A
female
age
41-50,
*anie1980
writes:I'm not sure what to do. My husband went away for a business trip that extended into last Saturday (because he had a late Friday meeting, and he was several hours away). My in-laws took the kids for the weekend for a visit. My girlfriend invited me (and I thought a few other women) over for a few drinks and dinner. I thought it would be wine and girl talk. My husband was real cool with it, since we had the kids, I don't get out much, he thought it was a great idea to have some girl-bonding time as he called it.I showed up at Stacy's house around 7:30 or so. (She said come over anytime between 7 and 8). More and more people came over. In the end it was about 20 people or so, both guys and girls. This wasn't what I expected, but I didnt' want to seem like a problem, so I just drank some wine and mingled. I must have checked about 100 times to make sure my diamond and wedding ring were 'really visible', don't know why, but I felt a little uncomfortable being at a 'mixed sex' party when I thought it was going to be 4 or 5 girls just talking and stuff.Around 11:00, I called my husband to say goodnight, and he could tell I had a few drinks. He told me to ask Stacy if I could spend the night there and not drive home. I had gone into her guest bedroom to call, I never mentioned that there was a lot more people, guys and girls, at her house. He still thinks is was a girls night. Anyway, I had a few more glasses of wine since I knew I wasn't driving home. Around 1:00 or so, I said goodnight to Stacy, and went into her guest bedroom to sleep. The next morning I woke up and there was a guy in the bed with me. I never ever even knew he came into the room, I must have passed out completely when I went to sleep. I didn't do anything, but the problem is, he got up and said good morning then walked down the hall to go to the bathroom, and he was completely naked.Not a shred of embarressment or shyness at all, he just got out of bed, everything swinging around and all, went down the hall to the bathroom, then came back to the room. Introduced himself as he was putting his boxers on. As he was either walking to the bathroom or back to the guest room, I heard Stacy say good morning to him. I didn't do anything at all, but not only was a naked guy in the same bed with me, but people (at least Stacy) saw him leave the same bedroom that I was in completely naked.I feel like I need to tell my husband, as I feel he has a right to know, but I did NOTHING WRONG at all. I think he is going to be real upset. If I don't tell him though, other people know this naked guy was in the same bedroom as me, and if he hears it from elsewhere, he will assume the worst. Should I tell him? Or talk to Stacy and make sure she never ever speaks of this? What if Stacy has another party and this guy is there (if I ever go over to her house again, it will only be with my husband). What if the guy makes some comment about be seeing his stuff and all? My husband would probably kill him. Do you think my husband will believe that I was sleeping and this guy must have just crawled into the bedroom and that I did absolutely nothing wrong?
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male
reader, wildman +, writes (31 March 2008):
 I surely would not tell your husband. I agree with H2H, What happened at Stacy's stays at Stacy's.
He would probably not trust you again even though you did nothing wrong. good luck
A
male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (19 March 2008):
I think where the misunderstanding came from was the way you wrote the last sentence in the fourth paragraph. You wrote, "I didn't do anything at all, but not only was a naked guy in the same bed with me, but people (at least Stacy) saw him leave the same bedroom that I was in completely naked."If you had written the end of the sentence, "...people saw him leave completely naked from the same bedroom I was in." I think we would have understood that he alone was naked. I know I got the impression you were naked too. Sorry for the misunderstanding.Having said all that, he still had no right to come into your bed nude. He still could have taken advantage of you in some ways, even though you were still clothed!
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A
female
reader, Janie1980 +, writes (17 March 2008):
Janie1980 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers. I think most of you missed the point. I was completely dressed, had no clue who this guy was, and didn't do anything at all wrong except fall asleep at Stacy's house. This guy must have looked for a place to crash and just crawled into the bed. I don't know if he was drunk or not (but probably), and if he had amorous thoughts, or just always sleeps naked, but nothing happened. I'm just concerned that my husband will still be mad for seeing another guy naked and being in the same bed with him, even though there was NO sexual contact. I'm more concerned with the impropriety of it all since other people know this guy was in the same room as me. I guess I have no choice but to tell my husband and hope he doesn't kill this guy for being a jerk. I think the guy was probably just drunk and stupid and just looking for a place to crash. Inconsiderate that is was to pick the bed I was in, it still wasn't totally wrong since nothing happened.
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A
male
reader, H2H +, writes (16 March 2008):
You've gotten some very good advice here. I'd like to add on just a bit.
The big question here is Stacy. Talk to her and find out what she has to say. You'll have a more complete picture of how you found yourself and another guy naked the next morning. This could be critical information.
It should also give you some clue of what kind of friend Stacy really is, and how likely this is going to get back to your husband.
Right now you feel guilty about it. But the key facts are a). it happened, b). you were intoxicated, and c). earlier in the evening you had an intuition that something might happen (your discomfort and making sure wedding ring was visible.)
So, let's just put the guilt aside, it's only good for helping you recognize an error. What you do next is what's important.
