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age
41-50,
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writes: My husband and I have been married for over 13 years now. We have 3 kids together. My sister and I are best friends. She used to be living with us for 3 years and my husband never crossed the line with her. She is single and lives on own now. My husband usually helps her around the house when needed.Two weeks ago we had a family gathering at our home, later I left to take a friend home, my sister was left with the kids, my husband, his brother and one of his friends. She was sitting with our kids when my husband told her he has a crush on her and was asking her for her cell number as he had wanted to visit her one evening but does not have cell her number.Since, there were other people present my sister told him she will program her number in his phone and ignore what he said about having a crush. On my return home my sister told what he said and left. The same evening I call my sister and told her to call my husband on the phone so I can see his reaction when she calls.She called him and he continues to ask for her number in my presence. She then asks to speak to me so he gave me the phone.Since he was drinking that evening with family and friends I waited one day later before saying anything to him. When i asked him, he denies saying this to my sister. I told he can deny all he wants but he needs to call my sister immediately and apologise to her since she now feels like trash, which he did. My sister told him that she is not looking for a man and has one in her life. I could see in his face how embarrassed he felt.For few years now our sex life and partnership seems to be going down. We really love our kids and would do anything to make them happy as any parents would.I enjoy having the family gathering in and out of our home, I am not sure if this will continue and how to handle this situation. My sister told me to try and be more accommodating to him. I know she wants me to be happy. I am so ashamed by this. Please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Sounds like a midlife crisis to me.
You two need to have an honest chat about your marriage and sex life. You might not be the only one to have noticed the downward slope in your sex life. Maybe it's time to do something about it. It takes two to tango.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): if you really and truly still love your husband, then you should do what you can to save your relationship while its still there, try a short romntic holiday together, and leave you kids with your sister? that way you get to spend time on YOU as a couple, rather than you as parents (of course a little sommin-sommin at the end of the day could really help with stress relief and bring you closer again)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I would put this down to him having a few drinks too many and going a bit over the top. But there are a few warning signs here. Maybe the two of you should have a heart to heart, you say your marriage has been going a bit downhill. That has allowed space in his head to ponder. You are lucky that your sister sounds such a well balanced person and is not letting it bother her. He has apologised and probably feels bad about it. Take it as an opportunity to get your marriage back on track. After all, it was just a few drunken words and you should be able to move on from this.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (1 March 2011):
"For few years now our sex life and partnership seems to be going down"
He probably thinks the same, which is why his sexual attention turned to someone else.
You guys need to work on your relationship foremost and this particular issue will sort itself out. From what you say, your husband is embarrassed, and your family (sister) wants the best for you and is supporting your marriage. Maybe see this event as a wake up call to invest in your relationship, as it could have been far worse. Get over your shame and try get to the real cause of what he's feeling, what you're feeling, and see what you can both do about it.
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