A
female
age
41-50,
*ena1976
writes:So..I am in a same sex relationship.My partner and I have been together for 10 years. 4 years ago she had an emotional affair with someone and without going into the full details, she ended any communication a year ago and has been suffering from some depression during that time and I tried to support her and work through it.We have a lot of fun together but every few of weeks we fight and end up not speaking. Largely over the lack of sex and 'spark' in the relationship. We have started to see a counsellor through my suggestion as the arguments get no where.The lack of sex was partly due to a medical condition over the past 4 years which I have now resolved. Yet she seems not to want it currently and says she gets anxious thinking about it. I don't want to force the issue, but for me that explains the lack of passion, because i don't want to approach her.She asked me if i have a timeline in my head by which the counselling should have resolved the problem. I said no as a deadline would add pressure. She told me she was thinking 3 months, I was annoyed at this as that would mean only about half a dozen sessions as we only see the counsellor once a fortnight.Ultimately I just feel that she says the right things but makes little concerted effort to change and work with the relationship. The emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows are really getting to me as I never feel there is enough of a settled atmosphere for me to fall for her again. She comes across often as being quite negative about the success of the relationship, like emotional tourettes she says anything, any fear that pops into her head. I have told her how that makes me feel, but she is still doing it.What do I do? Should I just get out?
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Do the bad times outweigh the good? Do you have issues that just can't be resolved? Are you just worn out from constant conflict and banging your head against the wall?
If the answer is yes OP, then it's time to start afresh with someone new. There comes a time when you have to sit down and have a good long hard think about what you want for the future and whether this relationship will give you that. No relationship is perfect bliss, it takes time and effort, there are bad and good times in all of them. But if you're feeling miserable in the long term about it, if there are just constant bad times and it's a constant battle to make things work then it's just not worth it.
I've been in a relationship nearly 6 years and we have had major blow-ups and gone through difficulties but the happiness and good times are the norm and the bad times are just blips. Even when fighting our relationship is not a struggle, even when in bad times there is no doubt that we can work through it together and will both do everything in our power to overcome those times but we are on the same wavelength in those things.
It sounds to me like you and your partner have very different ideas of how this relationship should be, there is no more intimacy and you can't even agree on how to resolve your long term issues. OP it sounds to me like your girl wants out. She's demanding a time frame and one that's wholly unrealistic so when you're not able to resolve these things in that time, which you know in your heart you won't be able to (just as she does) she can say she tried and not feel guilty about leaving.
OP a hell of a lot has happened in the past 10 years but ten years together means you know each other inside out, but even after all that time you're still not on the same wave length about how to move forward that's not the best sign. It's exceptionally hard to give up on a long term relationship after ten years that other person is pretty much a part of you so it's nearly impossible but you may just have run the course in this relationship and it may be time to just walk away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Having sexual advances rejected is painful, especially in a commited relationship. If she is anxious and you are not making advances how is this going to resolve itself. Grab her and kiss her... It works wonders ;)
...............................
|
