A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm 18 years old. As question title says, I think I am gay. What can do I about this, if I don't want to be gay? I want to be straight, have a wife, family, kids.What makes me think that I am gay, is the fact, that I do not want sex with any female, even those whom I consider most beautiful. On the other hand, since I was 12 I started feeling, that I am drawn to guys, since 16 I started fantasising about gay sex... Two months ago I started going crazy, I feel a terrible urge to have gay sex. As a side note: To make my matters even worse, I live in a highly homophobic country.So, am I a gay? If so, what can I do about it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, gaydating  +, writes (30 April 2011):
Hey just wanted to share my thoughts on this. I'm gay too btw. Anyway, you could try to have sex with a guy and a girl. But let me tell you, that if you are a virgin, you may not like gay sex the 1st time you try it. With gay sex, things are different because you could be top, bot, or versatile. So if you decide to try gay sex, try different roles like top and bot. I knew I was gay since I was a child, and I also had the urge to have sex with a man. The 1st time, I try it, I did to see if that was what I really wanted to do. But to be honest, I didnt liked. and I have heard that a lot of people dont like their 1st time. Perhaps it is because you dont have experience. Then when I try it again I actually liked it. but try it, and see what happens. If you still have thoughts of having sex with man, then you may be gay. But like others said, you could be bisexual. But you may be just curious too. but the only way to find out if you are gay/bisexual, is to have sex with a man. If you decide to try it, wait for the right moment. SInce there are plenty of perverts out there who are waiting to screw your life. Just wait for the right moment, when it comes you'll know.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 it does sound like you are gaysexuality can change over your life for SOME people but with most it stays relatively stable. this may be hard to accept.unfortunately some places are not good to live in as an open homosexual. have you got any skills or career ideas that you can develop that would allow you to travel?it's difficult to accept being gay but IF you are sure that these feeling's have remained stable for a long time then there is not a lot you can do to change it.what you CAN do is move somewhere else where it is more acceptable and see a bit more of the world. doing this through having a career seems the most sensible option.lithuania is in europe (e.u.) and travel is not impossible. save some money and see where it takes you.changing how you were made is harder than changing the environment you inhabit. there is no reason why you cant have kids, though as a homosexual it is more difficult, if that is what you want from life.
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (27 April 2011):
Well, it's hard to tell if you're gay by just reading your post.Anyway, I wanted to tell you some of my thoughts.- Just because you feel the urge to have sex with a man doesn't mean you're gay. Maybe you're bisexual. But anyway, to deny a part or all of your sexual desires is hardly going to make you happy.-To sleep with a guy once doesn't mean you're gay for the rest of your life. -To be gay wouldn't mean you could never have a family of some sort and would have to lead an unhappy and lonely life.-To be gay doesn't mean you have to come out to all homophobic people in your country. -To be straight doesn't guarantee you're going to have a wife and kids. And to have a wife and kids doesn't guarantee your'e going to be happy.So instead of being so afraid of the terrible consequences that being gay might have for you, and the happy life you could lead if you were straight, try to be true to yourself. Don't worry so much. Try to find out what makes you happy NOW. You don't have to make big life decisions now. You don't have to decide if you want family or kids or a wife. Just decide one thing: Whether you want to try it with a guy once or not. I recommend you to read Ricky Martins autobiography. He denied his homosexuality and was scared of it in the beginning, but now he's happy with it. I wish you all the best. Share your thoughts with us.
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A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Homo-phobia is just a silly term coined to use against basic rights for homosexuals. I understand you pain. Read an article on net about gay child defining his suffering to parents. Go through this-----
Dearest Mom & Dad
I am writing you a letter because I want to say a lot of things before you start to ask me questions, get mad or start crying. Don't worry it is not something you did, nor is it something that I did, It is just something that happened and I am still trying to figure it out; I really hope you could help me with this.
Mom, Dad; I am gay.
