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male
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*anno75420
writes: How do you tell the difference between settling down, and just settling? Married, and regretting it. Finding my wife and I are quite incompatible sexualy, and I often wonder whether I just gave up looking, and settled too early. I feel unwanted, and depressed, and often wish i was single again, but I don't know if giving up at this point (6 months into the marriage) would be fair or not. I love her...but it's hard to be IN LOVE with a person who can't stand to be touched by you.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 People who approach counselling as 'futile' make the odds of it working against them and the relationship. Sometimes a counselor can open your eyes to get you to drop the bad attitude. The better thing is to allow yourself to think that it will work. Apply what you learn in session and work together to set your relationship right.
You're going in the right direction and the steps might be slow but they will be well worth it if you two work on your relationship.
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female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (25 August 2006):
 You need to talk to her and explain how you feel. Tell her you feel unloved and confused but tell her you love her so much and want to get things sorted, that you dont want to leave her. Tyr and persuade her to go counceling with you. I hope you solve this. Good luck
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male
reader, danno75420 +, writes (25 August 2006):
danno75420 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell here's the problem folks...
We are in counceling right now, and a BIG part of me feels it's going to be futile. I'm close to giving her the old heave ho :/ and I hate it.
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female
reader, layla +, writes (24 August 2006):
 I think if she cant stand to be touched by you, you should sit her dwn and have a long talk about where she would like to go in the relationship because she doesnt seem to want to go far.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (24 August 2006):
 It's difficult to say the right thing here because I don't know enough details. How long you've known your wife? It sounds like you still don't really know her. Has the physical side of things always been like this? If so, getting married wasn't going to make it better. If not, then you need to talk with your wife honestly and see how she's feeling. She may be feeling the same and feel it's all too much, too soon. If there really is no way back from this, perhaps a trial seperation or an annulment? I'm usually for people working it out, but it does sound as if you've been a bit hasty.
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female
reader, GM +, writes (24 August 2006):
Hi Danno. What a pity you feel this way so soon into your marriage. I think you both need to seek the help of a councelor equipped to help you in this. This of course if you both still want to stay in the marriage. Marriage is no marriage if one partner cannot stand to be touched by the other partner. It could be important to try to establish exactly what the problem is. If she married you for instance, just to be out of her parents house, then the marriage is not going to last very long anyway, in which case you have a very good argument for coming out of the marriage. Again it could be something very small that has put her off being touched by you, in this case it might be worth going to a councellor. Good luck, GM
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (24 August 2006):
 Hi. The biggest part of any relationship is communicating. Obviously, this is lacking in your marriage. Talk to her. Find out what the problem is. If she clams up, ask her to go to counseling with you. If that doesn't work, then I think you might give her the heave ho. LOL.
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