If it's unlikely to get back to your husband, accept intoxicated responsibility for what happened and don't make your husband pay for your feelings of guilt. "What happened at Stacy's stays at Stacy's." Lesson learned? Move on.
But if it's likely he will find out, it's best that he hears it from you honestly, straight from the heart, and with remorse but not guilt instead of some distorted version told by someone else with who-knows-what kind of intentions.
Trust your instincts here, but don't let them be clouded by guilt and fear.
And remember, you're human. That means we make mistakes even when stone cold sober. Accept and love yourself; do your best at being good to yourself, your husband and your marriage.
--H2H
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Well, hunny, I’ll say this first: if you just woke up to a naked guy after a long night of drinking, something did happen. You didn’t mention if your clothes were off and maybe because they were still on you think nothing happened….is that why you think nothing happened? In any case you should add up the facts here…drinking...naked guy…don’t remember a thing about him…DUHH! Oh yeah something definitely happened. And in case you didn’t know you can fuck with most of your clothes on …and even if all you did was give him a bj, he obviously got so comfortable with you that he got completely naked! (and a guy wont get naked for just a bj). Why are you trying to convince your self that nothing happened? Deal with facing that first then lets talk about what you should tell your husband.
If you tell your husband all the facts you laid out here he will definitely think you guys fucked. Anybody with a brain would! I don’t think you telling him nothing happened will fly with him. While everybody is blaming this guy for not respecting you..I think you should take more responsibility for this situation and admit you did do wrong here. I’m probably guessing that when you were with this guy last night you were probably all over each other, and others at the party noticed this, including Stacy ….and seeing this beforehand didn’t make comment about it the next morning because, hey, its your body…you do what you want! That’s how she sees it, and in a sense she is respecting you by not bringing it up.
You should ask Stacy and ask her what happened and be frank and say you didn’t remember anything about him. She knows more and should tell you ..or she should have been as shocked as you were seeing Mr naked guy. Maybe you want to talk to him too, but personally I would let it go after talking with Stacy. My guess is Stacy will tell you what you don’t want to admit….you probably invited this guy to your bed for what its worth. Do think she heard anything…like moaning and a bed squeaking? You may not like what she has to say. You just have to accept what happened because it DID happen.
But the real question is should you tell your husband? Well I have to say NO. Don’t tell him. Have Stacy swear to secrecy what happened…anybody else that knew you would have to deal with as it comes. I seriously don’t think you will be blackmailed with this and Mr naked guy you will probably never meet again, so who cares about him. If nothing happened as you have convinced yourself then what are you going to tell your husband?...becuase he wont believe nothing happened! You should just deal with the questionable guilt you have over this and put it behind you. If I were you I’d just confide in Stacy about what happened here…and that you wont tell your husband and have her respect your wish to keep this quiet forever. I hope Stacy is a good friend which she seems to be, in spite of enabling you to cheat on your husband.
Good luck, Hunny.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Well, you were stupid, displaying your wedding ring? Are you that weak that you need OTHERS to be warned by your wedding ring rather then you yourselve saying no?
Basically, you should have left when you first thought that this was NOT the party you thought it was going to be.
But you didn't, well, no real harm there, but then you pass out from to much alcohol (it self a bad sign, drinking problem?) and find yourselve waking up to a naked man.
Well, you are old enough to know if you had sex or not. Did you?
But even if nothing happened, I would tell what happened. If he finds out by himself, then he is far less likely to believe you. If you keep the lie, well then it all depends on how guilty you feel about it. Lying is rarely good for a marriage, even if done to protect the other.
But if there is a chance you slept with this guy, well, get yourselve tested, hope you were safe and hopefully you learned a lesson about drinking yourselve stupid, especially with strangers.
If your husband finds out from somebody else, well... you better hope he is really understanding. Read your post from his eyes. The moment your husband leaves on a business trip you jump in the sack with a complete stranger.
Say you found that your husband went to a business dinner, had to much to drink and back at the hotel went into the wrong room and woke up next to a naked woman. What would YOU do?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I would first try and talk to the guy and see what his side of the story is.....
I would then without my husband knowing...get myself check for any STD's and also for any pregnancy test.....
If all comes back negative....then I would not tell my husband anything!!
I would not allow myself to be at Stacy's house again without my husband either.
Please be careful in the future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): As long as you're telling the truth, you should tell your husband with no guilty feelings at all.
A guy shouldn't just jump in a bed with girl he doesn't know at a party and sleep next to her naked. The guy should apologise to your husband sincerely and the guy should hope that he doesn't get an ass-whooping from your husband for being a sneaky pervert.
Instead of relying on people noticing your wedding ring, you should have just slipped something about your marraige into a conversation, any1 with any decency would then know where not to tread.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Go straight to Stacey, tell her what happened and ask her who the hell this guy was and what he was doing naked in your bed!!!! You've done nothing wrong (so long as you're sure he didn't have sex with you while you were in a drunken coma??? But surely you'd have noticed - doesn't sound like you were that out of it : ).
