would appreciate any help that you would be willing to give. Thanks!Oh, and by the way, we've talked about this with one another and he's unwilling to compromise on anything. He's already made up my mind and he's expecting me to just comply. I feel like either way, I lose.
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female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (9 February 2013):
Okay, I think you are REALLY over exaggerating this one. We are only talking one hour away and you are suddenly saying your children (that you don't even have yet!) won't be able to see their grandparents on their birthdays and your families will suddenly be "states" away?It is ONE hour! I understand the rent is higher, but maybe the salaries are too. You didn't clarify on how you were trying to compromise, but how about moving 30 minutes away from the city, and 30 minutes away from your current home? Maybe you could live on the outskirts of your small town, but closer to the city. I don't know what kind of pets you have now, but many apartments allow people to keep pets (sometimes with a small deposit). You said you were planning on buying your house from your family. Maybe that explains the cheaper rent? Even if not, you could always give the city a few months and if you both realize it's not working, then would you be able to move back?I've moved all around the world and with every move, the people who were meant to be in my life have continued to be.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 February 2013):
 An hour commute around here is normal!
I agree why can't he get his job in the city and live in the suburbs... that's why they are often called "bedroom communities"
IF he insists it's his way only... I would call his bluff and say "have a nice life, have your lawyer contact mine"
to be honest if you want one thing and he wants something so different, then it may not work out... because one of you will be grossly unhappy.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Have you actually asked him why he cant get a job in the city but live where you are currently? What does he think when you tell him you dont want to waste money on renting when you own a house? What does he say when you tell him you dont want to bring up children in the city?
If he is simply not listening to you and telling you that it is his way or the highway - then you have to put your foot down. He is being unreasonable, you live close to a city so if it is about a better job opportunity then he can simply commute from where you are now. There is no valid reason for him to uproot your entire life, so you are going to have to tell him you wont do it.
It sounds to me like he is having a bit of a crisis, wanting to relive a mispent youth perhaps? Did you get married young? Maybe he is regretting being settled so young and wants to be in the heart of a city partying and having fun. If that is the case he cant be married anymore and needs to let you go. But you need to get to the bottom of it - ok so you might be 'talking' but you clearly are not asking the right questions.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Everyone in life have there own wants and goals starting out from being a child, and as we grow we all feel we need to meet these wants and goals. Being in a relationship is about combaining these wants and goals with someone elses that may be the same or very similar to yours. However it seems that this guy is just barking up the wrong tree, as he wants something completely different to what you do. Being in a committed relationship is also about compramise, its about coming to a mutual agreement with your partner so you are both happy and have peace of mind. Once again this is not in his agenda which makes him come across from what you have written as a very selfish person. The only thing you can do is really put your foot down, tell him its not feesable for you to move at the moment, or if you are willing to compramise then discuss with him maybe moving a few towns away or for example closer to the city but not to far from home, discuss with him as best as you can, get you point across about your future family. If he cares about you as much as he states then he should be able to comprasmise and take in your wants and goals like he does his own, and if not, well..theres nothing you can do to make him stay, and if he is not going to listen to what you want as well then hes bascially just trying to live a single mans life and just care about himself, so its really up to you to question where it is going to go from there onwards.Good Luck xx
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