A
female
age
51-59,
*uppy68
writes:Hi everyoneWell I will try and keep things short. I have been with my husband for 9 years married for 7. About 4 years ago he had an affair with a woman he worked with. It went on for about 2 years and we were apart. We got back together after alot of talking and me agreeing to give him another chance.Anyway it`s now 2 years later and i think it`s starting all over again with a female friend of his. He texts her all the time even takes his phone into the toilet to text her so i can`t see. He texts her every night before he switches his phone off and only ever switches his phone on in the morning when i am out of sight. he deletes everything and He lies about where he is and has been caught out on a couple of occaisons but just says I am being stupid.We have talked about the texting before and he said she is just a friend...I asked him to stop but he refused. We had a big row this morning after he said he was going to a dinner / dance tonight out of the blue as one of his mates has a spare ticket. He says she is not going to be there but i know he is lying. I gave him the choice that if he went tonight our marriage was over....he threw his wedding ring at me and has left to travel up to the venue. He thinks I am not being serious about us finishing,as I have said it before and not carried it through...always letting him talk me round.Question is: should i stand by my guns and finish it or stand down and let him win again??Thanks.
View related questions:
affair, got back together, text, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, puppy68 +, writes (15 May 2009):
puppy68 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Guys
Wow...thanks for all the advice. it all makes sense and if i`m honest i knew the answer...it just helps I think to see other people tell you the same thing. Well an update on the situation is that he didn`t come home last night..speaks volumes. No doubt he will reappear later on today and give me the silent treatment...playing the poor old hard done by husband card...I`ve seen it so many times before. Normally he does this for a few day`s and then gradually starts talking to me and then we have a talk. He promises me the earth and things are ok...until he thinks it`s safe and off he goes again.
Well not this time...he is in for a shock when he finally turns up. I am playing the game no longer.
Thanks again guy`s for all the advice. x
A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Oh please walk away-he is doing this right in front of you and you are just holding on to a hope that isn't worth your precious time. What a dirt bag he is. You are better off without him and only then will you be able to seek out the possibility of a real loving relationship. Best of luck darling!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): he made the decision when he threw his wedding ring. i think you will agree.
so, please do not continue to be his doormat. his total disrespect for you is so evident. and yes, sadly he is cheating again.
if you don't follow your words with actions he would have won again. then you should not complain, just accept his cheating and live with him. BUT if you value your life, and realise that your life is also important and precious then actions my dear.
this will be the first but yes move on. you owe it to yourself bt be firm with this decsion. you need to be strong and independent.
good luck. if you feel like giving in, then post again for some moral support. no one deserves to be miserable and he is a miserable sod.
...............................
A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (14 May 2009):
F*ck me over once, shame on you!
F*ck me over twice, shame on me!
Let that be your motto... He's made it very clear that he is who he is and if you can't accept that (nor should you) then you need to take control of your situation and change it.
By staying with him, you give him permission to treat you this way.
Say goodbye, with your dignity still in tact.
God Bless
Bella xoxo
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Stand by your guns and finish it, I think you know already that this is what has to be done. Get a lawyer and drain your husband as much as you can. Keep us posted.
...............................
A
female
reader, SexDrive1ohhh1  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 What a difficult situation - I know exactly how you feel as it has happened to me too! If you let him win(which was the mistake i made over and over again), he will never ever stop doing what he's doing to you. And hun, you dont deserve this kind of behaviour from him. No woman does!I'm sure deep down inside you know what I'm talking about, otherwise you wouldn't be writing in to this column.Stand your guns! Show him you mean business! And no matter how hard it is, DONT take him back! I'm very anti divorce - but when it comes to cheating, its a whole different ballgame. A guy who cheats will never stop his nonsense, no matter how many times he begs and pleads for your forgiveness... If i were you, I would stop this before you get to the stage where you are emotionally exhausted, and before you get to the stage where you never trust a man again! You can do better girl!!! I hope that whatever decision you decide to make, things work out the way you want it to!Goodluck! And please keep us posted!xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2009):
 You need to listen to your gut. It's SCREAMING at you.
As I see it you have two choices really.
1. stay and be a doormat. He will have his wife (you) and whichever girl is the flavor of his fancy. He will do HIS thing and have no respect for you what so ever. You will have no trust in him either.
2. Change the lock while he is out. Pack up his shit and leave it in the garage or wherever. Go see a lawyer. Start a new life. Accept that it is NOT you. IT's him. He is not able to stay faithful, or rather he chooses to not stay faithful.
You two got back together but the past wasn't quite resolved I think. You might have tried really hard to forgive this man, but he really didn't regret it. I think he just regretting getting caught.
You know the red flags. The texting at odd hours. Deleting them. Taking his phone with him where ever he is. If he truly had nothing to hide he wouldn't do that.
Isn't it about time that you work on your own happiness?
...............................
A
male
reader, wolffbreakk +, writes (14 May 2009):
I feel terrible for you. You sound like a devoted woman who is with a guy who dosen't respect that. I think, although extremely difficult no matter how much you love this man, you need to put your foot down- A relationship works both ways, not one. If he can't agree or see your point of view in all this then you shouldn't hesitate to to lay down the law.
...............................
|
