A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long term relationship for over 8 years (not married but feel like it).I love my partner dearly and sex is alright but I still have feelings (not sure what they are) for someone else. The thought of this person gives me butterflies and when he is actually present I feel like a giddy young girl. I have not done anything with this person but our feelings are mutual we discussed it a little.My problem is am I just lusting after this person and if so why is it making me feel the way I do I do not seem to be able to get him out of my head at all I only see him on occassions so why has it affected me like this after so little contact and I suppose I could say the same for him.Please can you give me some advice as I am confused.This situation has been developing over years we dont see each other much but when we do we cant keep our eyes off each other and to be honest I dont think it will be much longer before we both give into each other. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): You say this has been happening over years and yet you dont see each other often, I think there must be something there. Your average crush/lust etc would have acted by now.
Yes you have a partner but really you need to address the issue, next time you see this man talk to him not just to declare your feelings but to see exactly what it is he is wanting or expecting from you.
You have to make a decision but dont do it without knowing all the facts you need to first, if you have not made love yet then who knows it could be all he wants and only the once but I doubt it.
You need to think about your current relationship, you say you love your partner dearly and sex is alright so what is it that this other man has that is attracting you? Who is this man in relation to you how do you know him is he an old friend? Does he have a girlfriend?
If you continue as you are at present I think that you will not be doing you, your partner, or this other man justice.
Take a deep breath and deal with it as best you can.
A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (14 May 2009):
I think you will be sorry if you pursue your "butterflies"...
There will always be someone that crosses your path that makes you feel these sorts of things. We're human, temptation is present in most situations... I'm sure if you talked to your man, he's probably had an occassion or two where he's felt the same. Obviously he chose to pass. I hope you choose to do the same.
Butterflies eventually fly away. A strong and lasting relationship takes work and committment, but it's so worth it...
Think about it long and hard. Is it worth losing what you have because ultimately, you have to consider that a realistic possibility. Only you can decide that.
Good Luck.
Bella xoxo
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (14 May 2009):
 If there's no reason for you to leave your current partner, I wouldn't suggest you doing so. The feelings you have can be develop with many people along the way, will you change partner every time they occur? How long those feelings will last with that new partner?
You might have experienced the same feeling when you first started dating your current partner and that feeling faded away once a routine was installed in your life.
It is true that change brings opportunity, but is it worth it in this case? Would it be better to work your current relationship instead?
Once people think they know everything about something, they have less interest in it.
8 years is a lot of years with someone...
"Love is not about finding the perfect person but learning to love an imperfect person perfectly."
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A
male
reader, wolffbreakk  +, writes (14 May 2009):
I think you need to ask yourself what is more important- What you have or what is before you? And based on that after really thinking about it, make up your mind.
And when you make your mind up, stick with it- Although you should have the courtesy of at least telling your current love about how you feel and your worried. If he can survive that truth, then you have something work with.
We are only human in the end of the day.
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