A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay... so here is the situation.I work in a small company and I am talking really small. I think we have about 30 employees total. So anyway I made friends with 3 guys, we all hang out together. This is the first time all my friends have been guys- all the females that work in our company are 50+ and I have nothing in common with them. I've been working there for about 6 months and hanging out with the guys most lunchtimes. There has never been anything other than us being good friends. However I got to know one of the guys REALLY well- but honestly I have always been clear we are FRIENDS as I know how guys can be led on easily. I've always been careful never to go to lunch alone with him or give him any ideas. A few months ago he started saying things that would suggest to me he saw me as more than a friend. Today everything came to a head when he actually sort of asked me out. I don't want to say how he did it, in case he reads this, but it gave me the option of pretending I hadn't understood thus completley avoiding it. I took that option. As it was only a matter of time before he did it properly, I mentioned how excited I was to see a guy I knew and suggested that I wasn't single, that afternoon. I slipped it into conversation in case you were wondering, rather than just blurting it out! After I had done it he looked like he had been smacked in the face. Honestly it was the worst thing ever, but at the same time I think I did the right thing by avoiding having to turn him down and ruin our friendship. The whole day he was in the worst mood ever and didn't speak to anyone. I feel like everything is my fault. The thing is, I love my job, and that is the first time I've ever been able to say that. I would never date a colleague in such a small company. I would give anything to like him as much as he likes me, but although we get on great I only see him as a friend. I guess I am writing this because I need any advice on how to keep being friends without this whole thing turning awkward which it quickly is. Is there anything I could do to stop him being angry and depressed? Arghhhhhh! Thanks for your help in advance, you deserve a medal if you've actually read all of this lol X
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOops sorry also I never saw another poster's response! =)
To jc2008: Thank you. I was hoping that was the way it would turn out in the end. It may look and feel awful right now, but I am hoping that I have saved him asking me out face to face and me having to turn him down. That is almost an unthinkably cruel option!
Actually no, I am the only single friend out of my group! The funny thing is after 2 years of beig completley date- free, never once having a boyfriend I honestly am at a stage in my life where dating is something I feel ready for. Just sad as he is a great guy.. sigh.
Thanks for your advice though =) X
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, I am the original poster of the question!To CaringGuy: Thanks for your input- very helpful! I am definatley taking your advice. I was going to treat the situation like nothing had happened. As it stands with him, he has no idea that I know he asked me out and rejected him. I have to respect his feelings without looking odd and avoiding him, but you are totally right. Going out to luch with the guys again would just be like rubbing salt into an open wound I feel. I will see how to situation goes, I am hoping that the chat will not be needed, but if the situation arises I will know what to do. Thanks for your help, it has really helped me to see straight here. To thebeardedguy: Haha I have no money to buy a medal anyway :) Thanks a lot for your kind words. It was hard to watch his response as I kind of shoved the fact I liked another guy in his face, but I think I may have saved a friendship and spared awkwardness. It is always hard to be mean, but sometimes that saying that it is kind to be cruel is true. I think your point about maybe distancing myself from having lunches with them regularly is a very good one. Most other people bring in their lunches, whereas my friends and I like to go out. However I may bring in my lunch a few times just so I can put a bit of distance between us while he is still raw. Thank you again for your help, this advice has been great =) X
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reader, thebeardedguy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
I think the medal is a little too heavy for me, thanks :)!Well, I would first of all appreciate the stand you took. I am sure it is not easy for you to do this. I just want to tell you that theirs someone somewhere in this world who's actually supporting you for this.Secondly, I would advice you to become a little professional in your attitude among your colleagues, I mean keep safe distance, as you rightly said that you don't go out only with him on lunches etc. But it would be indeed great if you start concentrating more on work related stuff and talk about it when you're together, I mean instead of digressing into personal chats/conversation.Thirdly, don't make it a habit to hangout only with them, at times go alone or with someone other than them. Atleast at one point of time make this thing clear to them, that you're unaffected by his behavior and his attitude/mood. Because the moment you say this that you thought that you were the reason because he was not behaving properly, you are actually putting blame on yourself and getting affected, this will indeed give me unappropriate signals. Remember you are not their to fulfill someone wishes but to work!I don't know, how much my advices will help you!Take care, wish you luck!
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reader, jc2008 +, writes (21 September 2009):
I've kinda been here before. What you need to do is be cruel to be kind, you did the right thing and you need to tell him you don't want to hurt him but nothing is going to happen he is just wasting his time. Good thing is the sooner its done and he gives up the better, once he has got over it things will be back to normal. You wouldn't happen to have any female friends who are single and might like him do you?
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2009):
From a male. He'll be feeling a bit dented at the moment, so give him a day or so to get over it. After that, if he's still avoiding you, suggest you have a heart to heart chat as it were. Explain to him that he is a great friend BUT NOTHING MORE (make that very clear). If he's still awkward after that, he'll just have to accept it. You haven;t done a thing wrong and none of this is your fault. In fact, you did everything right by not leading them on. So don't worry about that. One more thing, if he remains awkward and start to pick on you or make you feel bad, don't stand for it. Hope that helps a bit. lots of luck x.
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