I need you to stay calm, I really do. I have read everything I could lay my hands on about homosexuality. You could say that I am now an expert in the field, so let me tell you what I have found. Please give me a chance to tell you the whole story, but first, an introduction:
Firstly I want you to understand that this is not something you did. Mom you did not make me gay by being over protective and Dad you did not do it because you could not always be there. Dad, an extra football, cowboy clothes or course in mechanics would not have changed anything; not letting me help you in the garage is not the reason. Mom, teaching me to cook was not the reason; letting me help you in the kitchen when I did not want to help dad in the garage did not make any difference.
Secondly you need to understand that this is not something I did. It is not because I hang around with the wrong friends because friends can not make you gay. It is not because I was playing with girls as a kid or playing with the wrong boys when I got older. It is not because I went to the wrong places, stayed away from church or because I did not like the pastor.
Mom & dad, I am not gay because you or I did anything wrong; I was born this way. If you do want to blame someone for this, I guess you could blame God and no, I am not judging God or making fun about Him. I am just explaining to you that if God created me, then He created me like this; created me gay. I am also not angry at Him for this. I really enjoy being gay and I think it is because He made me like this that I enjoy it so much. I am really thanking Him for making me gay because I would not like to be anything else. All the people who really went into this topic will tell you that a person does not choose this; you are born gay.
Do you know how I know this to be true? I know this because I realized I was different long before I knew what homosexuality meant. I always liked boys more and when the boys started to like girls more, I still wanted to stick to boys. In the gym when the boys had to change their clothes, I could not stop staring. Do you remember in grade 8, when Joe stole his father's porno and we watched it on our television? All the boys went mad when they saw the first naked woman in that movie and I could not understand what they were raving about until the first naked man appeared; the moment I raved about him my friends looked at me as if I were mad. There is so many other stories I could tell you about this, but we can talk about them another day. All I wanted to show you were that I was gay before I even knew what being gay really meant.
I guess I could have made this easier for you by telling you face to face, but I was really too scared of what your reaction would be. Do you know how scary it is for a kid to ponder on the idea that his parents are going to throw him away? Do you know how scared I am at the idea of losing you, being rejected by you or never being able to be held by you? It is, without a doubt, the scariest thought a sixteen year old boy like me could ever have. I beg you to try and understand; I know how difficult it will be, but remember your acceptance of my sexuality will always be easier than the rejection the whole of mankind is going to put me through. Please do not reject me and please do not stop loving me. I promise you that if this were merely a choice, I would have never made it. Why on earth would anybody knowingly choose to be hated by 80% of the population?
Your loving gay son
This was very touching. It opened my eyes towards homosexuality. Take care and follow your heart always .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): You can't change who you are. Try sex with a guy and a girl. Find out which one you like more. If you still want a wife and kids there are couples out there that are two gay people (man and women) who marry and have kids. You can do whatever you want, but on the outside you both are just a married couple with children.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2011):
 sounds like you may be.
if you are there is no way you can be happy pretending to be something you are not.
you may want to move to a country that is more accepting of homosexuality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Give it a try and see what you think, personally it would be enough to put me off, but if you like it, then it will answer your question for you. You can't change what you are so you might aswel accept it! : )
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 April 2011):
Well, I guess you should have sex with a girl and with a guy, in order to know if you are gay or not. Maybe you are, or you could be bisexual too. Who knows. Maybe you find out you like having sex with a girl and not with a guy.
If you find out you are gay and still you want a wife and kids. Let me tell you homosexuality isn't a disease you can heal from. If you are gay, you are gay, period. But maybe you can find a girl who is gay too and, just like you, she wants a family. That will do. All in all a couple is just two people sharing common interests.
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A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 in short yes , there is nothing you can do about it the longer you lie to yourself the stronger the urges will get and you will never be happy unless your true to yourself.....
dont care about what other people think. i have loads of Lithuanian friends and some are gay. if your happy why should people thoughts matter? just be true to yourself and take as long as you need to tell people... until you become comfortable with your lifestyle. emaile me if you need anything else..
hope this helps good luck..x
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