A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my inlaws are stalking me online. A few years ago I posted a story about how awful a certain in-law had behaved towards me and how upset I was and asked what I could do about it got a few replies but the in-law it was regarding found out and showed my wife who already knew about it so she wasnt bothered. well I obviously havent learned my lesson as I posted something else about how dreadful they are. another in-law found it and replied to it. saying stuff like they hate me because they know I am wanting to leave and that I should just leave. now i am thinking they must be stalking me or something because they always seem to know when i post something and moan to my wife about it. im wondering if i should delete the email addresses associated with it leave the account and never go back. It could be said that I am paranoid but how much of a coincidence is it that they have seen these posts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): it's not stalking if every thing you wrote or said is in the public domain and publicly accessible and you made no attempt to cover your tracks or to deny them access.
posting something on a public website is like posting it in the neighborhood park.
Sure it could be like finding a needle in a haystack since there are millions of parks and trees (and websites) what's the chance they will find THE one that you posted on.
But once they found it, and it's public, of course there's nothing to stop them coming back to the same place.
It's stalking if you kept changing your tracks and they followed you everywhere you went. But if all you did was continue posting in the same place that you already knew they know about, it's not a huge leap of thinking for them to just keep checking or if they even had an account signed up that alerted them to new posts by you!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): What they are doing is seeing what you have written about them this time. That is is their right,who wouldnt?. That is nothing like stalking. You stalk people when youre obsessi,as in infatuatuation and mental illness.The way you have twisted these words is probably what you do on the web place you go. If this is what you did you will never solve anything,and maybe they have a genuine concern about you. You sound more like a one sided story teller who twists until it becomes a lie. Do you gossip? Not trying to offend you,but you may not even be aware. People now believe they are stalkers,in fact they are trying to so what youv been saying about them again.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (23 January 2011):
If you saw things about you,you know its about you and who wrote it,would it not get on your nerves? This is not reasonable and you should all get together face to face and resolve it like adults. You have not said the cause of it except them meddling. If so,then they are concerned about something. Can you say that you are not enjoying it? Unless they are highly skilled at computer programming,someone told them and they know where to look and to do it more than once makes you look nothing more than causing trouble. If you are cant face them stop being stupid,its not nice to be where your wife is.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (23 January 2011):
what exactly are your in laws upset at you for? Are they upset because you aired the family's dirty laundry in public? Or are they upset because you disagree with them over whatever the issue of the conflict is?
IMO if no names or identifying details were mentioned, then airing dirty laundry doesn't really matter because it could be anyone. How do they even know it's you making those posts?
you could just delete your account and with it all your posts, right?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Why not stop behaving like a bitch? You are only happy when writing behind their backs and cannot answer. It makes me think you are worse. Do you ever gossip about them to your neighbors? You are making yourself laughable to everyone except your wife and in laws. People who write,more often then not, do it to get opinion on their side by telling half a story,but whatever is said back is meaningless,because they dont even know the two sides of it. No one got your passwords,emails or tapping into your pc. They simply look at the bitch board to see what you have written. Its likely you are making a joke of yourself and someone told em. They dont need to try to hard to find it,they know what you do.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Yeah..this is definitely a lesson on never bashing family on the internet. How much more damage can you do to yours and your wife's relationship to her parents?
The damage done is probably close to irreversible, and of course they're going to put pressure on your wife as to what they think of you. You're giving them ammunition because publicly bashing family is not a good thing to do.
You should stop talking and stop venting except in private to close friends who DON'T have ties to your in-laws.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): no one is stalking ,they know where to look and recognise its you by what you write.neutral advice isnt possible without hearing both sides and people only write what they want to and miss out bits what implicate them. you may just want to believe you are right.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Given that youve spouted off about them a few times now, is it really a surprise thay they are eagerly waiting for the next installment?
Listen, without knowing you, the inlaws or what youve written online, its impossible to tell who is at fault. At the end of the day, you are entitled to express yourself and your feelings in whichever way you please. Whats the big deal? Do you regret speaking out? If so, try to resist doing it again!
If, however, you dont regret what youve said or posted, carry on doing it.
You put information out there in the public domain and others are free to express their opinions. Thats the long and short of it all.
Its your choice to speak out or keep stchum, its their choice to read it.
Changing your email address and opening a new FaceBook account or whatever is always an option but the root of your issues stems from the fact that anything you post in public can be read by all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt wasnt to have a go at them as such but a way to get neutral advice on how to deal with them. I went for counselling with my wife and the counsellor told my wife to stop the in-laws from meddling, my wife couldnt do that so I got desperate. No names were mentioned. but yes I guss it was out of order.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (23 January 2011):
 So this is sort of the third time now that you've started talking behind your in-laws back. I think that maybe there are just better forums to bash your in-laws in than the world wide web. Talk to your wife. Write it in a journal. Write a letter to them and throw it away. There's also the option of not talking behind their back and bringing up what you think are relationship issues to foster a greater relationship with them. I'm sure your wife doesn't always agree with where her parents are coming from, but does she also appreciate your badmouthing them to everyone else with the expectation that karma won't come flying back at you? I wouldn't be surprised if SHE is relaying some of your complaints of her parents TO her parents. Show respect and tread lighter than you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): way too coincidental. Yes change the email and the provider. If you used hotmail before then go to gmail.
Your wife is not your enemy. But she may have more loyalty to her family, than is apparent to you.
Do you have to live in close proximity to these in laws? Any chance you could move elsewhere?
You clearly have writing ability. Why not use that skill to write about a fictional family? That way you could exaggerate but have a grain of truth as your inspiration. For research you could read the spoof books by Verne on 'etiquette for trailer trash' The said books are on the internet.
As far as your computer - make sure you have a password that only you know. Something unusual, letters and numbers. So that if anyone wants to get into it that its uncrackable.
Same with when the computer when idle, put it on the display screen.
Do not even tell your wife the passwords . When you have finished delete what you browsed.
Has anyone installed a program to track your key strokes?
I would not suggest you post another entry about them. Far better to make money out of them, if your books sells well.
Do you share the computer with your wife? Could you each have your own, if at all possible?
Has your wife shared a key to your home with anyone?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): a better idea would be to stop posting things about them. changing emails wont do anything. its more than likely they know where to look. would you like someone posting things about what you have done? why did one behave bad towards you? for no reason whatsoever? it is you who needs to change your attitude. would you like your partner to do the same about your family? you dont think about anything else,only yourself.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 January 2011):
 hi
yes, delete the previous details and start again with another site and user name etc. you should be able to post things confidentially. make sure any password you use is a very obscure one that they will never guess if you think they may be hacking into your account and don't share the password with ANYONE
xx
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A
male
reader, sam44  +, writes (23 January 2011):
I rare to have such a coincidence, i believe they know your account name.
Someone must have seen your account logged open from your computer or if you ever logged at their house or someone around them... it might have left a cookie(to make it easier for you to log in again). Now Delete the account and use another email, and another username. Dont even think twice...
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