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Am I blindly trusting him? What do you think?

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 July 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. My boyfriend's friend that is female always sends him texts saying that she loves him and she misses him all the time. He has other females that he is close with and they don't send texts like this chick or at the amount per day. He has pictures of her and her favorite songs on his touch in her own little category. She has never expressed the want to meet me and when I ask why he doesn't have my pictures and my favorite songs he looks at me with a half frown and then tells me I have trust issues. She has currently asked him to go with her to Florida ALONE for a week. She didn't even invite me. My boyfriend expects me to be okay with this. Don't get me wrong, I trust him, But when I see all of this it makes me so mad. I do have guy friends and they have exspressed want to meet my boyfriend and take him along so this is not one sided. I normally could just lash out and find her and smack her but I just wanna take his word but then I go back to seeing all of this. I would love people's advice or comments on how blind in trust I am. Thanks :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009):

Wow you sure did tell him. Although I too would love to know what happened after lol :)

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A female reader, Chelle.x United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2009):

Chelle.x agony auntThats goood b :).

What did he say ?

Have things changed now ?

x

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A female reader, Chelle.x United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2009):

Chelle.x agony auntThats goood b :).

What did he say ?

Have things changed now ?

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you to all of you that answered :).

Here is an update.....

I told him that it is not okay for any girl friend to ask for alone time in another state and that she is being really disrespectful towards are relationship. I told him that if she really had respect for our relationship that she would have invited me along or even made the attempt to get to know me before all of this went down. He says he doesn't think of her having woman parts and I stopped him and told him that I would never in a million years think of asking my guy friends with girlfriends alone to a destination like that and if I did I would ask her to come along with a group so its not awkward. I also called him out on the tunes and her pictures. All he could do was be silent and then tell me "I wish you would trust me." I then told him that trust is earned and not given out like Halloween candy and that if he doesn't think that I have a valid point that he is also being very disrespectful of our relationship and that all of this is not helping our trust building efforts or the trust level I have for him.

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A female reader, Chelle.x United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2009):

Chelle.x agony auntOkayy first off please don't think it's you with the problem here. You have every right to be questioning his trust. If it was my boyfriend I would wanna know why she's telling him she loves and misses him. To me that doesn't sound like a 'friend' Also i find it kinda funny how he has pictures of her and not you ? Your his girlfriend, he should have more pictures of you than her. I think it's good that you have trust in him because that's really important in a relationship but I definately think that you should keep questioning him about it. Even try and get him 2 meet her when your with him so that you can see what she's like for yourself and see how he act's around her.

I don't think smacking her is going to help lol although ino it's hard sometimes. It could be nothing and hitting her could mean losing him. But if I were you id keep my eye on things. Let me know how it goes .. x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009):

I don't know what girlfriend would let their boyfriend go with a girl ALONE to another state for a whole WEEK. Sorry but something is wrong there. I would not even do that with my best friend that is a girl when I am with my girlfriend. The big problem here is that you have not even met her...and he thinks that is ok? I think the issue is beyond trust here...trust is something that needs to be built and earned and in this case you have not even met her. You may very well trust him but there is no reason to trust her. This girl is sending loves txts and asking for alone time with a guy that has a girlfriend....that is just wrong.

I can clearly see why you would want to smack her but if he doesn't even see the problem then you may wanna smack him instead.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (1 July 2009):

Danielepew agony auntSomething seems to be going on, yes. I wouldn't just take his word.

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