A
female
age
26-29,
*ainemo
writes:I have a boyfriend and everytime I open his account he ask me not to open his messages and comments . I was so curious that day that I replied to a gay friend of him and ask why, then I was shocked when that gay answered "where are you now ,could we have sex ?". I was really shocked and angry at that time but I can't help to question " is my boyfriend having sex with a gay ? ". Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 hi,
Trust is such an important aspect of a good relationship and it would seem that/trust had already flown out the window before you opened his emails and impersonated him with that reply. And his secrecy re his emails says that your boyfriend might be hiding some aspects of his life from you. Not that justifies looking at someone else' emails. And curiosity made you look.
If you live with him then your relationship may end soon. Protect yourself first and foremost. If you live in his home you may be forced to leave in a hurry. Very quietly consider where else you would go and what expenses you would incur if you did leave him
It is very likely that he is bi-sexual. Do you know the other guy from the email? You cannot tell if a guy is homosexual or bi-sexual from just looking at him. And there are many bi-sexual men who are married and have children with their female partner.
The really big problem (that appears to be a really big problem to me) is the risk to you, of Sexually transmitted diseases if your boyfriend is bi-sexual and if he indulges in unprotected sex.
First things first. Go visit the Doctor immediately and start the blood tests for sexually transmitted diseases (STD) including AIDS. Be honest with the Doctor, tell him that you have suspicions that your partner may be having sex with male partners.
If the other guy (in the email) will ask for sex so easily then he may have more than one partner
And there is no guarantee that all of the other connections for that other guy practise 'safe sex'
AIDS is not the only problem STD that you could catch via a partner who has unprotected sex with other partners. Other illnesses you can pick up include Hepatitis C and Chalmydia and genital warts. Some STD can even leave you infertile, unable to have babies.
Ask your boyfriend point blank to his face, whether he has been unfaithful to you during your relationship. He may deny it. Even if he has. Watch his reaction very carefully and listen carefully to how he replies.
Men who are lying often put on a noisy outraged accusatory tone with fake shock/outrage/horror/even exploding anger or even mock 'i am so hurt that you would even ask' that complain bitterly that you would Dare to question his integrity.
Then look him in eye and ask him if he has ever had sexual relations with a male. He may bluster and get outraged and lie to you. Watch his reaction carefully and listen carefully to his words. Let him put on a performane but don't react.
Then while he is still getting over that question ask him who is (name on email) and has he had sex with (name on the email).
Then he may get angry with you. Protect yourself. Perhaps ask this question calmly and quietly when you are at a public open air venue where he (may) be perpared to listen without exploding with outrage.
You may even need to remind him to be honest with you and watch his eyes when he asks.
At this point your relationship may be over. Let him know that you have been faithful to him at all times, but that due to your concerns, you have been to the Doctor to get tested for STD.
His first reaction of anger, may result in him suggesting sex with him immediately, until you know if you there is a problem for your health.
Urge him to also go to the Doctor to have the same blood tests that you had.
Let him know that condoms must be used in future for all sexual relations.
Though i would be tempted to say, 'no sex' until he has been tested and untill your STD tests have been completed (for both of you) as there is more than one STD test required. You need to be sure that neither of you already has any STD.
Get the Doctor to explain all that to you why you should both be tested, and why you require multiple tests over a period of weeks.
I do hope all goes well.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 The only way to know that is to ask him....but then you will have to explain why you are asking that questions. Perhaps you can take it from the point of view of..." have you ever thought of experimenting with a homosexual person"....not to put the question in an accusatory manner...if he is...he is putting you at risk for some nasty STD's
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Well, I'd say more bi if he's having sex with you too. I do think he's having sex with this other guy though.
However curious you may be, or suspicious that something is up, it's still very bad to not only snoop through his accounts, but pretend to be him in an email. If you can't trust someone enough to give them privacy in that sort of thing, you should not be with them. That's not to excuse what he's doing, but to make you aware that this kind of behavior will cause you to damage future relationships if you aren't careful.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Wow! Well It certainly looks that way. It would be unusual for a friend of his to just ask for sex, out of the blue, if they havn't already been having sex. Plus he gets protective when you open his account, that suggests he is trying to hide something. It would seem that your boyfriend is bi-sexual and is cheating on you. I would tell him what happened and ask for the truth. Unless he is an extremely good lier you should be able to tell from his reaction whether or not your suspicians are correct. I'd say to dump him. He's cheating on you, and from the straight to the point response from the guy, it seems it could be a regular thing. You can't trust the guy and he could be putting you at risk of STDs with his sexual openess.
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