A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend's best friend is gay. Which wouldn't be a problem, I just don't understand how my boyfriend doesn't see it. Anytime I say something about it to my boyfriend he gets really defensive and says his friend isn't. I just find it convincing to think so because e makes his status' on Facebook "cowboy butts drive me nuts" and "I like my women the way I like my coffee. I don't like coffee." among others. He messaged my boyfriend on Valentine's Day "Happy Valentines Day Sweetie" and after every time they hang out messages him saying "It was so good to see you" or "I was very happy to see you." What are your thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Your boyfriends friend HAS come out, I don't know what people are talking about. He came right out and said he was gay on his facebook. Does't like women... likes cowboys, that means he is gay, you can't be much more plain than that. Straight guys do NOT post stuff like that on facebook for laughs. They would be terified of people thinking they were gay. Someone else may have hacked in and done it as a joke, but if it stays up there, than he is gay. I would be suspicious of your boyfriend but you have no proof. He might just like the guy but be afraid of you thinking he is gay by association. Or he may be like some people on here and not understand that liking men and not liking women means you are gay(unbelievable LOL). BTW, it is EXTREMELY common for young gay men to date women, have sex with women, and to deny being gay. It is a way to stay in the closet or to try to be "normal" and accepted. Sometimes even they cannot accept it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): It could be a case of guys messing around but also it could be the case that your bf's friend is really gay. But this doesn't mean your bf is.I've been there when i was with my ex! He wasn't as outspoken about it all but it got very uncomfortable sometimes. Everyone started hearing rumours that he was gay and then that he had a soft spot for my bf, which i had noticed and it really hurt me. I sometimes resented them spending time together! You feel like you might loose your bf, that he might actually be gay or bisexual. Just ask your bf what he thinks about his friend and his comments in a calm friendly way. Don't be mean about his friend or he'll get defensive again. I approached my ex and he did the same, got annoyed. Probably because he didn't like the thought that his friend might fancy him?! But he reassured me he was straight. Me and this guy never really saw eye to eye because he would try to spend so much time with my bf and tell my bf i was out of order if i didn't do certain things for him and get involved in our realtionship! He was just generally not a nice person. Obviously this may not apply to your bf's mate. Don't let it his comments get to you, whether they are directly or indirectly. Be comfortable in your relationship and explain your worries to your bf. When me and my bf broke up, not long after, they fell out and my ex confided in me that his friend turned really nasty, perhaps due to the fact that he was rejected? I felt like his friend had apart in our break up, but who really knows. My ex realised what a mean person his friend was and they don't speak any more. But no story is the same so don't worry about what could or couldn't happen. In the end, his friend came out a year or so later and my ex is still straight. Just be yourself. Of course, who knows, people do explore their sexuality. But it's nobodies fault. Trust your instincts. I'm sure you are a good person and whatever happens you will be fine if you are true to yourself :o) .
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Who cares?
What's the real problem? That he won't come out? What do you want your boyfriend to do about it?
Or that maybe you're afraid he might zone in on your boyfriend?
Yeah, your boyfriend's friend sounds like he might have some sugar in his britches but there's no way to know 100% sure until he comes out.
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 it is very possible that your mans friend is gay, but the bigger issue is, it isnt your problem. if he has not decided to come out of the closet to your man, then it is his decision. the only reason you should be concerned about this is if the is moving in on your man, wich shouldnt worry you because your man is straight. you can think what you will but you have no right to be pushing this on your boyfriend because he doesnt care! obviously this is his friend, and hopefully the fact that his friend is gay shouldnt affect anything. you just need to leave the situation alone and let the poor guy figure it out for himself. it is not your place to tell everyone about him. if and when he comes out to your bf, if he wants advice or help, then you can get involved, right now, just leave it be.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Yah, that does seem a little gay, but so what? If your BF doesn't see it, it's either because he doesn't want to or because it's a joke. Whatever the case you cannot force him to see it your way. It's best if you just drop it. His friend will come out in time.
Or is it you fear you BF is actually gay and using you as a cover?
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A
female
reader, katiebudge  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 yeah he sounds gay but he may just be joking around you know what blokes are like they find anything funny, but he could be gay but that shouldnt be a problem, if your boyfriends with you then im pretty sure he's straight so don't let it worry you
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