You behaved perfectly well - don't feel bad. Just check it out with Stacey. And I would probably say don't tell your husband - why upset him about nothing? Because it was NOTHING. Just forget about it. And the guy didn't even have a conversation with you. I do think you should check out who he was, though. It seems very strange to me. What goes on in Stacey's house??!
In fact, I'd say don't tell your poor husband, and DON'T GO ROUND FOR A PARTY AT STACEY'S AGAIN. Seems like a very dodgy sort of place to be. Stay safe at home, love your husband and be relieved that nothing actually happened to you, because it sounds like you were really vulnerable.
The only way to tell yr husband is to tell him you feel really upset about it, and let him have it out with Stacey and/or the guy - ie, let him protect you. I get the feeling you need that - this has really shaken you. But remember you did absolutely everything right, and it just sounds like a stupid drunken guy.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 depends hjow long u have been together, and if ur always a truthful person to him. if ur a constant liar in the relationship, even about small silly things, he might not believe u. but if u have always been an honestb person and ur character lies true, he might believe u. u need to stress u went to bed alone, and u remeber this, and passed out u have no recollection of anything after that moment, and woke up with this guy next to u. i had a similiar situation happen to me, a little different. i was living in israel, and was drinking a load of vodka and wine, whoa bad combo. i slept drunk and i guessn this guy who i knew had the hots for me, well he came in unbeknownst to me, and lay next to me under thecovers. i was living on a kibbutz, and my bf at the time was caLLING THERE TRYING TO FIND ME. NOBODY KNEW WHERE I WAS AND TOLD HIM I WAS PARTYING EARLIER AND DRUNK, AND WANDERED OFF MAYBE TO BED, BUT THEY WERE NOT SURE WHERE I WAS. SO HE FREAKED OUT AND DROVE IN THE RAIN LIKE A MADMAN, CRASHED HIS FATHERS CAR IN THE SLIPPERY WEATHER, still, managed to get back on the road with a totalled vehicle and came to the kibbutz, found me in bed with this guy. i woke up to the lights being turned on, i was shocked, so was the guy with me, he booked it out of there, and my bf was devestated, but because i was always honest with him, he bellieved me, and i also knew no sex had happened. i checked my vaginal area for any signs and i was bone dry. but it was a disaster still waiting to happen. because in tyhe end, on the flipside of the coin, how would i have felt if it happened to me? so, u better tell him now rather than wait on this and then he will ask why did not u tell him before and why did u wait. time is always a factor, and he will question it if u wait too long. so sit him down, and tell him ur version of the story. and tell him u have felt disgusted with urself and that u wont go to stacys again, if hes uncomfortable with this, a compromise willl need top be made here. or tell him u will try to inquire who this gentleman was, and confront him with ur husband, to show him u have nothing to hide. good luck dear lady i hope everything works out for u. i really do. this is never pleasant and i know it will be tough to get thru this. but like i said. if ur character all this time while with him has ben truthful and honourable, he should believe u. leave it in the hands of fate. theres not juch more u can do than this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): If I were you, I would be trying to get ahold of this naked guy and get some answers.
You have a perfectly reasonable problem with what happened. Anyone with half a brain would understand that he put you in a position that would qualify as a full blown frame-up for infidelity. Either he REALLY didn't think about the implications of his actions, or else he purposely wanted to cause a rumor of a hookup. He should be very willing to apologize to you, and he should be willing to publicly set the record straight as much as possible.
You need to tell your husband about this. You really sound pretty innocent in the whole thing, and it sounds like it's probably only a matter of time before the story gets back to him one way or another. (And the fact that this hookup is probably totally out of character for you just makes it even more interesting as gossip.) Better that your husband hears it from you as soon as possible.
If the naked dude won't apoligize & cooperate, or if he puts on a face of trying to do the right thing but he still spreads rumors of a hookup behind closed doors, then I say just turn your husband loose on him.
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A
male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (13 March 2008):
You did not give this man consensual sex. If you both just laid there naked all night, then no harm no foul, but if he had non consensual sex with you, it is rape.
You need to talk to him, not Stacy and find out what happend if any thing at all. If sex happend, tell your husband your side of the story.
If you didnt have sex, how would it help you or your husband to tell him what happend...which nothing did. Your husband would most likely think only the worst happend, and it might sour your marriage. It sounds like you love him very much and he, you.
As for parties at Stacy's, I wouldnt go to any more.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I wouldn't say anything to your husband, just don't put yourself in that position again, it could have been worse.
If my wife told me she woke up with a naked man laying next to her, of course I'd be upset that she allowed herself to put her self in such a situation, and the unexpected chances that touching took place, though neither not aware of it. I say this because of my own experience and where it led, must always put the breaks on early.
There was a case recently reported this morning where a girl had sex with a man she thought was her boyfriend. She tried to get him charged with rape, but the courts decided it was consentual sex because she didn't put up a fight.
Must always protect yourself.
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