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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi,Im with my fiancee over a yr now and lately im beginning to get bored and fedup of the same routine of doing things.We are both in our early 30s, with good jobs and fell in love very quickly when we met.She has a habit of wanting to stay away somewhere every weekend in hotels as we are not living together yet.Staying away together is so we can be close and make love, I understand that and love to be close anytime with her, but does this have to be an expense that falls into a routine all the time and an expense that she does not want to contribute towards the bill all the time?Any ideas?
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female
reader, layla +, writes (25 August 2006):
 i think that its nothing to do with the money. I think that shes not ready to move in with you either shes scared or shes just not ready.
have you asked her anything about moving in together so that you can be together longer? or asked how she feels about moving. but also ask how would this effect how she feels.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 If you are a couple you should talk about it, tell her yo cannot afford it on your own as you would like to save up for a rainy day... if you're to be a couple you are to be responsible about each other's money, I think that to share a flat or rent it together wouldn't be that expensive as you could cook, sleep, watch films or whatever or maybe you could move toghether in the near future, if she only wants to have you at weekends and hotels maybe she's not the kind of couple you need, the camping thing is an option too or even a friend's or a relatives not used house or beach house? good luck
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 Hi,
Something doesn’t seem right here to me...
You are behaving as if you are still in the courting stage of a relationship - spending loads of money, weekends away - but yet you are engaged to be married (?). There is something in here that hints at a possible level of immaturity in her (?)
I would be wary of the intentions of a woman who wants to be pampered constantly in such a way, and I fear (although I admit I am basing this on very little information) that she could be one of these women who is in a relationship for the money aspect. Would she still be as affectionate if you stopped paying for these things? Would she still be supportive if you (somehow) lost your job and she had to pay for everything for while… Would she enjoy your company as much if SHE had to pay for it for a change? It is worth thinking about.
This seemed to be a happy arrangement for a while, but obviously not so much for you anymore, and you have a right to be feeling a little used. I know a proper gentleman will pay for dinner etc, but I think your fiancé is taking advantage by wanting all these weekends and not even offering to share the cost.
Heck if you guys are engaged, in your 30’s, and can afford to be in hotels every weekend, maybe you should be putting your efforts into getting a place of your own, )or saving for your wedding), rather than living wherever you are now. I bet she is living with her parents and doesn’t even help with the housework. She must be cute (in both senses of the word)
So overall for me though, she is either immature, money grabbing, or lacks the vision and maturity to see you two together in a place of your own.
You will know more than I will about which one it is, but either way you guys are going to have to start talking about your future, because you cannot do what you are doing in the long term,
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 Talk to her about the cost and about sharing the expense. Why shouldn't she contribute?! I can't help wondering why, if you are both in your 30's, are you unable to be alone? I assume you don't share a bedroom with someone else? Do you live at home? Or have flatmates? You can still make love and be alone if you share a house? If you are intent on staying away, there's no pun intended, but ever been in a tent? Camping is cheap and requires lots of cuddling up to keep warm!
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