A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello im a 17year old girl and i have a serious problem... i love my best friend who happens to be a girl.we kiss when we are drunk and recently we had sex (however girls have it) and ever since i find it impossible to forget about her. i find myself getting lost in the memory of me and her and masturbate to the thought of it.but she has a boy friend and i have just got out of a relationship with a boy. but i am overly jealous of the thought of her boyfriends hands on her it makes me angry...am i in love with her, or is it just lust, and does she want me back...sorry to drag on please help.
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best friend, drunk, jealous, lesbian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): well it sounds to me that you are a lesbian. Im sorry if you dont like reading this but to me its the truth. If you kissed and had sex and you were drunk it might not matter. But sence you fell angry about her boyfreind touching her and kissing her you are a lesbian. It's 2009 and its normal. Everyone has feelings for someone and about half of them are gay. Please dont think its wrong to be a lesbian, its not. This applies to all people who think being gay is weird or unsanatary
A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 After reading you I took time to think very carefuly about what I want to say to ...*state my opinion*
It is not unusual for women to have an attractions to other women. Though many will deni it, it is a normal thing for most. Some follow it through and some just have fantasies.
Don't think your not normal, or your different than most. It is also normal for some to experiment sexual regarding both sexes.
You did say you were drunk which gives you more courage to carry it throug, which in the beginning is also how it is usually started at first.
You also did state that you and b/f have split up, so I will be careful in what I say with respect towards you. We women act on emotions and usually men act on visual
stimuli. You might be venerable at this time due to your break up and need love/attention to help you heal. There is nothing wrong with this, and it is normal to need in such a matter. I do believe that you do love your g/f and that you she does care for you. The only prob I for see is that your g/f has b/f. It is very hard/confusing for you to cope/understand the situation your in. It also adds stress for you. It is the fact that you only want her love for yourself and also that you would want in your heart for her to love you as you love her...*equally* which is very normal for anyone. It is a time when you *do* need attention and understanding. I hope your g/f does also provide this for you.
I would only wish that you do not get so caught up in this that you loose yourself. I will not say this a phase, because I take your letter/feelings seriouslly. I will say don't put yourself on hold. Please don't overlook other possibilities. There is no reason why you can't try to start dating again. Both male and females, it is all your choice. You will in time find out where you stand. Since you have just broken up with your ex in my opinion I don't think you should throw yourself into another relationship too quickly. It is up to you, but I say this to you with only good intentions. Give yourself time to explore yourself, find yourself and seek out new avenues also.
I would like to make a segguestion regarding your g/f. I would try to talk with her. Explain what your feelings are regarding her and her b/f. I think the *jealously* you are feeling might be hurt. Try to explain to her how you feel about her, how it is effecting you, and how you can deal with it. I'm sure she will understand, and also help clear up things between you both. If you find that her answer may not be what you want to hear at least you will know where you stand. It could very well be that she might even understand and want to the same as you do. My point is it is always better to talk about things, *clear them up* than to leave them open to thoughts only.
At a young age, we do go through many things and they are all learning experiences. Most important of all don't feel bad, ashamed, or unsure of yourself. I can tell by reading your letter that you are a caring person, intelligent, and also mature. Above all don't sell yourself short, don't leave room for depression, stress, and uncertainties. It will take away from who you really are.
Ending I would like to say in my opinion that there is no harm in seeking counselling. It would give a chance to help clear up many things. Things regarding your past relationships, feelings, thoughts, etc. It will be private and nonjudgmental.
I know my letter is long, but I did want to make sure I gave you as much information as I thought you needed. I took your letter very serious, and to heart. I do hope some of it helped, for this to me is a very serious matter.
good luck & take care
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A
female
reader, chazx +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Maybe you are going through a stage of you want her because you cant have her?
I have that stage three years ago :)
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A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Hello. I think you might have a little bit of lust and love. Maybe you like the idea of being with her but you can't get her out of your head because you are sexually attracted to her. If you still feel sexually attracted to guys then your bisexual i think. I think that you do have feelings for her. Although when a women has sex it induces a hormone that can actually make a women feel like she is in love. Thats why the say try to not to have sex on the first date. i don't know if this helped you but i hope it did. Good luck.
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